Grrrrrr my Mother...

My Mom, oh how I love her but, she is driving me crazy. She ask me earlier this week if I had a will. Well she just called me again wanting to know if I had a will in case my WLS killed me. I explained to her any surgery was dangerous not just WLS. She is one minute telling me how she wished she was young enough to do it and in the next breath telling me she is scared I will die. All I can do is reassure her that I  am confident in my surgeon and will die sooner if I don't have this surgery. Sorry for venting in both of my post today, but has anyone else went thru this?

I went through the same thing with my family. I was pressured to do a will immediately which in all fairness is the responsible thing to do regardless of whether or not you're having surgery.  I was also pressured to buy all kinds of additional life insurance in case I died. I even had a relative who began a sentence of "when you die from surgery..."

As you can see, I'm still alive, everything came our great, no complications and I feel so much better physically and mentally. I think the unknown scares many people. My family made me very angry and I also had to vent however I think their ignorance of what WLS acutally consisted of is what fueled their behavior. My Aunt told me that if I drank a soda, my stomach would explode lol...The more I shared and explained my journey with them, the more they began to understand. I still have some who disagree with my decision and have harsh words but at the end of the day I know I made the best decision for my life and my health! I stopped apologizing and reassuring everything that WLS was right for me. I'm sure your Mom will come around especially when she sees the results. Best of Luck!

Some things are definitely in your best interest to lay out ahead of time.  It's horrible to think of your own death, but lining a few things up is just good planning.   I would say at least to have a living will, giving someone power of atty over your medical decisions should something happen and you aren't able to speak for yourself.

As for a will, let them squabble over your crap.  You won't need it anyway if the end is near.

Actually since I had strong preferences about End of Life decisions and my husband is a little congnitively impaired since some neurological problems and would not be good at making decsions on his own, I fixed up an extensive Living Will (which I always file at the hospital when I have surgery), Durable Power of Atty and yes, a will. I do have a dad and a sister (both out of state) but everything goes to my hubby or to take care of him.

Now, I have a separate, non-legal, document about a few prefernces I have as to some of my jewelry and other personal belongings but mostly it is up to my husband. I just don't want him to have to make more decisions than he has to . . . He's not good at it and it is just really the two of us.


When I had my surgery, my dad was supposed to be here with him but had medical issues of his own that postponed his trip here. So when the doc was unable to do the full DS due to safety issues, he came out and gave my husband the option of closing me up with just the repair of adhesions and scar tissues and no WLS or giving me the sleeve alone, my husband really did not know what to do. So he chose the sleeve (good choice, overall - we'll see about insurance)

But I have seen the devastation in my own family over the years when family matters had to be settled without a will and things got dragged out in court.

But yes, when one person in my family asked if I was concerned about dying on the table, I just calmly responded that it was all taken care of and shut down the conversation.

   what a morbid  conversation !    WLS  isnt that big a deal( in my experience )  

Get your will done and your advance directive. You and your family will be screwed if you die without one. No one likes to think about it, but we all will die sometime, so get it done for the added peace of mind. Your mother obviously knows how important those documents are.

It sounds scary and sounds morbid, but Wills and advance directives are important to have even if never undergoing surgery.

When I was having abdominoplasty I wrote down all bank accounts, other account numbers and log ins, passwords, a health care proxy and a blank signed check in a locked cabinet for my Significant other bc I am the one that manages all of the money. If something unforeseen had happened he would be devastated enough without the stress of not being able to log into the bank, pay our bills, etc.

Ahhh..MOTHERS...gotta love 'em...as a DAUGHTER and a MOTHER, I have learned to see both sides of the coin..I still have my mother, and probably won't fully appreciate her until she is gone..yes, she DOES have the talent of knowing how to push EVERY button I have (how DOES she do that???)..

oops..wait this wasn't about ME....

SHASTA...as other wise peeps have said: You really SHOULD have "affairs in order" at some level...at all times..regardless of your age/health...but ESP before any surgery..you are going to be under anesthesia..knocked out..not able to make decisions for yourself..even though you sign pre-surgery "consents", unforeseen events CAN happen..not to scare you-just being honest...

I am a hospice nurse. It is 100% "easier" for the family if the patient has communicated her "wants/desires" herself--then the family is only the "messenger" and not feeling guilty and afraid they are making wrong "decisions"

My boys were 10 and 12 when I had my WLS. I wrote them "goodbye letters", that were sealed-only to be opened, if I didn't make it thru surgery. I tore them up when I got home, post op. Those letters gave me peace of mind, that I had let my sons know I would have died doing what I WANTED to do-and for them not to blame anyone..

Anywoo..she's your mom..gotta love her....hang in there!!

Seriously, it sounds to me like you've got a pretty good mother who actually seems to care about you. I don't know whether or not you have children, but once you do, those little people become the most important thing in your life, and it never stops no matter how old they become.

You love your children beyond all reason, which is what your mother is doing with you. I have no doubt she is scared silly for you and her emotions are vacillating all over the place. On the one hand she wants this for you, but on the other hand she is scared to death of the potential complications.

And, she is right, you do need to have a will in place. You also need to have a medical power of attorney. While it is always wise to focus on the best outcome, you should also put plans in place for the worst case scenario.

Wishing you a safe, and happy journey.

Now go hug your mom and count your blessings that you have someone in your life who loves you beyond all reason...

She is just scared for you.  She is your mother and that is natural. While it is not pleasant to think about your death, it is practical to have a will.