Divorced due to surgery - Need HELP!

I have my surgery scheduled. My husband won't support me and is divorcing me because of it. He says it's barbaric and too much trouble. My question is this: Has this happened to anyone else? How did you cope with it? Where did you go for support? Was your heart broken and if so, how long did it take to heal? Please help and tell me someone has made it through! Please tell me someone, please, the path you followed to get through the pain! I am so afraid being alone, being 48 and single again, and no longer having a home. I am afraid. Please let me know how you made it through the pain of divorce? HELP! And, thank you so much for writing!

Jill, I am so sorry for your pain. I really feel for you. Just know that we are all here for you. I wish you the best. Never give up hope.

Sweetie, I'm so sorry he's doing this to you, but to me it sounds like an excuse. I am divorced, have been for six years and was left with 2 small children. You DO get through the pain, it won't be easy. May I suggest going to your pastor, rabbi, priest or another trust-worthy counsellor to help you through this awful ordeal. I don't know what I would have done without God, my church, my pastor, and my close friends. If your husband is leaving you because of WLS, he's got some real security issues, is closed minded and unwilling to learn of the benefits. Maybe he fears you would leave him when your confidence is high. You may want to be willing to put off the surgery until both of you get some counselling together to save your marriage... if he is willing. Maybe after some time, he will open up to the idea with the help of counselling. However, if he's bent on leaving you, then you just have to work on getting through this, and rely on the people that do love you to help you, I'm sending you a HUG. You are in my prayers. Lisa

Hi Jill, im so sorry to hear that your husband is reacting this way. My husband is very nervous but he is sticking by me. He knows i have to do this for me. He knows how unhappy ive been all my life and how i want to be healthy. I know that your scared, but were all here if you need to talk. Hang in there girlfriend. Do what you need to do to make your life and health better. Lots of HUGGS...Sandi...

Do you really want to be with someone that give you that kind of ultimatum ???? I have lived with the same man for 6 years and one month after surgery he picked up and left. He also blamed it on the surgery - Honestly we haven't been happy for a very long time. We should have split 5 1/2 years ago. He didn't treat me the way I should be treated but I always made excuses for it out of fear of being alone. Well, alone isn't that bad at all. Actually, Im not alone - I have a small group of very dear friends that love me for me! Sure I get lonely sometimes, hell, I know people that are happily married that still get lonely. Its hard sometimes getting use to having to take care of everything on my own but I make it work. I pay the bills - they're actually on time now that I know whats going on with everything. I have to work a part time job also but thats because Im a bit extravagant. You need to be healthy and enjoy your life. Who is to say he won't pick up and leave for another reason and then this chance will be gone. You'll do fine. I can't and won't tell you to dump the jerk but I will tell you to listen to your heart. You already know whats best for you.

My boyfriend threatened to dump me when I first started researching and thinking about this surgery last year. My surgery is January 14th and my new boyfriend supports me!( I traded up). If your husband isn't supportive then you don't need him !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HI JILLL I AM VERY SORRY THAT HE HAS MADE YOU SO UNHAPPY. I KNOW IT IS A HARD THING TO GO THROUGH, I FEEL THAT IF HE REALLY LOVES YOU HE WOULD WANT THE BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR HEALTH IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING, IF HE DOESNT WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY THEN YOU REALLY NEED TO THINK ABOUT WHAT HE IS TO YOU AND WHY HE WANTS YOU TO BE UNHEALTHY, I FEEL THAT YOU MAY NEED TO REALLY TALK THROUGH THIS AND MAYBE GET SOME OUTSIDE COUNSELING. I KNOW THAT IF HE LOVES YOU HE WILL ACCEPT YOUR DECISION TO GET YOUR LIFE BACK ,PLEASE TRY AND TALK TO HIM AND MAYBE EVEN PUT IT OFF FIR A WHILE LONGER WHILE YOU ARE GOING THROUGH THE DIFFERENCES, IF HE IS STILL AGAINST IT YOU NEED TO THINK ABOUT WHATS MORE IMPORTANT HIM OR YOU. I KNOW THAT IT WILL BE HARD TO DO IT ON YOUR OWN BUT IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE. I HOPE THAT HE WILL REALIZE THAT YOU ARE DOING IT FOR A GOOD REASON AND THAT HE WILL BE BEHIND YOU . IF NOT KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND BE A BETTER PERSON BECAUSE OF THIS. PLEASE LET ME KNOW HOW IT GOES. YOU ARE NOT ALONE WE ARE HERE FOR YOU AND YOU CAN CALL ME ANYTIME. HERE IS MY NUMBER 601-766-0164 IF YOU WANT GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER AND I WILL CALL YOU SO I CAN SPEAK WITH YOU . PLEASE KEEP IN TOUCH. I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU . LOVE SONYA

I just have a couple of things to say about your hubby. Stop reading now if this will offend you. Don't let the door hit his A** on the way out. I was left 12 years ago because I was too fat, he wasn't happy, yadda, yadda, yadda! You don't need a man that doesn't want to stay. Guess what! I found Mr Wonderful, and have been with him ever since. He loved me at 160, and loves me now (much heavier than 160). He isn't mean and would never state that anything that helps me feel better physically and emotionally is "too much trouble". There are a lot of fish in the sea, go and find yourself a good one. His loss. Get a GOOD LAWYER. Ask around for a referral, don't pick out of the phone book. That is my best advice. Also, it hurts and it sucks, but accept your pain and sadness as normal. I would recommend some counseling as well. It is great to spend an hour yelling at a counselor, because friends always give advice and sometimes one just needs to vent! GOOD LUCK and remember you deserve better! Eileen

Hi Jill... I have possibly a different perspective here... but before I start, are you and your hubby happy? I mean, before this whole thing? If so... it is possible that he's just saying that he wants a divorce because he's scared for you. My hubby told me the same thing, even went as far as consulting with the lawyer, when he saw that I wasn't changing my mind... he changed his mind. I couldn't fault him though... this is a lot to ask someone to deal with, even if it is your husband. I mean, the risks are scarey... and asking someone else to handle those risks with you and then possibly (God Forbid) deal with everything alone, well, I'm just saying that it is a lot to deal with, and I understood that. However, if things have not been good between you... then he's just looking for an excuse to walk out, and in that case, your better off without him. Please don't believe that you are old! YOUR IN YOUR PRIME!! REMEMBER THAT!! Now I'm almost 2 months post surgery and down by 43 lbs. Things are still not great between us... I have very little energy and just barely make it through the work day, on the weekends, I manage to get the laundry cleaned, but nothing else in the house other than that... needless to say, he's getting pretty tired of it, and so am I but there isn't too much I can do about it at this point, so you know what? If he walks out, he walks out... I can't stop with him and I'm going to crumble and fade away if he goes... and I'm talking about the love of my life here... but life goes on and pain fades... just remember that and good luck! Hugs Lin

You probably don't want to hear this but let that controlling you know what go. Why should it be you that doesn't have a home. he wants to leave let him. If you back out of your surgery over this, things will be good for awhile then he will use something similar to threaten you with divorce again. He is wanting out and is using this as an excuse. You ask when does your heart start to heal. The day you realize that he probably never loved you anyway and just wants to control you, that is when you began to start healing. Do i sound cold. Don't mean to but I have been there and done that. Three times to be exact. I have been married to my present husband thirty three years but at my age, I will not let a man tell me what I can do and what I can't do. If he is that shallow, he will eventually leave you anyway. I am so sorry you are being treated this way and even sorrier that you feel ( I think) that you have to take it to hold on to him. Good luck in whatever you do. I bet if you call his bluff, he will back down.