Off Topic:/ kinda

So I am divorced and am working on me and I know that I am not where I want to be to enter into any kind of relationship...but I need attention for the opposite sex to reenforice that I am still disierable. Does that make sense. I even like to hear it  from my exhusband actually especailly from him just to know that he still thinks I'm hot even though I am unbearable to manage a check book with. So what's the deal am I nuts to need the attention? Is it wrong to want to still get hit on even though I know that I am not ready. and even if I was ready with all this extra weight and skin I don't know if I'll ever be ready for a physical relationship again!

The need for love and companionship is absolutely imperative in humans.  You are not wrong
to need this re-enforcement.  Just be careful how you go about getting it.  You must remember
that you are a good person and worthy of love, but there are men who will abuse that need for
their own purposes. 

This is not to say that all men are this way, but far too many are.

My own dear departed mother gave me some very good advice when I was entering adolescence:

"A stiff ***** has no conscience"  Pretty blunt, but very true. 

Use some common sense, but learn to enjoy the flirting.  You don't have to give any more of
yourself than you are ready to give, and a good man (of whom there are many) won't want you
to do what isn't right for you because it is ultimately what would be good for both of you.
Just don't sell yourself short;  you deserve to be seen as more than a "2 AM date".

As for the discomfort about being seen by someone, I know what you mean, but at my age I'm
afraid I haven't even had the problem crop up!!  You might want to talk to a counselor about
how to manage these feelings.  From what I've read here, by the time you're at the point for
intimate relations, most guys don't much care about some extra skin!!!!

Best wishes,

Use some common sense, but learn to enjoy the flirting.  You don't have to give any more of
yourself than you are ready to give, and a good man (of whom there are many) won't want you
to do what isn't right for you because it is ultimately what would be good for both of you.
Just don't sell yourself short;  you deserve to be seen as more than a "2 AM date".


Great advice Lynne.  Even married, I can still enjoy the flirting. 

And it is totallly "normal" to enjoy being seen as desirable - women crave it, I'm pretty sure it's somewhere deep in our genetic code.   Just remember that your dignity is always worth more than some "booty call".

BTW, you look great!  Congrats on your progress and hard work=)

No, its very normal. I like to get hit on and I'm married and have no desire to look elsewhere. I'm very happy. Like previous poster said, just be careful of your actions to get that attention.

Great to see you are posting on the boards.  I keep hoping to see you at our group meetings.  Perhaps some day!

Having gone through separating from my husband whom I was married to for 36 years, I know the trials, struggle and emotional upset one experiences.

Keep a positive attitude and surround yourself with possitive friends and family. 

Best of luck,

Terri B.
Canton WLS Support Group

I took my son and his friend to a show the other night at a local casino and when I was walking alone to meet them texting frantically, this guy is walking next to me and says are you texting me, I laugh and smile and say no, he says do you want my number so you can, I laugh again and say no that I have a boyfriend.  He said well is he here, I said no, he said well then have a drink with me.  This guy was like 25 years old, he kept following me as I walked to meet my kids, telling me how beautiful I was.  It made me feel pretty good given the fact I am 46 years old and have a nearly 22 year old son.  Being attractive to the opposite sex makes you feel good, I remember when I got fat when I was young and became invisible, it was horrible.  I was used to getting loads of attention and then bam nothing, so I have to admit it is fun.  I don't flirt but I will smile at men who are hitting on me.  It happened one day when I was out taking pictures with a fishermen who thought I was just beautiful.  It does make you smile for sure.  So its completely natural to want it.  As for getting it, you have to rock and cute look with total confidence, looking uncomfortable or unwilling to look someone in the face is not sexy.  Never wear anything you can't completely own, you will just look silly, you have to wear it, own it and be proud of yourself.  Get some spanx if it will help, full body stockings in fishnet that are crotchless help the skin thing tremendously.  You look naked almost and can have sex because its crotchless but the fishnet is enough to hold back the pools of skin.  I know personally I find the skin more embarassing then the fat was, the fat people are used to see, the puddles of skin are a curiosity.  I had two rounds of plastics to deal with it, my legs are still gross though and I doubt they will ever be done.  So I wear stockings that make me feel sexy, its really all in your head how you feel about yourself, sexiness isn't a size its a self confidence and attitude.  Go enjoy yourself.

its great to get attention but make sure its the "right" kind of attention.  I think if I were to ever find myself back in the dating game my loose skin would make me self-conscious however if a guy wants me he wants me for myself not a trophy. I also  think you want reinforcement that your hard work has paid off so to speak. When we lose weight we want to be rewarded so to speak and become more confident and outgoing and friendly like others said here be careful as to how you go about it.  Be careful as to meeting new people and for safety purposes meet in public places always let someone know where you are and with whom.