Bad bad me. UPDATE
UPDATE:
Wow, I didn't realize my post would get so much of a response. That in itself is a sign of the magnitude of what I did. Where to start this morning, well, I feel better, mentally, I am not so upset and bitter as I was last night saying people were not be supportive and were ridiculing me and such, I feel I over reacted and for that I am sorry. I took out my anger at myself on everyone else. Later last night I had a few (two) bites of food and felt like absolute **** I nearly went to the ER, I called my surgeon late last night, I am sure he love that, and confessed what I had done earlier and now how I felt. I recieved good advice, he told me of course not to do it again, and what to watch our for. He put me on clear liquids for 24 hours with strict instructions to come to the ER if I had anymore trouble. I did not go in last night because I started feeling better and per his intructions that was ok. Did I damage anything? I still don't know, only time will tell. I cried and prayed for most of the night, too scared to go to sleep. I feel ok this morning but and keep a close watch on myself for complications. Some brought up the fact that I am an RN and should really know better, well I am, and in my head I do know better. I guess I just wasn't truly prepared for what it would be like after surgery, to say no to the food others are having. I truly scared myself straight last night, I really did. I looked at my children, 1 and 3 years old and I know I can't do this, I made most likely the biggest mistake of my life last night, it could have been my last. I plan on attending the support groups, I plan on regular counciling, I need to be accountable for myself and my children. I pray now I haven't done any damage, only time will tell. Anyone who would like to be, I don't know like a sponser or losing buddy please let me know, I think that would truly help me, let me know we can email back forth. Well that is all for right now I guess. For those of your that pray I could sure use a few prayers that I didn't do anything to cause damage and that I will always remember this and learn from it. Thank you.
Wow, I didn't realize my post would get so much of a response. That in itself is a sign of the magnitude of what I did. Where to start this morning, well, I feel better, mentally, I am not so upset and bitter as I was last night saying people were not be supportive and were ridiculing me and such, I feel I over reacted and for that I am sorry. I took out my anger at myself on everyone else. Later last night I had a few (two) bites of food and felt like absolute **** I nearly went to the ER, I called my surgeon late last night, I am sure he love that, and confessed what I had done earlier and now how I felt. I recieved good advice, he told me of course not to do it again, and what to watch our for. He put me on clear liquids for 24 hours with strict instructions to come to the ER if I had anymore trouble. I did not go in last night because I started feeling better and per his intructions that was ok. Did I damage anything? I still don't know, only time will tell. I cried and prayed for most of the night, too scared to go to sleep. I feel ok this morning but and keep a close watch on myself for complications. Some brought up the fact that I am an RN and should really know better, well I am, and in my head I do know better. I guess I just wasn't truly prepared for what it would be like after surgery, to say no to the food others are having. I truly scared myself straight last night, I really did. I looked at my children, 1 and 3 years old and I know I can't do this, I made most likely the biggest mistake of my life last night, it could have been my last. I plan on attending the support groups, I plan on regular counciling, I need to be accountable for myself and my children. I pray now I haven't done any damage, only time will tell. Anyone who would like to be, I don't know like a sponser or losing buddy please let me know, I think that would truly help me, let me know we can email back forth. Well that is all for right now I guess. For those of your that pray I could sure use a few prayers that I didn't do anything to cause damage and that I will always remember this and learn from it. Thank you.
NIKKI
Great post! It's wonderful that you contacted your surgeon and are planning to get the help you need to get control of your new life and way of eating.
As far as being an RN, I am in the medical field myself, and if we could all put into practice what we 'know' as medical professionals, we wouldn't need the help WLS gives us in the first place!
Best of luck to you. My time is coming up soon, and I've already accepted I'll need counselor to work with me on food issues.
As far as being an RN, I am in the medical field myself, and if we could all put into practice what we 'know' as medical professionals, we wouldn't need the help WLS gives us in the first place!
Best of luck to you. My time is coming up soon, and I've already accepted I'll need counselor to work with me on food issues.
I am the one that brought up the fact that she is a RN. I brought this up because, I can only imagine the things she has seen in her line of work. I would think that she has seen first hand what not following a doctors instructions can do to you. I would think that would have scared the bejesus out of her.
At any rate I am glad that yesterday's incident did scare the bejesus out of her and she won't be doing it again.
OP, wishing you nothing but the best.
At any rate I am glad that yesterday's incident did scare the bejesus out of her and she won't be doing it again.
OP, wishing you nothing but the best.
HT: 5'4" HW: 251 SW: 237 CW: 172 GW: 135
"You can control how much water you drink, how much protein/carbs/cals you consume, and how much you exercise. FOCUS on those and not the scale, because no matter how hard we try, we do not control the scale." ~ acbbrown
"You can control how much water you drink, how much protein/carbs/cals you consume, and how much you exercise. FOCUS on those and not the scale, because no matter how hard we try, we do not control the scale." ~ acbbrown
This makes me happy :) I'm glad you told your surgeon and that he wasn't an ass about it. I'm very happy to see that you understand the possible consequences of those actions and that it wasn't just about falling off the wagon. This is a good lesson, not just for you, but for others who haven't had surgery yet. It will also hopefully keep you on the straight and narrow for a long time to come. Good thing you have the signs to look for now just in case. :)
HW 380.8+ SW- 371.4 CW- 234.4 GW- 200 
I'm so glad you came out the other side of this as you did and that you understand the magnitude of what you did. It's the best possible result of an episode like this. Hopefully everyone else will see this and let you put this behind you. These early weeks are rough but important in terms of healing. Good luck, you are well on your way to understanding what a challenging journey this is.
