RNY 12/2009 need encouragement

Hi all,  I am 2 1/2 years post op. Day of surgery i was 310, today i am 185. My lowest was 168. for a year i maintained at 175. Just in the past 6 months i have gained 10 lbs, a lb creeps up one at a time and that scares me. I was up to 191 at the highest but recenty joined WW online and now at 185. I am determined to at least get back down to 175 but ultimately my goal right now is 160.

My issue is stress and comfort eating. I'm going through a nasty divorce. My ex has wanted to kill me (serioulsy). I got a restraining order in Feb when he attacked me at my son's school in front of my 3 and 11 year old boys. My ex is really causing a lot of stress. i have had to call 911 from panic attacks becasue he threatens to show up at the house and hurt me. I have called cops many times. I finally moved and did not tell him where to in January but he just recently found out where I live by following me. I have a million crazy stories but no time.

My fear is gaining my weight back. I exercise faithfully and i think that is why i have not gained more. I do zumba 4 times a week, kickboxing once and then if possible fit in weights or treadmill. I also run races. Just did a 4 mile race last week. Doing a 2 hour zumbathon tomorrow and a 3 mile race next week. so exercise is not a problem. Food is. I am finding i'm eating comfort food, carbs, sugar, etc when stressed which is often. I can eat more than a cup now and that scares me. I don't know how to get myself in control. Weigh****chers helped the first couple weeks but i'm struggling again.

Any suggestions or is anyone in my boat? Do you think my stomach is stretching or its just that I can eat more of the less dense foods? (carbs) I do notice if i eat all meat i get full fast.

I really do NOT want to gain weight. i'm depressed about it. which makes me want to binge eat. I manage to figure out a way to do it by eating througout the day. Like snacks in between meals. and snacks as in a candy bar, chips, cookie, etc. Bad stuff!

Help!

I have not experienced the difficulties that you have.  But I have experienced the occasional weight gain.  BUT, I am not worried about it, and here is why:

Before I would succumb to the comfort eating, and I would justify it for one reason or another.  The net result is that I would continue to comfort eat for a long period of time, which of course results in a gradual increase of weight over a long period of time.

While I do succumb to comfort eating, and the gain in weight, I know that it will not help if I allow it to continue.  So, my secret is, to not let it continue.

Today, I had a horrible day.  A hideous day in fact.  My instinct (which is forever infused with my thinking), is to compensate with food comfort. (alcohol too, but don't tell anyone).  There is a difference though.  I will not allow it to continue for any length of time.

It is too simple to "fail", then justify the failure and continue to fail over a long period of time, thus gaining substantial weight.  Instead, if I have a massive failure, and allow myself to be seduced to a variety of comfort items, instead of giving up and allowing a day to turn into weeks, that turn into months, at the first hint of strength I stop the cycle.

I think that makes all the difference in the world!  The OLD me would allow that behaviour to go on for weeks, months and even years.  The NEW me will stop it at the first sign of strength.  This is a POWERFUL tool!  And that is what defines the difference for us post-ops.  We can screwup, but then we can more quickly get back on track.

The *secret* is to get back on track immediately.  Don't say that you will get back on track tomorrow, say to yourself that you will get back on track now.  Pre-op that was virtually impossible, but post-op I believe it is much, much easier.  Take advantage of that.

We all succumb to needing comfort in one way or another (food for many of us).  The secret is that we now have a tool to assist us in rebounding from that moment of weakness much quicker.  That is the secret!  Well, at least for me.  But I could be full of idealistic and unrealistic nonsense.  This is something you need to explore and hopefully discover on your own.

Doh, why is life so hard  :(

With mega-affection, Peter.

Are you in therapy?  You say the issue is stress and comfort eating and therapy could help you find other ways to deal with stress and comfort yourself. 

I agree with Kelly that counseling helps with emotional eating. I struggle with this too. My rny was August 2009. My lowest weight was 125 and while I miss wearing those size 4's...I think my body is more comfortable and healthy looking where I am at now, 135-140.
A nutritionist would help greatly too. They help me stay on track.

The only thing that is gonna help is to purge all the junk food that you love out of your house, only leave what your kids enjoy that doesn't call to you.  Then eat your meals and find something else to do between them besides stuffing food in your mouth.  When you figure out what this is come back and report it to me, I will be eternally grateful.  I am on a diet until my 7 year wls anniversary next week and so far today I have had no meals but a bunch of unhealthy snacks.  Yes I am an ass.  I swear every time I test my blood sugar and it comes out perfect I feel I should get a reward.  Its hard, stress makes it harder, but you have come so far and once you lose the ******g asshole out of your life you want to be a good shape to be able to go out and have some fun again, not sit around feeling like **** because your fat.  Good Luck with all of it.

thanks all. I'm in tears right now as my ex is texting me nasty things about my weight. I had to come on here before i want to eat something bad.

Yes i'm in therapy and i'm taking Welbuitron and Ativan when needed.

My ex is telling me now that when i gain my weight back my bf is going to dump me and don't coming crying to him. I said i will NOT gain it back and WILL NOT cry to you. He said you already have gained some back. I'm up 15 from my lowest right now so he must be talking about that.

I ate bad today. egg mcfuffin with only 1 muffin and few bites of hashrown. subway sandwhich and chips ate half at noon and half at 3. And then a twix. I can't get control over it.

good idea to get rid of junk. i will do that.

If anyone has time to talk to me by email, please email be at [email protected]. i could really use the support.

thank you all for your messages.

Peter. I have been doing what you said, getting back in control after a few bad days. but with all the stress of my divorce....I find they are turning into longer spells. I have mediation for custody at court Wed and my ex is fighting me saying he got attorney and will not allow boys around my live in boyfriend. He is trying to hurt me with my kids. We go to court on 18th also for the restraining order.

I feel so lost right now.

OK, your meds will cause weight gain.  But, you need to take care of yourself.  All things in time...  Now, go to Over-eater's Anonymous or some other 12 step group.  Were you raised in an alcohol/drug addicted family, then go to Al-anon or n-anon.  Any 12 step group will be really helpful in giving you the tools necessary to deal with your stress eating.

I wish you all the best!!!

:)

I forgot that meds can cause weight gain.

My ex of 18 years is drug/alcoholic.

I'm going to start a Domestic violence group next wednesday

I'll look into Alanon.

thanks =)