Question:
What are some of your peet peeves about how people relate to your obesity?
One of the biggies for me is when people say "Oh you have such a pretty face!" Yeah. You're saying I have a pretty face but the rest of me is digusting?! Another is when people try to "teach" me (the stupid, clueless idiot) methods of loosing weight (like I have never made an effort to loose before?!) and then they say "If I can do it, so can you." or "If I can do it, anyone can." That really tics me off. Just because YOUR body chemistry allowed your body to shed the pounds using whatever junk you were using, doesn't mean it'll work the same with my body chemistry. Plus take into consideration your lack of diseases compared to mine which makes me gain weight. I hear this "if I can do it, anyone can" mantra alot on tv commercials for weight loss products & these people look like they've never been really obese in their lives. And if they really did have a significant weight problem, let's see their pic a year from now & they probably put it all back on & then some. We all here know now that these scams don't work & that's why we had/will be having wls! Some people are so aggravating when they're crying boo-hoo-hoo, I'm really fat. I'm a wopping 2 lbs. overweight. Give me a break! That's nothing! I'm not saying that those of you who are 5/10/15 lbs. or so from your goal shouldn't be complaining. It's different for us because we're trying to beat obesity. But these skinny minnies who complain about every ounce they gain & then have the nerve to consider themselves suffering and to call themselves fat. Well I got that out of my system......Anyone else have pet peeves like this? It would be neat to hear them! — lalasmommy (posted on August 27, 2001)
August 27, 2001
My biggest peeve is the unbelieving looks I get from people who first meet
my athletic, slender husband. Once I even overheard a loud "Oh my God,
THAT is Pete's wife??". Also, my mom's not so subtle hints such as,
"Here are my old Prevention magazine; thought maybe you would find
something interesting in them" But, y'know I think I'd have to correct
myself here and say that my biggest peeve is my own attitude though, to be
honest...feeling embarrassed and ashamed of what I look like and projecting
those feelings to everyone I come in contact with.
— Donna L.
August 27, 2001
It really hurts my feelings when all the gang goes shopping and they all
wear a size 5 and go into all the miss stores and hang for hours and I
can't get one leg in any of those clothes, not thinking about
"me"...How would they fill if I took them into Lane Bryant and
hung out for 2 hours.
Another is when one of my girlfriends says I'm gonna turn you into a party
animal when you loose this weight, you'll be cheating on your hubby all the
time....HOLD UP...I don't want that kind of life and have told her that. I
will be the same person skinny, and I will STILL love my hubby as much as I
do now and hopefully we can build on more romance for ourselves, I'm sure
not interested in others! Stupid stuff like this drives me CRAZY!
Another one is like you said the ones who weigh 120 soaking wet and whine
because they are fat, how do they think that makes 'us' feel?? Want some
cheese with that whine?
— [Anonymous]
August 27, 2001
Alexandria, boy are you a little mad or what? When people make those
comments to me I chalked it up to ignorance.. some do not
intentionally try to be "in-sensitive" but its like I explain to
my brother ( who lost 40 pounds in 3 months and has kept it up)
until you understand what is like to "not be able to fit in a booth,
or movie chair comfortably, or get winded from walking stairs"
I could go on.. then you do not know or can comment on my situation or lack
of weight loss...
— rinkadinktx
August 27, 2001
My Pet Peeve is are the Dexatrim commercials that I see on TV all the time.
"I used to be *so fat. but I lost 6 pounds with Dexatrim and now I
am thin again". Honey, if you only lost 6 pounds then you can't even
begin to understand the idea of fat!
— FireJewel
August 27, 2001
So, I am trying to watch myself a bit these days...still a pre-op but
trying to not overindulge too much. Then last week at, the beach when I
reached for a cookie my size 1 friend told me "you are only allowed to
have two cookies"...um, hello? Last time I checked I wasn't a child
and you weren't my mother. I know exactly what I am doing, good or bad,
thank you very much and I don't need your input.
— [Anonymous]
August 27, 2001
I have a whole group of people who have never known me as morbidly obese.
I wonder if they feel this way when I obsess about moving up a pound or two
on the scale, or when I refer to myself as a fat person (old habits die
hard). Fortunately, I never gave a good golly about what people said when
I was morbidly obese, and I just don't waste the energy on it now that I am
a more normal weight either! -Kate-
— kateseidel
August 27, 2001
It hurts when I'm out and people won't give me eye contact. When you are
morbidly obese people just look past you like you are not human or worthy
of a kind word. I also hate it when I get all this "diet advice".
