My buddy is afraid for me...

I had a big chat last night with my friend who's going to help me through this process.  I understand that she is concerned, and I love that, but I think she's afraid for me as well.  She has a neighbour who works inthe hospital who has been filling her head with horror stories - like two people have died in the last month from this surgery.  I don't think that is the case, but does it ever have her freaked out!  She wants me to try to lose the weight non-surgically (I have lost 40 pounds in last 6 months).  I have told her that I am aware of the risks, that I know the life-long implications, that I know that I need to get my head adjusted as well in order to truly succeed and that I have read thousands of stories and first-hand accounts, both positive and negative, so I have gathered the information I need to make a rationale choice.  I am hoping she can come to education class with me - maybe it will put her mind at ease a bit.  I guess it's just nice to be loved enough that she is worried.  I wish I could share my sense of peace with her about this decision.

No real question here...just needed to share.  Have a great weekend folks!

Take her to the education session, and if she doesn't come around, I might advise putting some distance between you while you do your thing.  Sounds like she probably isn't going to be the best help for you.  I got so sick of people assuming that I didn't know the risks, or that I was being bamboozled (or worse, lazy).  jeesh.  your body, your decision.

sounds like you are secure in your own mind - that's the important thing. 

I agree with Lisa. Take her to the class and if that doesn't 'educate' her, then some distance may be needed. Some people just don't get that the surgery is a tool you need to make this a life long change. If dieting worked for us we wouldn't be taking this journey.

Take care and we are here for you.

I have several people around me who are very concerned about this procedure.  Mostly because they really dont know much about it.  And everyone's heard the horror stories.  What I did for some of those people was direct them to the "Before & After" photo gallery here and show them that not every operation is a disaster. 

The people who I NEED to be okay with this are my family and I've been taking them to all the classes and appointments so they're fully aware of what goes on.  Of course they're still worried but they know this is the right decision and they met the surgeon and they feel, like I do, that I'm in good hands.

Hi there

Fear from our family and friends is understandable because they aren't educated about the surgery
I am very surprised(well maybe not so much) at the nurses in the hospital
The likelihood of dying "from the surgery" is minimal. I think the people who die, die as a result of factors  like heart, blood pressure, and other health problems they had prior to going in for surgery.
A "healthy" person going into surgery should have no worries. This is my opinion from what I have seen over the years

This is the place to share. We love hearing from everyone. Some people keep these kinds of things in....... Not good

You will do fine

Take care

I think it's sweet when family and friends are concerned.  My hubby has been very concerned with every procedure I've had and has voiced his concerns but he supported me greatly on this surgery and still does.  I think mostly what has affected him is seeing how I am so much happier and able to do much more than before.  I agree that taking her to the education class and even to the Nut and whatever other appointments she can attend with you will put her mind at ease.  Remind her that there are always potential problems in every surgical procedure - you deal with it as it comes.  Maybe she should read info on here?  see how confident the majority of us are?


Good Luck

I have the same issues. I flat out had my cousin who I am super close with tell me "MANDA DON'T DO IT" But not doing it is not an option for me. I keep telling them I would rather die doing this than die at 30 and not trying.

She's a good friend and she's worried. People are filling HER head which scares HER for YOU. She loves you :) 

The best thing you can do is take her with you to a support group meeting.

Dawn

it sounds like she might not be the best support for you. I can understand being worried and all that, but she sounds a bit like she's going to make every thing into a catastrophe. If you have any sort of pain or can't tolerate food, she sounds like she's the type of person who might think its more serious than it is. Find yourself someone a little more level headed, and who will be on your side, without the horror stories.

I too had good friends sit me down and harangue me for twenty minutes, instructing me on how to "watch what I eat and exercise - it's got to come off". I know they meant well, but they truly don't get it.

It's NOT ABOUT losing the weight. We can all lose weight - we've all done it.
We can't keep it off.

Part of that is in our heads, and part of that is terribly complicated, as well all know - having to do with society and the food industry and the addictive changes caused in our brains by salt fat and sugar.
But the bottom line is - it's not about looking cute in jeans again.
It's about our health. And while her concern is out of love for you, it is not what you need at this moment. You need support, because the process is certainly not the easy way to do this.
It's tough, BUT SO WORTH IT.

If she's going to doubt all the way through, I agree with the others - she won't be helping you.
Maybe she just needs to hear that (gently of course).