Question:
Anyone experience lack of desire/ intimacy
I don't know about anyone else but I just am finding it hard to get intimate with my boyfriend. I am not sure if it is a hormonal thing or self image thing? anyone else experience this? — [Anonymous] (posted on November 29, 2001)
November 29, 2001
I am the same way. Post-op 4 months and have no desire. I should feel more
free to do so since I don't have all that weight to hold me back from
making moves I wanted to before, but NOPE.I will check back to see how many
of us feel the same.
— [Anonymous]
November 29, 2001
Definately, I am pre op and I have felt like "Running and hiding"
for about 4 years now. There are times that I just absolutely hate the man
that I have been married to for 13 years. Can't even stand to look at him.
His touch makes me cringe, so I just lay there. Is it over yet? I am
hopeing that after WLS I will change and want to be intimate with my mate,
as I do love him still. I know that if it don't happen, I can't continue to
live this way and will be just another statistic of WLS. I am also
prepaired for that.
— [Anonymous]
November 29, 2001
I know exactly how you feel. I am pre-op and I have absolutely no sexual
desire at all. I am always tired all the time so when I go to bed, I want
to sleep. My husband wants to be intimate everyday, I can barely be
intimate once a week. Once we are intimate I definately enjoy it but I
can't help but say, well atleast that should hold him back for another week
hopefully he won't bug me too much now, kinda the same routine over and
over. I am hoping that God willing I have this surgery and I achieve
weightloss, I will feel more attractive and want to share with my husband.
— [Anonymous]
November 29, 2001
Boy, do I know the feeling. The thought of intimacy makes me shudder.
I've been on anti-depressants for 5 years and have used that as an excuse.
Then the excuse was that I was uncomfortable...too heavy...I was sometimes
able to keep my dear husband at bay for a month at a time. I would love to
have the sex life that we enjoyed years ago. I am one month post-op and
down 30 pounds. Still, the desire is just not there.
— [Anonymous]
November 29, 2001
Are you a pre op or post op? Pre op this is very common, post ops generally
get turned on all the time. Although there are xceptions to this.:( I tell
our friends I am waiting impatiently for my sex crazed teenage wife to
arrive shortly after surgery december 10. Doctor Schauer suggested I give
her some time to recover.... perhaps a few days? Seriously surgery and the
decision to have it messes with our minds. Most problems eventually go away
— bob-haller
November 30, 2001
i wish I had some of this feeling. i'm on the opposite end of the
spectrum. after all the weight I have lost, I can't get enough! it's the
best ever in my life.
— [Anonymous]
November 30, 2001
I have to say since the surgery, the more weight I lose the more my libido
increases. I dont know if it is common, just my experience. I will say even
though the libido is better I have had some lubercation problems but that
is easy to remedy.
— sherri W.
November 30, 2001
Being obese for most of my adult life, it was hard to tell
if my lack of drive was from that or other issues. Once the
weight came off, the other issues raised their ugly heads:)
I came from a seriously dysfunctional home and was taught
all the wrong things about having a relationship with a man.
Add to that my husband's upbringing and we really have had
some adjustments to make! We have, but it has taken much prayer
and counseling. My sex drive is affected by so many things:
hormones, self esteem (and there are days I still feel fat
even though I am a size 8-10), and how my emotional relationship
with my husband is going. He can affect me by how he treats
me as well. We are a complicated bunch, we women are, but
as a post op of almost 2 years, I am having the best relationship
I ever had- and it is with my husband of 16 years. It DOES
get better!
— M B.
November 30, 2001
I am 7 months post op I too feel a lack of sexual desire. The thing that
boggles my mind was I started off at a size tight 24, now I'm in a 10. I
feel that when I was at my heaviest I wanted and enjoyed sex more. Now I
feel like I'm too fat and too self conscience about my body. The
lubrication issue has also been a problem for me, I figure it will work
itself out. Maybe I am not comfortable with my mate. Hmmm something to
thing about.... Good Luck to all
— [Anonymous]
November 30, 2001
the libido problem can also be addressed with testostrone cream.
— [Anonymous]
November 30, 2001
Oh yeah! That was a problem for me too....it lasted about a year!
I really tried not to dwell on it because I assumed that it was my
body's reaction to the surgery (I had an open rny), the drastic weight
loss (I lost 110lbs. in that year), the dietary changes and my emotions.
I had enough going on....I didn't want to dwell on THAT also. To be
honest,
my boyfriend got a bit anxious after a few months, so I did what women
have
been doing for eons....I bought a good lubricant and faked it! With the
weight
loss and my highetend self-esteem, my libido did return. Things have never
been
better. Just be patient.
— [Anonymous]
November 30, 2001
So glad you asked. Prior to surgery I was readily orgasmic. Post-op (17
months now) it takes me forever or not at all. I enjoy all the closeness
& caressing but its like I've just gone numb down there. I had a
panniculectomy & I truly feel that affected the nerves in that area.
My gyno doesn't agree, says my body is still healing. I think I need to see
a specialist. It's really starting to depress me....
— [Anonymous]
November 30, 2001
I had original surgery a year ago and it took about 8 mos to get back my
libido and also to have a "normal" period. At 9 mos I had to
have a revision to transected pouch and now I am "neutered"
again! At least this time I know that the desire will return, it just take
a long time. My poor husband has been extremely patient!
— Marilyn C.
November 30, 2001
I think I could live without sex for the rest of my life and not miss it.
But then again it was never that important or that great to me. Our
marriage is suffering right now over this very issue. My husband has just
admitted that he is a sex addict. Not a very good combination with someone
who doesn't care if they ever have sex again! We've started communicating
more than we have in a long time and plan to start therapy soon. I think
that there are long term efects of the obisity that don't go away just
because you had surgery.
— [Anonymous]
December 1, 2001
Before my surgery I had a very high sex drive, now alittle over 3 months
out I could take it or leave it.
— K T.
December 3, 2001
My libido was very high before, and now its next to nothing. My doctor
says it is common, and that it will pass. I'm 9 months out.. I wonder how
long its gonna take? lol..maybe I need a new boyfriend!
— Jennifer J.
December 3, 2001
I find I go through spells. Some days, I really want it, some days, I don't
have the time or energy. Before surgery, I wanted it all of the time. I
think, after reflecting on this, I have decided that I used sex before as
an affirmation of my worth? Now I feel so good, I don't need is as
reassurance.
— [Anonymous]
Click Here to Return