Don't those butt heads think I have'nt done all these diet things for years
(and yet gained over 150 lbs on diets)? I especially hate it when a certain
person in my family (who is also MO) gives me advice, "eat this, eat
that, don't eat this, don't eat that" and you'll lose. Ah hem! How
come she's still MO and still gaining???
Then there was another person in my family who looked at me one day and
slapped my stomach and said "You need to lose weight!" This was
done in front of many people I knew. Funny thing is, she was fatter than
me!
I'm tired of people thinking that this is my fault! I know I have done
plenty of overeating and eating wrong foods. I'm not perfect. But for most
of 22 years I used every ounce of willpower and DID eat right for a good
share of that time to no avail. "So I know it is'nt all my
fault". I'm tired of people thinking I have no control like it's a
"charactor flaw". For years I've "cried inside" both
blaming myself and being blamed by others.
— Danmark
August 27, 2001
I have found my BIGGEST pet peeve about obesity, is mothers who don't teach
their kids, it's not nice to make fun of people and to make things worse
DON'T tell them it's not nice when they DO make fun of fat people (or
anyone else, but we're on this subject). The last time I really left my
house I went into a bank and the kid (9-11) in front of me in line was
making fun of me with his friend (?) and the mother said NOTHING, even
though i know if *I* heard it, she did too.
— Elizabeth D.
August 27, 2001
I can't stand skinny people telling me to skip a meal, like that would make
a difference. However, my biggest is that I can't log on to yahoo without
being constantly bombarded with signs to click here and lose 20 pounds by ?
date. I've been beating all their stupid dates by having WLS. These ads
feature those 20 pound losers. I think we all have to remember that most
diet commercials are not really targeted at the morbidly obese. They are
intended for people who need/want to lose 10% and none of them can relate
to needing to lose 50% or more. I could go on, but I'll spare you.
— kcanges
August 27, 2001
My pet peeve is when people assume that because I am morbidly obese, that I
am also stupid. I am actually quite intelligent and I get so tired of
having to prove it .... again .... and again .... and again.
— Lynn T.
August 27, 2001
I hate the fact that it is almost impossible to get great looking
professional clothes in my size. I work really hard at trying to look
professional, and it is REALLY tough. I also despise the looks I get from
people who haven't seen me in a while - even when they don't say anything,
I can see the shock in their eyes. But the worst of all is that people
assume that I am weak and undisciplined. I'd like to see them try to live
with my appetite for a year, and I bet they'd weigh a LOT more than I do.
I am tired of my biological predisposition being viewed as a lack of morals
and desire.
— Kathy J.
August 27, 2001
The one thing that horrified me was when a male co-worker said,(and I am
paraphrasing-but you will get the point)"Well, when you get the weight
off, you will have lots of male attention, and I think that you will not
know how to handle it." HUNH?!? He implied that I would cheat on my
husband because I am so gullible, or starved for attention, or never had it
before, or what ever, like I don't have the sense that God gave a rock. I
asked him, "So you think that I will become a different person, one
that does not respect the vows that I made, or that I am so desperate and
weak that I could not HANDLE the attention of another man??" Of course
with that, he backed down, but I was offended by the mere mention!
— Whitney D.
August 27, 2001
Hmmmm! This question reminds me of the one asked last week about what you
were looking forward to the most once you were post-op. That was a fun
question with lots of responses. Well, this is a fun question as well,
because it allows us to vent a little and we all need that once in awhile
and aren't some of you post-op people smiling a little at what used to
offend you? Well, here are some of my pet peeves. Being invisible! You
know, trying to get a sales clerks attention so you can ask a question or
get some help and that sales clerk will help everyone else, but they never
see you. How in the world can they miss us when we are so big? Being
treated as if I am stupid. I love seeing the look of amazement on people's
faces when I inform them that I have 2 college degrees and one of them is a
BS in Atmospheric Physics and then "they" have to ask me what
Atmospheric Physics is! I think MO people are generally much better
educated then a lot of people because of our physical limitations, we spend
more time sitting and reading, watching TV (the Dicovery Channel) and using
computers. As a kid I loved board games and they are very educational. I
always had very good study habits and skills because I didn't have much
else to do, therefore, I excelled in school. I even made the Dean's List a
couple of semesters. The huge, incredibly ugly prints they use for plus
size clothing. Or the bright, blinding colors used! I always wanted my
clothing to conceal my fat not shout out to everyone "Hey! Over here.
Look at me!" Thin people who have never had a weight issue who try
to tell me all about WLS because they happened to read an article in the
newspaper about it. Or they have a friend who has a friend, blah, blah
,blah.....! Wow! This has been so theraputic. I feel better already!
Thankyou.
— Susan M.
