Question:
What I Want Most Besides Good Health/What I Miss The Most
I want to be healthy. Today, I was thinking that when I have my surgery I am looking forward to an active healthy lifestyle and the aching knees and back pain to go away, etc. But do you know what I miss most? I have not had a close hug in over 15 years. I have noticed too, that when someone touches me on the arm in a gesture-type of way, they pull back. I get a pat on the back for a hug. If it weren't them, I would be me doing the pulling away simply because of my terrible stomach and fat. I want a nice hug. I want to be close to someone from the shoulders all the way down to knees. I want to slow dance and not have to worry about my rolls getting in the way. I have literally suffered for years and years from lack of affection. I get the BEST hugs from my son, but I am a 35 year old woman if you know what I mean. I have not had sex in years. Four to be exact because I am affraid to take my clothes off. Has anyone had that experience pre-op and then had the best experience post-op? Will you please share it with me? Thanks... — Marcy G. (posted on January 5, 2003)
January 5, 2003
hi there marcy :) i feel for you sweetness. after your surgery, you will
start to feel and look so much healthier and better. its a great feeling
and as you start feeling better about you, you will feel better about
intimacy, you wont feel as self concious about your body so the slow
dancing, hugs, etc will be much easier for you. as far as the getting naked
thing post op. yikes! hehehe! ;) although i feel and look so much better
(with my clothes on lol!) i still feel a little weird naked because even
though there is a whole lot less of me now, i have some excess skin i hate
seeing. i wish you the best of luck for happiness, intamacy and for a very
safe and uneventful surgery! :) enjoy your journey, its a wild one! :)
— carrie M.
January 5, 2003
These are all wonderful things but please do not hang your future life on
getting these things because of WLS. In my opinion it is a recipe for
disaster. If they don't come about you may very well end up severely
depressed. You have to be doing this for you and a healthy life and if the
rest comes along great but if it doesn't you need to be okay with that. I
strongly encourage counseling before and after surgery to help you through
this wonderful but difficult time. I speak from experience, so do not
think I am trying to be mean or anything. I just want you to be succesful
and happy and a relationship can not fix your issues that feed your weight.
— zoedogcbr
January 5, 2003
I understand what you mean about the hugs, after loosing 116 lbs. the
hugs I got from my relatives and friends that I hadn't seen in a while,
where just true pleasure for me. I could actually feel the hug, if you
know what i mean. As far as the naked thing, im not there, and since im
single and not dating, i dont have to worry about that. maybe one day....
— paulsgirl
January 5, 2003
although i've been married now for three years, i must say that i've never
liked being naked in front of my husband, i always tell him to look away.
i am two months post op and have lost 45 lbs, but i still feel that i'm not
as secure as i should be. it's hard, but hold on, i know the day will come
for both of us, where being naked will be joy instead of sorrow. i offer
you a great big hug, and i don't care if our stomaches bump into each
other. peace out.
— YOLANDA P.
January 5, 2003
I am nearly 5 months post-op and I am regaining health that I never dreamed
I could regain. I love the closeness with my husband. I love the fact
that my knees and legs don't hurt. I love the fact that I have energy
again--although it's not quite where I want it to be yet. I just got a
whole bunch of new clothes for Christmas and I actually feel pretty in my
new clothes. I walk by a mirror and do a doubletake sometimes, realizing
that it's actually me. I'm not anywhere near where I want to be yet, but
the changes so far are just phenomenal to me. My husband still reminds me
that he adored me before surgery and he adores me now. But the biggest
incentive to me to stay on track is the struggle I see my 75 year old
mother going through. She was overweight many years and never exercised or
took care of herself. When she did diet, I feel she really hurt her body
by over-dieting. Now she's got health problems out the wazoo. I want to
make sure I diet safely and regain my health, so that I won't be a sick
person when I'm older. My one trivial thing I miss is DIET COKE, but I
just think about all the good and keep on trucking.
— Cathy S.
January 5, 2003
Marcy, keep hanging in there -- it will get better. I know what you mean
about wanting those hugs from someone other than your son. Before I met my
current husband, I had been alone with my son for 5 years, divorced from
his father. Many times I felt such an aching to be held, nothing more. I
really found comfort in food during those years. Fortunately I found a man
who loved me at nearly 300 pounds and is my #1 supporter now that I'm down
to 197. He's not the most affectionate man I've known but he has so many
other really great qualities. And I do get affection when I really need it.
I am surprised that hugs from friends and family mean even more now! I
never realized how I held back when hugging a friend hello or goodbye. I
was so self-conscious about someone feeling the fatness. Now I cling to
them a bit longer each time I see them! I see plenty of good hugs in your
future, Marcy. Don't take a single one for granted! And those hugs from
your son are important. Soon enough he'll be a strapping boy of 17 (like
mine) and won't have quite as much time for hugs...although my son does
still hug his mom, I just don't see him often enough! Happy New Year!
(((HUGS))) - Anna LAP RNY 7/3/02 -101 lbs.
— Anna L.
January 6, 2003
Each and every one of you are so sweet and special in this website. I
honestly feel that your friendship/comments/encouragement are PRICELESS.
Thank you all. Chris... I didn't mean that I want to go out and get laid
and THAT IS NOT WHY I AM HAVING WLS!!!! And I think we ALL could use some
counseling at one point or another. I am just saying that I miss
affection. A NORMAL, not psychotic desire because I am human. Thank you.
— Marcy G.
January 6, 2003
Marcy-
How wonderful of you to be so candid, and to discuss what so many of us are
afraid to talk about. I am 47 years old, have been married for 25years,
and weigh 320 lbs. I am very, very lonely. My husband and I are both
interested in sex, but I miss affection. I miss hugs and kisses and looks
of longing and approval. I miss being able to enjoy sexual positions that
are fun, not merely barely adequate. I'm very afraid that after my surgery
I my husband will still be distant towards me, or that I will stray in
order to find that affection that I seek. At least I now have an excuse to
not look for it. But I crave affection like you do. I am a nurse who
works with elderly people, and I've heard some of them say that they
haven't been hugged or experienced affection for a very long time. Its
sad, and I feel sad that I am still "young" and wish somebody
would touch me with caring and affection. I'm encouraged, Marcy, that you
want to connect with other people. You sound like you have a wonderful
love to share, and I hope that you will find fulfillment in the near
future.
Carol Rein
— Carol R.
Click Here to Return