Question:
My husband has been very supportive thru all of my weight issues
I love my husband so much and I'm looking forward to a new life with him very much involved. Why is the divorce rate so high? It seems if he loves you heavy, he will love even less of you more. — Kathy V. (posted on January 14, 2003)
January 14, 2003
The way it was explained to me is that MO people have very low self-esteem
and don't have the courage to get out of an already bad situation. As you
lose the weight, confidence comes back and you feel like you don't need to
put up with him/her/bad situation anymore. My doc's office said that the
surgery won't make a bad situation better and the divorce rate for post-ops
is like 50%. I don't think that 50% is much higher than the general
population, though. My husband and I have struggled with our weight
together for our 13 year marriage and for the 3 years that we dated, but
this fact did scare me, too. I am 3 months post-op (RNY) and down 60
pounds. Hubby is trying to eat better but may consider surgery this year.
So far, my surgery has made our marriage even stronger since I feel so much
more energetic and happy. Good luck to you.
— Yolanda J.
January 14, 2003
Makes me wonder how much age has to do with it. Of weomn who had WLS in
their 40's, seems like a bad marriage got worse, and a good marriage became
even better (my case). The ones that men seem to bolt out of fear that she
will SEEM to be younger. Does it have to do with one's personal sense of
security? I don't know, just asking.
— vitalady
January 14, 2003
or seems he should love you more HEALTHY, at least love you longer (ie life
span)...
— Karen R.
January 14, 2003
Kathy, I'm glad to hear that you have a supportive husband! I do too, and
I sure needed him and still do! He was my ROCK through everything.
Immediately post op we walked together, and went to the gym together and
have done everything as a team. Personally he has no weight issues and is
very physically fit. But he enjoys being involved with this with me. He
does my measurements with me every two weeks and he practically hand feeds
me my vitamins. But then again, we always have done everything as a team.
We celebrate the successes together and he listens to me complain that I
can't eat that ice cream that he insists on keeping in the freezer! Oh
well, can't have it all, huh?
Now we can go backpacking, dancing, biking, swimming or anything we want
together, without my weight getting in the way. Kathy, I think we are the
lucky ones. I know I am. Good luck to you. (9 months post op- weight now
136lbs at 5'4")
— A. S.
January 14, 2003
Kathy,
I don't know why the divorce rate is up there with the WLS, I guess when
we're large we have low self-esteem, we choose are partners out of the fear
of being lonely. They say the bad only gets better. We need to remember
that when we're big not to settle for anything less. We're still human and
deserve the best out of a relationship. I learned that the hard way I'm on
husband #2, both of them married me while I was a large girl. 2nd husband
is a keeper, He's been with me threw everything and I didn't settle for
anything less. It was a time in my life that I had so much self-confidence
it was pouring out of the seams, and you know I was a big girl when I met
him. Met him weighing in at 250, highest weight was 303, We've been
married going on 8 years this September been together since 93, WLS does
put a strain on any relationship, I believe whether a great relationship or
a bad one. The best thing that you can do, If you love your husband and
cherish him more then anything, (Like I do mine) re-assure him that you
love him and keep re-assuring him. WLS is a rocky road, but if you hold
him tight, treasure him, and let him know that WLS is a true roller
coaster, full of mood swings and what nots... Its life changing let him
know what to expect. My husband is 10 years older then I so I work even
harder to re-assure him, as he keeps asking me where he fits in, in my
life? , I keep telling him, in my arms and around my heart! The only thing
that makes me happy is seeing him wake up next to me!
Post op almost 8 months down 110 pounds
— tannedtigress
January 14, 2003
I should really proof read what I type at times, the
bad only gets worse.....
— tannedtigress
January 15, 2003
I would expect that the divorce rate is somewhat high because of several
different reasons. Some people "settle" when they are heavier for
fear that noone will ever love them then they move on when they feel better
about themselves. I am sure there are men AND women out there who have
affairs and we all know that can do a marriage in. Some spouses just cannot
handle the attention that the other is getting post-op and may become very
jealous. There are also some that prefer a certain body type. This annoys
me simply because if you truly love someone, you love them no matter what.
Apparently not everyone feels that way, hence spouses leaving one another
when they gain weight..............I am lucky to have a fantastic husband
who loves me whole-heartedly as I do him. He is constantly telling me how
great I look and how proud he is of me. But the best thing about my husband
is he made me feel this way even <i>before</i> I lost the
weight.........Karen (lap rny- 9/20/02- down 98 pounds!)
— karmiausnic
January 20, 2003
I'm going through a rough time now in my marriage. My husband married me
when I was heavy. I got the looks and the talk about being fat, now I'm
getting the looks and compliments about my new skinny body and he feels
very threatened. I'm also rethinking a lot myself. My whole outlook has
changed and everyone goes through that.
— dolphins94
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