10 Days of Clarity

Ten?

Ten days until I undergo one of the most drastic changes in my life.

Am I ready for this?

Ten more days.

 

Nine?

Nine days. It seems like just yesterday it was ten days.

It's going by so fast, but in slow motion so I can absorb all of the emotions involved.

Does that make sense?

 

Eight?

Eight days of hell left. Hell you say? Yes, it's hell knowing that I have made this decision and there's a small chance it's the worst mistake of my life.

Eight more days.

 

Seven?

Lucky number 7! Luck has nothing to do with this.

It's not getting better. It's building and building and building!!

Am I REALLY going to do this? Seriously? Why couldn't I do it by myself?

Six and a wake-up, that's pretty damn close.

 

Six?

Six, really, six?

I've got to keep it together folks!

I keep reading about the out-years of RNY vs. VSG vs. DS. Who's right?

You read about success with all of them. 

Each person thinks their own surgery is the best.

Each person thinks their own surgeon is the best.

Each person is a salesman trying to tear you down until you give in to their surgery and surgeon.

Sometimes I hate this site (OH) for that. Can a moderator warn you not to sell vitamins but not warn you when you try to sell your surgery or surgeon? Pushy people!!

 

Five?

Five days and last chance opt-out at the surgeon's office.

Any last questions?

We have everything we need: 

blood work, check

pulmonary clearance, check

EKG, check

upper endoscopy, check

medical clearance, check

abdominal u/s, check

psych evaluation, check

NUT visits, check

Looks good Mr. Hood, see you on Tuesday

 

Four?

Four more days of waiting…waiting…tapping my feet…waiting!!

Last Goodbyes At Work!

This will mark the very first time that I will look forward to being able to go back to work.

Why?

What are the alternatives to not going back to work after surgery? DUH!

Yes I think about that stuff, don't you?

There's a bazillion things that could go wrong.

My stomach is in knots with everything I eat.

I thought not having to do a two-week liquid diet was cool, but trying to hold down food in the face of this surgery is getting tough.

Seriously, I have 4 (four, for, fore) more days left!!!!????

 

Three?

Oh man, did you just say three?

Knots continue in the stomach,

I'm up at 4am,

My body is like that Alanis Morrissette Song "Hand in My Pocket", I'm hungry but I can't eat

Ready to throw up at any instant!

I wish I had a time travel machine. 

I would do my time in the surgery but i just want to speed it up hot the point where they put me under.

Three days…..

 

Two?

I cannot believe two more days left. Where did it go?

Not really hungry

Not in the mood for food funerals or last suppers

My pastor and his wife are praying for me and supportive

That means a lot

Almost there

 

One?

Okay, less than one really!!!!

The hours go by now like days

The fear and anxiety is building even more

The excitement is building too, by the way

I'm ready, but I'm not (Again with the Alanis Morrissette type reference!)

I'm packing my bag with essentially nothing

What could I need really?

I do have a list, but it got chopped up by you guys thankfully

In less than 24 hours I will be off to the hospital

Tetelestai

I'm right behind you at the 7 day mark  ... good luck!  It'll all be over and you'll be looking back on it soon. It has to be the right thing .... and the plus part has to be better than what we have ... right????  I'm sending out good thoughts for you.

 

U're a pretty cool guy  I think 

 

Seriously ..  best of luck... I LIKED Ur  poem... please keep in touch ...

I hav reason to suspect more than a few of us phat folkz are hiding a BUNCH of untapped major talent  AND major emotional suffering ( which is what the AUDIENCE  taps into ) under our skinfolds lol ....

 

Great writing!! thanks for posting...and best wishes for a fast healing!!  congrats!