Drive thru, carry out or dining in?
"Well, mostly the heavier folks are in their cars in the drive through because they can't fit in the seats if they come inside. Don'cha think?"
This response to a post that I started yesterday started me thinking about some things I'd put in the back of my mind for a long time.
The shame.
I was made to feel ashamed of eating when I was a kid. I would sneak food late at night because I didn't want to be criticized for eating.
As an adult I carried that with me. I was ashamed to eat in front of people because I was so big. I felt like everybody was looking at me and judging me for every bite of food I put in my mouth. I didn't like eating in restaurants, especially by myself. I'd almost always order carryout.
During the binge days I would drive from one place to another to get that taste of whatever it was I was jonesing for. There would be a collection of bags in the car by the time I got home - some already opened and half eaten.
I used to eat in my car a lot. Now it's very rare that I will do that. I feel better when I am in a nice relaxed setting for my meals.
It's funny how things change and you almost forget how it used to be. Some days I take not being morbidly obese for granted.
I'm grateful for my surgery. I'm grateful to all of you who have provided support over the years while I have gone through some profound changes in my life - both in the way I am perceived by others and in the way I see myself.
It was and is the same way for me. Feels good, doesn't it?
"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach
"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay
Amen. I can remember thinking if I drove Thur and pulled into a parking space and ate before I went home and threw the wrapper and bags out it "wouldn't count" or ordered take out and ate it when I knew no one was home I could dispose of that evidence and eating in I just ate enough that it satisfied my hunger took the rest home and re-heated it later no one would know. Gosh I was so mean to myself huh? But so glad that I did my surgery and have all of your support it means so much to me.
I am still hinky about eating in front of others. Not as much as before, but it still gets to me. I used to eat in the car all the time. I, like you want a relaxed setting when I eat. I pay more attention to how stuff actually tastes. And, I have to pay attention to be sure I don't eat that "one bite too much".
So Blessed, thanks for the good stuff you post. You help me more than you know... and sometimes your wicked sense of humor makes me laugh!
So Blessed, thanks for the good stuff you post. You help me more than you know... and sometimes your wicked sense of humor makes me laugh!
I got my sleeve on March 14, 2011. I love it so far!
Thank you.
and why not? lots of good people to talk to and learn from.
you know, assuming you don't let all your time be eaten up by interacting with the people you like least.
you know, assuming you don't let all your time be eaten up by interacting with the people you like least.
once upon a time I had a group to talk about Binge Eating Disorder, and later one about Clean Eating.
PM me if you are interested in either of these.
size 8, life is great
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