I hate my fat self...NOW?

I know that I had become very practiced about avoiding mirrors. I cannot recall the last time that I even purchased clothing in a store much less used the dressing room.  Perhaps some of what you are feeling can be attributed to simply looking in the mirror in one of the most unflattering locations. You've done wo well with 30 pounds. It took me 8 months to lose 30 pounds on the pre-op diet. I'll bet you feel better and that counts for a lot.

Yes, yes and yes! I went from a size 24W to 18 and in theory that's great, right? So I buy a pair of Old Navy sz 18 jeans and didn't take the time to try them on (still not over the dressing room fears that came from fatter days). I was so excited, washed and dried them, tried them on and they didn't go past my thighs!!

I was so angry and disgusted with myself. I piled the clothes back in front of my bureau mirror and hung my head in shame.

Logically, I know clothing mfgs are all different and there is no true size 18. But that did little to take away my disappointment.

My DH wonders why I don't want to go out in public a lot and show off my new self. But I don't really see the change yet. I don't feel I've lost enough yet. And then I catch a glimpse of myself in a store window and am shocked that I don't look different.

Self image is still askew. I denied how MO I really was, why wouldn't I deny how much better I look?

I continue the behavioral therapy I started preop, and hopefully I can get healthy on the inside too!

I think this is totally normal.  Pre WLS at 5'1" and 242 pounds, I was totally free in my body.  I didn't have body issues . . . I wore the cutest pants suits I could find and popped into my swimming suit without a thought.  I think I had on my "wall of fat" so what did it matter?  Mostly, I just wanted to make sure I was making the most of my life.  Ironically, with over 100 pounds off, I now have all sorts of body issues.  Suddenly, I notice that my body is pair shaped and my thighs are too round.  I think it is actually progress to be back in touch with the reality of our bodies . . . and am working to not translate this into a positive connection.  One thing I've been doing is making a point of looking at women's bodies and mentally celebrating what is beautiful and unique about them.  I have discovered that there are women I think are beautiful and natural who have buldging thighs (from biking not eating) or are thin but also have pair-shaped bodies (maybe this is God's design not MY flaw . . . ).  It seems to be helping.  At any rate, I think it's good that you are reconnecting to your body . . . and now need to find the love!  Good luck.  Kelly

I'm over 100 pounds down from my heighest weight and go through that everyday.  People always wonder why I take face pics and rarely full body pics.......I HATE the way I look . I feel like I'm looking at the same person, but a smaller version.  Almost like I'm a smaller fat person? 

I've always said I need to get counseling.......