Question:
O.K. so I thought at 42 I would be over it but yesterday I had a child (maybe 6 years
old) come up to me and ask me if I was going to have a baby. For God's sake she was only a child but it hurt like a knife. It was at the school I work at and I even had a new dress on and felt at least like I looked fairly good. Well maybe at least presntable. WOW I can't believe how bad it hurts and how quickly the tears can come... — Jill E. (posted on August 26, 2000)
August 26, 2000
JILL, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, I HAD A FIVE YEAR OLD SAY TO MY NIECE ONE
TIME, "LOOK HOW FAT SHE IS" WHILE POINTING AT ME. IT WAS AT A
PARTY AND I LEFT CRYING, AND ANGRY WITH NOT ONLY THE CHILD (WHO I SHOULDN'T
HAVE BEEN ANGRY AT) AND THE PARENTS. I WISH I COULD TELL YOU AN IDEA OF
HOW TO GET OVER IT, BUT I'M NOW 40 AND I STILL CAN'T. I JUST REMIND MYSELF
NOW THAT I'M DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT, PLUS I REVIEW MY SPECIAL GOOD POINTS
TO MYSELF. DONNA
— Donna G.
August 26, 2000
You are NOT alone, you should never feel alone. Children can be so brutal,
they say only what they are taught. About ten years ago I was at the pool
at my apartment with my then-boyfriend, when a little boy asked him if he
loved me. He said yes, and the child asked why? he said because shes a
wonderful woman. the child said, "You can't love her she's so fat. My
daddy tells mommy every day that he wont love her if shes fat. You
shouldn't love her" I was mortified and burst into tears.. TEN YEARS
AGO, and I stil vividly remember a 20 second conversation with a child.
People DO love us. We are special, beautiful and worthy. Try not to put too
much into the ignorant words of a child.
— Cheryl S.
August 26, 2000
Jill, I know it hurts. We all know how it hurts, and we have ALL been
victims of society's view of obese people. While the child is not at
fault, it doesn't take the pain away. My own nephew (who is 5) used to
point at my tummy regularly when he was a toddler and say "baby,
baby". One day I was mortified when he did it in church! Another
time he told me I was a "very big girl". The only thing you can
do is laugh it off. Children look at us with eyes of innocence and have
absolutely no sense of diplomacy? They call it as they see it. Please
hang in there. You are on your WLS journey. In the near future you'll be
able to walk through a crowd and have a kid pointing at you becuase you
look pretty - your weight will not be the first thing they see. Smile!
You are special! I am sending you a virtual hug.
— Paula G.
August 26, 2000
Just think you will be skinny soon. I personally take advantage of being
big in big parking lots and if they have an expectant mothers special
parking close up front I zip in and park there and get out and pooch my
stomach out (even more) I dont have to pretend to waddle I already do. And
who says there arent advantages of being fat. haha
— kcraig
August 26, 2000
Jill--I can completely understand where you are coming from. I have been
asked by grown ups when I was due. It has happened so frequently, that now
I kindof shrug it off and say, nope, I'm just overweight. But I myself
have a child that totally embarassed me in public just the other day. My
daughter is 6, and a few days ago, we were in a convenience store where an
obese women was there shopping. I had thought that I had taught her not to
be ignorant by explaining to her that I have a weight problem every time
she made a comment about why my belly was so big. I have told her that it
was because I eat too much, but that it is not nice to tell anyone that
they are fat. She should just keep those thoughts to herself and talk to
me about them later. Well, I guess that didn't work, because when she saw
the women in the store (and this woman was very large, I would have loved
to tell her about WLS, but didn't have the nerve) she commented that the
lady had a big belly like I do. I was mortified!!!! I guess I didn't
succeed in teaching her to be good to all, although I know it was innocent
and she didn't understand that it would hurt her feelings. I guess what I
am trying to tell you is that I understand where you are coming from, but I
can understand the innocence of children as well. I hope you feel better.
— [Anonymous]
August 26, 2000
I knwo exactly where you are coming from because it's happened to me too.
The flip-side has also happened to me, though. I've had three children in
the past three years and for all three pregnancies, I was over 300 pounds
so no one who didn't know me could tell that I was pregnant. My shape
changed toward the end of each pregnancy, but I still just looked fat. I
would have loved to experience pregnancy as a thin woman, but I have enough
kids! We planned for two, ended up having three beautiful sons(don't
believe anyone who says the IUD is foolproof - I keep teasing my husband
that we must be the fools because I got pregnant anyway. lol) and now
we're done. Like one of the previous people said, just think about when
you're thin and this won't happen. That's what I do!! Kids can be cruel,
but we can't blame them. My kids have embarrassed me with things that
they've said, but most often it's just out of curiousity.
— Terry M.
August 26, 2000
Oops - that should be three kids in <B>FOUR</B> years, not
three in three. That would be just crazy. No one has ever accused me of
being sane though!
— Terry M.
August 27, 2000
I teach school also. Before I went back in the classroom I substituted
teach around our school district. There are some kids that are still
waiting for me to deliver. For me it was just easier to say "Yes, I
am going to have a baby." I guess you could say it was a lie and it
was, but it was easier than explaining what the real problem is. I have
since had my surgery. I have lost 85 pounds and now I have kids coming up
to me saying "Hey, Mrs. Velo your getting skinny!" It is great
when a compliment comes from an adult, but the best is from a kid! I hope
this helps. Keep your chin up and hang in there.
— Sandra V.
August 29, 2000
Age is no barrier to pain. I have just turned 50 and it still hurts just
as much now and it did when my children were small to know that they don't
want me around them and their friends because I am so fat. Everyone here
has become my best friend because all people here know what it feels like
to be rejected or teased because of our weight. WE ARE PEOPLE! Real
people with real hearts minds and spirits. Hang in there.
— Dixie E.
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