Single women help please///Self-conscience as before WLS

I had WSL April of 2010. I was sure that once I lost weight I would be healthy and have a better self-image.  Well over a hundred pounds later my body looks like a train wreck! The stretch marks, hanging and rippling skin makes look like I was mauled by a wild animal. On top of this I have cancer and just had partical mastecomy. (am putting dating on hold because of it right now)I am grateful with a good prognosis with the cancer and will be having breast reconstruction hopefully in the near future but wonder if any single women on here find it as hard as me to deal with their body image (more so than married women). I  would like to some day feel comfortable in my own skin and be who I really am inside . I feel Iike I have a big  secret under my clothes right now and find it  impossible to date with what I have turned into.  Should I take out a second mortgage on my house for plastic surgery and put myself at financial risk? Any thoughts, advice or tips? Anyone out there who had plastic surgery...was it worth the financially strain?    Sharon

We do. But eventually it gets better. After a while some of the skin pulls in... at least for some of us. A lot decide to have PS.  But it is what it is. 
IMO - once you find a good guy and stop hating your image - you can be in a very good place. I know i am. Acceptance of who you are and how you look like.  It takes time.  But it can happen.

BTW: we have a great supportive single forums.  Great people. 

http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/sex_before_and_after_wls/4 401684/saying-hey/#36393365

check it out.
BTW: if you meet a guy that you really like - would it bother you if he has a lot of scars?  if not - why do you think it will bother the right -good guy. The rest of them - you do not want to be with a person like that anyway.  IMO>

Sharon I hope my story will help you.  My surgery was ten years ago and I blindly dated not knowing I was supposed to be ashamed of my loose skin.  There were no forums to tell me I was supposed to be ashamed.  I thought I looked OK with my clothes on so I explained (when the time came) that I had WLS and had some loose skin.  As a result my husband to be fell in love with me and my heart and the skin was not an issue.  As it turned out we got married and he paid for plastic surgery later.  We will all get old some day and the looks will fade.  It has to be about more than that.  There are lots of tricks to feel more comfortable in intimate situations like leaving your bra on or low light.  I was grateful I didn't know any better or I would have never tried dating.  If someone walks out the door because of some loose skin you don't want any part of that person anyway!  I hope that helps.
Hugs, Y

Beautiful post, Yvonne!! 

I have had lots of plastic surgery in the last year, but my friends in support group have not all had it, but they are still beautiful.  I would not have gone into debt for the plastics because I don't believe in debt.  You are gorgeous in your photo.

Yvonne is so right!  If a man doesn't want us because of loose skin, then we don't want him!

Take care of your health!   You are beautiful!!

Thanks CLEM!

Sharon a couple of other things.  Know that we present ourselves to the world 99.99% of the time in our clothes.  There are only so many people that look great without clothes on and for them that will only last a certain amount of years.  Another good thing is your good prognosis and breast reconstruction.  That would take care of the top!  If and when you are at a point where you really want the reconstructive surgery (that's what it is really) you might check out on getting a medical loan.  It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate right now so be grateful for your wonderful progress, your good prognosis and a great life to come.  The right guy will come along and will love you for exactly who you are.  When I told my husband to be "I've got some loose skin because of WLS" it wasn't a big deal because I didn't make it into a big deal.  You are beautiful!!  Accentuate the positive.  Any guy would be proud to have you on his arm.
Hugs, Y

Thank u Yvonne for your insight.  I think the cancer has left me feeling more alone and body desorted than maybe i would have been normally. I'm not sure. I know everything everyone is saying is true but when u are alone and ashamed it is hard to deal with.
I look thin and great in clothes (size 6) and I know guys have this vision of me that isnt me at all.  I cant seem to get past a few dates without feeling unworthy and anxious.
It is hard to imagine a man wanting to be with me right now. I am happy for those of you that have found wonderful accepting men but in reality... they are few and far in between. At age 47 i think my best bet is..... just accept ing the fact I might always be alone.  Hey atleast I am alive!!!! Strange cir****tances saved my life from an aggressive cancer. Otherwise I wouldnt be whining about this topic... I would be preparing for my funeral. I guess I just need to count my many blessings!

I can promise you that your skin bothers you way more than it would bother someone else.  TRUST ME on this one.  I was 47 when I had surgery and was 48 when we got married.  If you believe you are unworthy, if you believe you will be alone, you will absolutely be those things.  My life started completely over at 48.  If you concentrate on what you don't want that's exactly what you'll get.  See what you want....know that you can have it.  Yes count your blessings but expect to have everything you want.  I was obese for 30 years and it all changed for me.  I'm 56 now and never would have believed I would be so fortunate.  You can do it too!
Hugs, Y

Hey Sharon, I just wanted to chime in on this one too.. Years ago I lost from 308 to 175-180 very quickly and had a lot of lose skin to deal with, and I was single- just out of a year long break after a long term relationship ended.. and really wanting to explore dating opportunities. Some that I dated had known me at my higher weight, some hadn't.. I did tell some that I had lost a lot of weight, so I wasn't going to be all firm in all places (big understatement!), but frankly by the time that talk was needed- no one cared! We both wanted to be with one another and not one person I was intimate with during that time commented on my lose skin, nor was it an issue in the slightest to them (and yes, we went on to other dates, so it wasn't ever a deal breaker!!) Yes, I would have loved to have had PS to correct the damage, but couldn't afford it.. 

I eventually met my husband to be during this wild & crazy time, and during the dating process I went on to lose more weight- getting down to 150's with weight lifting & such, which brought even more skin issues along with it- but he has consistently been the person to tell me that loose skin does not concern him in the slightest... it's not the looks that keep a person in the relationship, they do fade, get scarred, get cut-up over the years.. it's the heart. I regained almost all of it- and he's still here to watch round two of the "big loss" happen.. 

I wish you the best on your recovery and reconstruction! 

Just wanted to say that I SOOOOOOOOOOOO relate to this!  I am so thankful for my renewed health, and energy, and feel very confident IN my clothes ..... and haven't had to deal with the "intimacy" yet because I haven't found someone that was worthy of my intimacy (hahaha).  Just kidding .... however, I'm not the casual sex kind of gal, and therefore am looking for a "relationship" before the physical side kicks in.  I worry about it ALOT, but strongly concur with everyone else .... that we must find a man to fall in love with our heart first, then the body shouldn't matter!  Easier said than done ..... but I am hanging on to those thoughts and do hope that when the time comes that I will be able to have a better self-image of myself.  The trick is finding a man who makes you feel good about your body and who will love us unconditionally!  Good luck!