August 29, 2001
Walking into Lane Bryant and all they have are fitted blouses and cropped
Tshirts that say HOTTIE in orange glitter.
— Meredith A.
August 29, 2001
I hate it when I have to squeeze between two chairs or any tight space and
feel like everyone is watching to see if I'll make it. I hate it when
people look to see what you're eating and, if it's anything good, look away
in disgust. I hate it that a good portion of the people I see on the street
are bigger than I EVER was and if I don't fit in the seatbelt of a car, how
do they manage??? I hate it when I go to the gym and the musclehead
"trainer" keeps giving me tips because he figures I don't know
what the hell I'm doing. I hate it when my parents ask me every time they
talk to me whether I have lost weight, especially since they NEVER
encouraged me to have an active lifestyle. I hate it when I look in the
mirror and know I have lost weight but still feel like a "fatty."
I hate it when guys think Calista Flockhart types with their measly two
teaspoons of breasts are attractive while any actresses who are
healthy-looking and curvy are called "fat." I hope I never lose
my curves. I hope I never lose my perspective. I hope I don't obsess over 5
pounds. Because in the grand scheme of things, I chose WLS to be healthy,
not to please other people. And nobody EVER died from being 5 pounds
overweight! :)
— ctyst
August 29, 2001
One thing that used to hurt, but I never admitted it to myself, was when
people would meet my husband for the first time. People would say things
like "THAT'S your husband? Wow, is he gorgeous! Like they were SOOO
shocked that he would be with ME! I would usually just laugh and say,
"Yeah, hard to believe he's with someone like ME, huh?" That
usually would get them to try to take their foot out of their mouth, by
trying to say, "well, no, that's not what I meant..." but deep
down, it hurt, because I KNEW what they meant. Also, I used to hate meeting
my husband's co-workers because I could see the look in their eyes. They
were shocked, thinking, "THAT's Michael's wife??" Now, I'm proud
to meet his co-workers, although it never bothered my hubby in the least.
— Maria H.
August 29, 2001
Alexandra-
You are starting to sound like me, you poor woman! You are definitly in
the "PCOS angry stage".... since we have two issues, the PCOS
(that no one can ever seem to comprehend and we get a little tierd of
explaining!) and also being treated poorly/discrimination because of the
fat issue.
Not saying our excuse to be fat is better :) than someone else's reason for
being overweight but it is a very difficult thing to deal with, and believe
me I have been dealing with it. I bet you constantly wonder if you didn't
HAVE the PCOS if you could diet successfully, and not subject yourself to
surgery etc. or eat what you want, etc. I sure do. I wonder if I would
have been a neat size 6, 115lbs. like my Mom.....
You are NOT alone. PCOS sucks... it's not fair that you have it but it
will get a little better with WLS.
Just hang in there, keep on posting- since we ALL love to vent.... these
forums are the best!
— Karen R.
August 29, 2001
i have so many peeves i could write a book! I hate that my children have to
hear comments from kids at school about me whenever i go to a school
function. The worst has been over the last 20 years the unbelievably nasty
and demeaning comments i have received from total strangers as i am out in
public..here are just a few...a twentysomething male once followed me while
i was grocery shopping singing "your once..twice...fifty times a
lady"; while crossing a parking lot with my husband a male yelled out
of his car "hey where did you get her? Sea World?; and just recently
while waiting at a gas station for my husband to come out a couple of young
guys yelled over to me "you know they have plenty of food in
there!" and drove off laughing...each time I hear one of these
torments I die a little more and stay in my house a little more often...
the cruelness in this world sometimes overwhelms me...
— Kathy M.
August 30, 2001
My husband is a normal ?? weight guy. I get a kick out of seeing women try
to get his attention when we are out. I watch and at the moment when they
are making the biggest asses of themselves I just reach out and take his
arm and he smiles at me. I have to say it makes up for the nasty looks and
averted eyes that greet me when I go out in public. When one of those small
minded people ask how he ended up with you.. Just reply with a big smile
" Well we discussed that the other day and he told me he just got
lucky" Remember spouses are chosen for many other reasons besides
waist size.
I find that much of my insecure feelings about being morbidly obese are
within my own perspective of things. I will say to my husband or daughter.
Did you see how that person looked at me? and they don't see it. I have had
many people address me as though I was stupid but as soon as I open my
mouth and ask them a question(usually worded with their confusion in mind)
they smarten up quickly. I am going for WLS surgery as soon as possible for
health reasons. /The loss of having to buy clothing from catalogs because
nothing in any stores, Lane bryant included, will be difficult to overcome
but somehow i will manage.
— roseann A.
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