sometimes i feel like lisa marie sohr...

I read an article this week about LMS....her triumph and subsequent loss and sadness followed by suicide. In the article, she stated that she felt like she had no female friends after her wls. I can sure relate to that....I dont exactly know why, but my wls and loss of almost 85 lbs has changed everything-I mean i still love my friends and  wls doesnt change that i have been an awesome friend for a long time. Last week I went to Vegas with my best friend and i am not sure we are friends anymore. I have never been so pretty and thin and never been so alone. On the trip, i got alot of attention and I will say she was not at all ok with it. My success has really threatened her and other friends i used to have. Her family was along and she took a few opportunities to throw me under the bus and make me look bad....that has never happened and I wasnt expecting the sucker punch. I also have a few less male friends. I am no longer content to be the single fat best girlfriend who they can say anything to and never be attracted to. Am I alone or has anyone ever felt like this or had these things happen?

 No but there are certainly too many people killing themselves after WLS - they say the likelihood is SEVEN times more than  a comparable population who stays fat ..... HMMM

In my case my friends changed.  I simply didnt feel as comfortable with the same group of people , nor did  they with me .  Its almost like we finally recognized we were from different generations .   My fat made me seem older and act older.. when i lost weight I no longer wanted to be that dowdy and retiring person.  

Sometimes its hard to change EVERYTHING ...  and thats what losing a huge amount of weight really makes U do .  U take stock of all Ur relationships , your long - cherished dreams ...  and probably change a LOT , because U CAN.  

Now it does take a lot of courage and emotional fortitude to make the new set of dreams come true too....   I feel blessed to have  a valid, everyday support system - before and after surgery , both here on OH in chat  and the liteweights forum and in the rooms of Overeaters Anonymous  which really helps me confront the things in the past that made me overeat and find alternative ways to relieve the emotional pressure while working on my deserved and long - awaited happiness.  

I do think its real important to talk about these things as they arise , not just sweep things under the rug hoping they'll go away ...

Most  of us were sad , frustrated and lonely people .for most of our lives ... and losing weight just brings these long suppressed hurts FORTH.

  Since we no longer can eat compulsively to deal with them... we need a safe place to discuss  what comes up and de-fang it if U will .  Also to learn new, less destructive  behaviors .  Im very thankful I have good friends here at OH  and  elsewhere who I can count on to support me in my darkest moments . 

Wow. What a great response. I really appreciate it. If I am VERY honest I am not feeling comfortable with some of the people anyway. I think a reason that the old relationships worked was because i was invisible and there to build up the other person. Sometimes when I am just relaxing and enjoying being me now, the other person reports that I am ignoring them....I will deal with this...its just so disappointing and surprising b/c although EVERYONE warns you that all will change and you know this....you dont really KNOW it till you KNOW it from real experience it.

 Ava - that should be a required reading post.   Beautifully said!    Susan

I've lost friends along the way in this journey and It's sad but it's shown me that some people feel threatened by someone Else's happiness and that's not the kind of person I want in my life. I've made new friends, people who have gone through the WLS journey and some who haven't. I've never understood why some women can be so mean and jealous and why they can't just be genuinely happy for you. I know some feel like they are being "left behind" as you lose weight and feel more confident and some just don't like that you are getting more attention, it makes them feel less important even though it shouldn't. You aren't going about flaunting yourself or intentionally trying to make others jealous. You'll meet new people and hopefully these people will be the kind of people you deserve, the kind of people who love and support you no matter what.

Oh thank you for saying that. When I was on vaca my "friend" took alot of pictures of me dressed up b/c i told her I was going to post some before and afters and now she says they were accidentally erased.. She is such a pretty person and i am surprised that with just a little success she is not there for me. You're right that I will make new friends, Just a little sad about the old ones. I actually thought that we would have MORE fun if I was a normal size and I could buy clothes off the rack too....it's not more fun for her i guess The focus has shifted to being about two people shopping instead of the model and the overweight friend assisting her.
I would have been embarassed to try on beautiful clothes in front of people before and im not now.

 Yours is an interesting post. Did you really never see any of this behavior before? How critical is she of others? Sounds like she's not really much of a friend.     Vegas is a great place to have fun. Next time...go by yourself. I did that when I could find no one to accompany me and had a great time!

Maybe i just didnt realize. I always have had beautiful friends and i never minded helping them or assisting them to buy outfits and i enjoyed the attention they got from men.....now i am prettier dateable and visible.I thought she'd enjoy the attention i am now getting and thought she'd help me shop and do things too.i was very wrong.  I guess it is hard for some people to cope with.  I may do just go by myself on vacation next time or take my mom or sisters.

I don't check here often, so I'm not sure if you read this article about her from 2005 in NY Magazine:

http://nymag.com/nymetro/health/features/1868/

The article came out the year after I had my surgery and the stories resonated with me. 

CitS

Good article.  Thank you for sharing.