I feel like a failure!

I had gastric bypass surgery on March 4th, 2008.  Starting weight, 298, weight now: 230.  I have gained 30 poiunds.  I have never made it to my goal weight of 175 yet.  I told myself I'd NEVER let this happen.  I told myself, how could people gain it back?  After all the preparation for the surgery, the surgery, the recovery, the success of weight loss..........how could people let themselves GAIN weight back?  I said I'd NEVER do that.  But here I am, over 3yrs out, and I'm RIGHT THERE where I said I'd never be.  WHY????  I know why.  Carbs, lack of excercise, and over-eating.  I'm so afraid that I've stretched my pouch right back to the original size.  I feel lost right now.  All the clothes I had to buy because my size 26 pants/shirts were too big..........are now getting snug.  I hate this!  I don't know where to start.  Should I go back to just liquids?  I don't know if I can do it or not.  I want to be back in control, I just don't know how.  Is anyone out there in this boat? 

Yup I hear ya, my honeymoon lasted 4 years and then bam it seemed like I gained 10lbs over night and losing it and keeping it back off is a constant battle.  When I lose some I feel like, whew, see I can lose and then seem to feel like I can eat whatever I want again, generally that means I partake in way too many brownie bites until I gained it all back.  Currently I diet all week, pretty strict diet just so I can eat whatever I want on the weekend.  Lately I have felt like this is a stupid idea because I never really lose any weight, but I am not gaining any weight either, so it works to some degree.  You really have to learn to diet and get some exercise, not that I exercise really but I do walk a lot.

Good Luck

This happens more thank you think.
So much so that a lot of surgeons have a back on track program made just for you. I think there is one out of Utah, too, if your surgeon doesn't have one.
Start by keeping a food diary to see where you are.
You can do it. Stay away from just doing liquids--the ultimate slider food. Your goal is to fill full.

FIrst step will sound strange but embrace OH as a community. Post some pictures, write about your experience every day if it helps...make friends and read on here daily. Long term success takes a very midful approach and OH is one key I believe. Post your food intake for the day and let people provide suggestions. Get back in touch with your surgeon and nut.....they are there to help you. Susan

Hijack!

HEY Zuz,  Love the new Avatar!  Still doing the woman-warrior tribe thing?

love ya,

c.

To the original Poster:
Dissappointment (like misspellings) are bound to occur on this path, as in any path.

You've come to the right place.  Accepting and expressing these...sidetrackings (which can feel like a freaking completely different highway) helps because, you realize that you're not alone, and that others will either show you the way back, or else be with you on the new road.

Either way, company is helpful. There IS power in numbers...where ever two or more...
:-)

hugs,

el cristiano

 Here is what happens with RNY. 

You lose about 100 pounds.  Most of that is in the first six months.  During that first six months the weight loss is like magic.  Then there is a period when you don't lose, but your weight stays the same no matter what you eat.  That is somewhat frustrating because you still want to lose the rest of the excess weight.  But you decide to be happy at being 100 pounds lighter and stop the diet and exercise.  

You start to enjoy carbs again and find that they are easy to eat and that they make you crave more and more carbs.  The carbs keep you in a kind of happy coma where exercise is no longer something you want to torture your body with. The more sugar and flour, the less walking and weight lifting.  This is the blissful honeymoon period and it feels like this marriage between you and weight loss surgery really has resulted in happy ever after.

At some point between 18 months and 36 months after surgery the body starts to regain.  It figures out how to overcome the effects of the surgery and puts back about 20 pounds. 

Most of us then go into desperation mode.  We decide to go back to all liquids. We stock up on protein powder, we join Weigh****chers, we try Atkins, we sign up for Jenny Craig, we do the five day pouch test, we hire a personal trainer, we start looking at ads for diet pills, we pray, we crash diet, we tell ourselves that we just need to go back to eating like we are new post-ops.  We are so mad at ourselves for blowing our surgery.

I believe that weight loss will never again be like it was right after surgery.  It can still be done, but it will be hard and slow.  You can crash diet and lose eight to ten pounds, but the weight will be back as soon as you get bored with the diet.  

I will tell you a few things that you can do to get started with fixing all of this.

1.  Relax.  This did not happen overnight and it will not get fixed overnight.
2.  Set small and realistic goals.  If you lose two pounds a month, it will take 15 months to lose 30 pounds.  That might be an excellent and doable goal.
3. It will be much harder to lose weight now and even harder than before surgery.  Your body has really learned how to hold on to weight now.
4.  Weigh yourself every day.  Don't let the enemy sneak up on you.  Not weighing allows you to be in denial.
5.  Start moving.  Even if it means getting up and walking in place instead of sitting while watching TV.   Find an activity you enjoy and start doing it.
6. Buy a few great outfits in your bigger size.  You will look and feel thinner if clothes are not too tight.
7. To gain control, start using an online program to log all of your food.  Tracking everything will also keep you out of denial.

 I don't cut out whole food groups, I don't drink protein shakes, I don't exercise excessively, I don't deny myself treats, I don't get mad at myself for not following all of the rules.  

I do weigh myself every day.  I do think about what I eat and why I am eating it.  I do exercise.  I do set weigh goals.  I do realize that my pouch is larger and that I will never be the same as I was right after surgery.

Thank you for your post.  It was something I needed at this time.  2 1/2 yrs out and have gained!  hopefully I can learn from it.

Like, like, LIKE Mary Catherine!!!

Thank you for this.  I need it right now.  And I'm saving it because I'm sure I'll need it again=)

Amen!!! MC just made me feel 100% better!!!  As a newbie, all I've seen is you can't eat..... and you can't eat...... and you better not eat......    Whew!!!

Your boat is sinking! Like the titanic it is so full of others like yourself (me included!) that we all seem to need a life raft now & then! Hang in there and don't give up!!! Remember why you had your surgery and just keep thinking of how good you felt after the surgery and the weight started coming off! I know it's hard I'm with you! I struggle to get beyond 245#.  I am at a standstill or I gain 3-4 # and lose it again and again.
The advice given here is usually always excellent.  Most have been where you are or know someone who is there or has been.  You stated you know why you are where you are now.  It's hard to admit we often are the culprits ourselves for eating carbs (too many) or just plain overeating even good stuff.  Don't beat yourself up.  It happens.  Susan, Mary Catherine, etc. all have excellent advice.
I have 3 others where I work who all had the same WLS as me (RNY) 2 others were a few months ahead of me and are stable & look good.  The other girl had surgery in/around Dec. and is losing beautifully and looks so damn good at times I want to hug her for her success and other times she makes me feel like I'm a failure! (I'm not!!) I lost 200# myself but still suffer with excess skin issues all over (abdomen, butt, legs, & arms !) I'm a proverbially Michelin Woman!!! LOL!
 Try to keep a sense of humor, too, I think it helps!!!
 Do you have a support group you could go to in your area? I think talking with others helps many. You are not alone & see others struggles, too and band together and get & give each other support & advice.  SOrry so long, just wanted to say I support you and we can get our boats back up and afloat again!!! Start with little goals and work your way up! YOu can do this and you are not a failure, just human.  Take care,  Mary