Question:
Doctor hurt my feelings - am I being overly sensitive or was he out of line?
Yesterday I went for the results of my sleep study. The doctor explained to me that I did have sleep apnea and did the whole 5 minute rundown of what the wavy lines on the paper meant. Later in our brief conversation he asked what weight I wanted to get down to and I told him "whatever is healthy... 150-170, I think". He asked me how tall I was and I told him 5'7" to which he very tersely corrected my estimation of what was healthy by saying "140." He then asked me how much I weighed now. I told him and he said and I QUOTE "whew... you've got a long way to go then". Now maybe I'm just being overly sensitive and it's alright to tell me that. But if ya'll think that was out of line, then I'm going to write a couple of letters (to him and the referring surgeon). Thanks as always, Christina — Christina Z. (posted on April 22, 2003)
April 22, 2003
Sheesh. Well, he certainly has a winning way about him, doesn't he?
Personally, I'd wait until all of the necessary reports are in and you're
ready for surgery. And then write a couple of letters.
Maria :)
— Maria N.
April 22, 2003
He certainly sounded insensitive didnt he? Many people speak without
thinking...Doctors nowdays have to take sensitivity training....sounds like
he missed the class. I'll never forget the dr who told me that if I wanted
weighed to go to the local feed store because they have scales that could
weigh a horse. I cried for 3 days. 388/294/180
— cherokey55
April 22, 2003
Christina, you may well be sensitive, but either way, I think the doctor's
comments were unprofessional. At 5'7", you could be anywhere from 123
to 163 and still be in the healthy range, so he was ijcorrect in saying
that you were wrong with your goal. I strived for a heavier goal myself
b/c I did not want to be disappointed, but then I surpassed it and set a
new goal. I would call / write as you said and just let them know it was an
insensitive remark. Goodluck to you!
— Lezlie Y.
April 22, 2003
I would let the referring physician know and express how you felt about it
and let the doctors decide if it was out of line. They often follow a
higher protocol with each other and that route may be more effective. My
guess is that the offending doctor was inexperienced and needs a little bit
of peer pressure to make an attitude adjustment.
— MaryCinFL
April 22, 2003
Were you a little bit over sensitive? Probably. Was he out of line for
his comments? Definitely. I know I wouldn't bother to write any letters,
because they'd be taking up my time, and they probably wouldn't do any
good. I guess I'm fortunate to be quick with a retort and not afraid to use
it. If it had been me that he had said such a thing to, I'd probably have
said, "Well, if I get to 140# that would be great, but I'll probably
not lose any sleep if I only get to 150-170. (For your height, 150 would
mean you were no longer overweight!) As to the second comment, I'd probably
have said something like..."Wow, doc...did you figure that out without
a calculator? All I can say is I'm glad you're my doctor, because you're
obviously a genius!"
With that type of comment, I think he'd realize what an idiotic thing
he had just said.
— Rob P.
April 22, 2003
Doctors are essentially scientists that deal with people. They are very
left-brained. They say what they mean. "You've got a long way to go,
then" means, well, you've got a long way to go. How is this so
offensive? Are you not morbidily obese? Do you not HAVE a long way to go?
Of course, maybe he said it in a tone that made you feel he was trying to
shame you, and that is bad. But lots of times with doctors, there isn't a
hidden meaning - they just say what they are thinking. That's why they're
not social workers.
— Kim A.
April 22, 2003
well, sorry, i don't give doctors an excuse for rudeness just because they
are doctors. i find most of them are curt and tactless, and that is
inexcusable. whether we admit it or not, we are all sensitive, and
especially sleep apnea specialists deal with overweight individuals
routinely. i hate to think those people are treated this way on a regular
basis. write a letter. who cares if it does no good. maybe it will and
will save another soul some heartache. darci
— darci T.
April 22, 2003
Christina, there is never an excuse for that type of insensitive remark.
Whether he THINKS it is his business, but once he says it, it's yours.
Never allow ANYONE to make comments to you that are insulting in ANY WAY,
regardless of who they are. They should be respectful of you as a person,
regardless of the reason you are there for treatment. I don't think you're
being overly sensitive. I think you understood that he was being
insulting, and he was!! Kuri, the true blue luzer!!
— blessednblu
April 22, 2003
Christina, These people are "MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS". He knows
better.If he felt like he needed to add a comment, it should have been a
positive one like "you'll get there" or something like that. I
think it was insensitive on his part to talk to a patient like that.
— Debbie W.
April 22, 2003
Not only was he insensitive, but he is ignorant too. To declare 140
without looking at the impact of body fat content is incompetent. The Army
kept trying to throw out my sister for being overweight at 5'4" and
155 pounds...except every time they did a body fat content analysis she was
5% under. Muscle weighs more. My WL surgeon told me 180 would be a
realistic weight goal for me, given my starting weight, the number of years
I had been morbidly obese and my genetics. Ignore him...flick off his
comments like you would an annoying gnat.
— merri B.
April 22, 2003
Well first of all I'm sorry that your feelings were hurt. But after
scanning over your profile I noticed(unless I missed it) that you never
posted a weight, not even a BMI. To me that says you are ashamed of your
weight, if you can't post it on this site ,where you're dealing with
morbidly obese people who don't even know you,then I think whatever the
doctor said would have been offended you. I use to be very ashamed about
my weight, until I realized, People know you're 200+ whether you give them
a weight or not. So I claimed my weight and who I am. If I'm confident in
who I am , then no one can hurt my feelings with a tactless comment. I'm
not denying your right to be sensitive, but don't give the doctor so much
power to hurt you. I've found that the people who say tactless comments are
insecure themselves. So if you say something about me I say something
about you. It's not always the nicest thing to do, but I assure you they
will think twice the next time they see an overweight person. Best
wishes:)!
— Kimmie C.
April 23, 2003
Was this your surgeon, PCP or the sleep study doctor? If it was your PCP, I
would find a new one. Though I don't think he was trying to be a jerk, he
obviously wasn't trying to be sensitive either. Your PCP is someone you
need to be able to talk to about anything and everything and he just
doesn't seem like someone you would feel comfortable with. If he is the
sleep study doctor, then you don't have to see him again, I wouldn't think.
If he is your soon to be surgeon, consider using someone else, for the same
reasons I gave about a PCP. And by the way, don't go by what statistics say
you should weigh. I "should" weigh 120/130 pounds but there is no
way I will be that small because A)I don't want ot be that small and B)I
will look sick. I started out at 321 with my original goal being 175. I am
now 194 (7 months post op) and have decided on 160. <i>I</i>
know whats best for <i>me</i>. Our bodies look different after
carrying so mauch weight for so long. We do not lose it like others do.
Look at the photos. A good number of people say they weigh an amount but
they look much smaller than that. I remember specifically a woman who
weighed 200 pounds and I swear she looked 140!......Set a "loose"
goal and then change it (if need be) as you go along. You may want to reach
a certain goal only to find that you felt and looked better 20 pounds
heavier- then you could gain it back if you wanted to. Like I said, YOU
decide what is "healthy" for YOU. Best of luck!!....Karen
— karmiausnic
Click Here to Return