Telling Children About the Surgery

I am in the process of getting approved and ready for WLS.  I have 2 children (12 and 9).  I have not told them about the surgery yet.  They know I am trying to lose weight, but they have seen that before.  Their father had surgery, for another issue, 2 years ago so they are familiar with the process and it's the same hospital. He also needs to have another surgery sometime in the near future (his surgeon's office is next to mine...isn't that romantic?).  So my question is when and how much to tell our children about my surgery?  I'd love to hear from people who have done this already.

Well I did it about a month before surgery.  At the time mine were roughly 4, 6 & 8.  I explained to them that I wanted to be healthy so I could play with them, and chase them, etc.  I explained I wouldn't feel great after surgery and that I would get stronger and that I would be OK.  I even had them meet the surgeon beforehand. 

Best of luck!

Tell them only as much as you are happy with them sharing with other people.   It's not good to expect them to keep secrets or to lie and they do tend to blurt stuff at this age.    

They should be great helpers at this age - fetching and carrying, helping to prepare their own food, even running a vacuum cleaner over etc - I'd make the most of it if I were you - my 11 month old was useless in the helping department !!!   

You are the best judge of how much info your children can process/understand. I think CHRIS was spot on, with his advise. Let your kids know you may be "down and out" for a few weeks, but that you are not terminally ill, and that you WILL get better, so it is nothing to be afraid. You may want to tell them you will probably be moving slowly and being in some pain, but that those things will also be temporary.

I made the mistake of being over zealous and talking, talking, talking...my then 5th grader went to school..to the microphone, in a crowded assembly, and announced...

"Please pray for my mama today. She is having an operation on her stomach and her TESTICLES so she can get skinny"

Sometimes we say too much...

 OMG -- that is SO funny!!!

 My son was 11 and I didn't make a big deal about it at all.  I didn't want him to feel any angst about it.  My own was enough.  I just told him I was going in Monday and expected to be home sometime on Thursday.  I told him that I would be very sore and tired and that he would be expected to do some helping out with chores for me.  I occasionally would travel for work, and my schedule was similar, so he was fine with that arrangement.  

One thing that others may not agree with was that I did NOT want my son to come see me in the hospital.  You see, I was his rock, and I didn't want him to see me looking all helpless and listless.  It was important to me that he continue to see me as strong for him.  I have no regrets for this.

When I got home, I pulled out pictures and shared with him all that they did to me and showed him my scar, which he thought was really cool, of course.  He looks up at me and says "Wow, Mom, this was pretty serious, wasn't it?".  I answered Yes, but I knew I was going to be fine and didn't want to worry him needlessly.  He thanked me for that.  What really impressed me was how he stepped up to help.  I was very surprised at how self-sufficient he could be when given the opportunity.  It was a growth experience for both of us.

I have an 18 year old son & an 11 year old grandson @ home. I just told them I was having some surgery on my tummy & I was going to be in the hospital 1 or 2 nights & then I would be home. I told them not to worry I would be fine! They were like OK !
After I got home my son went with me to my doc appointment & then I told him more details about having had WLS surgery so I could be healthier & live longer. He was supportive & it was funny because he asked me if he would have to have WLS surgery some day!
I told him not as long as he eats healthy, exercises, &
takes care of himself!

I've always been beyond open with my son. I raised him to know that "what happens in this house, stays in this house." when it comes to money, health, and personal decisions. I did this because I had friends who had children that blabbed "mommy is broke this week and we're eating soup every night" or " daddy can't be good with money and mommy yells a lot". I don't include my son in conversations on money, I don't vent about financial strains, or issues with my in-laws in front of him. I just didn't want to have one of those or many embarassing moments when kids say the damnedest things.

BUT, with my surgery, I was open and started the conversation with "this is my body, and it's ONLY okay for me to talk about it" He understood completely and has never once blabbed my medical history to anyone.

I had a band placed October 2008 (he was 10 at the time). He is kind of a gross kid and wanted to know everything. So, off to Youtube we went, he watched videos, I showed him the standard pictures of the band/patients who had surgery etc. When it came time(8 months later) to revise, off to youtube we went again. He sat there watching revisions from band to VSG, he read information about cancer patients who had partial gastrectomies, educating him on the basics of surgery served us well. I had major complications with my revisions and nothing could have prepared him for that situation. BUT, once I was on the road to recovery, he was my biggest cheerleader, and he took great care to be sensitive about my surgery.

I really think it just boils down to how mature your children are, how much information they can handle, and what type of relationship you have with your children. We talk about everything and anything. Nothing is off-limits, and it's an open forum in our home. Always has been, always will be. It's just what works for us. Now, he's 13.5 yrs old, and he's still a little champ when it comes to surgery stuff. If we are out with friends, and the topic comes up, he'll chime in with appropriate little memories that he has from my recovery time. Like when I claimed an entire shelf in the fridge for "MY" foods, he admits he ate some of my stuff, but he didn't like it because it was boring foods and just a bunch of cheese and yogurt.