These posts come up once in a while and they always generate a huge response. Don't take it too personally. Learn and move on.
I'm happy that you're taking things seriously and realize the magnitude of how the mental aspect of post-op life is so much more difficult than the physical.
I whole-heartedly agree with counseling. It is invaluable during this process.
I would also encourage you to think about how you ended up in a Chinese restaurant at 2 weeks post-op. In my opinion, agreeing to go to a Chinese restaurant when there was nothing you should eat there, was your critical mistake. You can't rely on sheer willpower alone to protect you and get you through.
We are all food addicts and compulsive eaters here. The most important thing is to realize it and learn about yourself through this process. You may be like me, who can stray a bit in a time-controlled manner, and still come out okay and get back on track; or you may be like Happy, who is admittedly so carb-addicted that she absolutely abstains from all junk food, sugar and simple carbs. Learning about yourself is the most important part of the journey.
This process is a lot like nursing. It is rare that a patient just codes out of the blue. Usually there are a hundred signs that should have been noticed, and many opportunities to intervene before the code is called. Start assessing, planning and evaluating. Don't let yourself get to that "code blue" eating status ever again. Make good decisions and know your own limits. Learn your triggers and avoid them at all costs.
Going to a Chinese restaurant at 2 weeks out is kind of like hanging blood products on a patient you don't know without checking them first -- there's a very small chance that things will work out, but most likely a critical error is going to occur. As nurses, there are hundreds of safety steps that we follow every day to avoid critical errors. You need to design similar safety steps for your new post-op life. ...And you do need to design a different life and way of being if you're going to be successful. You can't live your old life and maintain the same relationship with food and make your sleeve work for you at the same time. Good luck!
I'm happy that you're taking things seriously and realize the magnitude of how the mental aspect of post-op life is so much more difficult than the physical.
I whole-heartedly agree with counseling. It is invaluable during this process.
I would also encourage you to think about how you ended up in a Chinese restaurant at 2 weeks post-op. In my opinion, agreeing to go to a Chinese restaurant when there was nothing you should eat there, was your critical mistake. You can't rely on sheer willpower alone to protect you and get you through.
We are all food addicts and compulsive eaters here. The most important thing is to realize it and learn about yourself through this process. You may be like me, who can stray a bit in a time-controlled manner, and still come out okay and get back on track; or you may be like Happy, who is admittedly so carb-addicted that she absolutely abstains from all junk food, sugar and simple carbs. Learning about yourself is the most important part of the journey.
This process is a lot like nursing. It is rare that a patient just codes out of the blue. Usually there are a hundred signs that should have been noticed, and many opportunities to intervene before the code is called. Start assessing, planning and evaluating. Don't let yourself get to that "code blue" eating status ever again. Make good decisions and know your own limits. Learn your triggers and avoid them at all costs.
Going to a Chinese restaurant at 2 weeks out is kind of like hanging blood products on a patient you don't know without checking them first -- there's a very small chance that things will work out, but most likely a critical error is going to occur. As nurses, there are hundreds of safety steps that we follow every day to avoid critical errors. You need to design similar safety steps for your new post-op life. ...And you do need to design a different life and way of being if you're going to be successful. You can't live your old life and maintain the same relationship with food and make your sleeve work for you at the same time. Good luck!
" I am not at all concerned with appearing to be consistent. In my pursuit after Truth I have discarded many ideas and learnt many new things." Ghandi 
We all care about each other on OH, I have not been on here long but I have gotten a lot of support, The support that people gives is the truth and sometimes it hurts
but we are here for you! And you did the right thing by coming on here and opening up even if are words were not nice
you did call the doctor and that was the first step, I would love to be your friend!
but we are here for you! And you did the right thing by coming on here and opening up even if are words were not nice you did call the doctor and that was the first step, I would love to be your friend! 
Finally, I read stories like this!!! Very sorry this happened to you and I pray no damage was done. It's like before my surgery I only saw great stories not much complaining. this didn't prepare me mentally for this surgery, this first week has been HELL for me!!! Smelling good food, watching others ea****ching food commercials...I felt like what the heck did I do to myself. Today was a new day, I'm still mentally hungry but I'm learning how to deal with my decision of surgery and I'm trying to give it a chance and make this tool work to help me have a better life. Believe me its a struggle and I don't know how the heck people get through the first 3 liquid weeks without complaining. Sorry but I'm just trying to keep it real..Maybe in a few months I can't say oh everything is great, but for now...THIS SUCKS!!! Good luck on you journey, you'll do fine. You scared the crap out of yourself! (lesson learned)
D.Torres
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