"coming out" about your surgery.

Hi all, I was wondering how, or if any of you came out publicly about your surgery.  I for one kept it to a very few close friends and family members leading up to surgery.  This was not out of shame or embarrassment, but simply so I wouldn't have to explain myself over and over again.  Once I came through safely, I made a public announcement via Facebook.  I am really glad I did.  The response I got was overwhelming.  I learned that several people I knew had had surgery themselves.  I for one wish they had been more public about it, as it might have led me to choose this course of action sooner.  I also heard from several people who were either considering it, and hadn't considered it, but having read my story were now very interested. 

I know it is a bit long-winded, but I am including what I posted to explain to the all who know me what I did and why....

 

 

My dear friends and family members,

Avot 1:14
אִם אֵין אֲנִי לִי, מִי לִי. וּכְשֶׁאֲנִי לְעַצְמִי, מָה אֲנִי. וְאִם לֹא עַכְשָׁיו, אֵימָתַי
If I am not for myself who is for me? And being for my own self, what am I? And if not now, when?

Those who know me are aware that I have struggled with my weight most of my life. As an adult, I have fluctuated by as much as 100 pounds. While I have been successful at reducing my weight, like so many others, I have been far less successful in keeping it off. In addition to my diabetes, as a result of my weight, I also have various co-morbidities including hypertension and high cholesterol; all of which threaten my long term health and longevity.

As I approach the end of my 40’s and the end of my rabbinic school journey, and as I look forward to my new future as a rabbi and servant to the Jewish people, I realize that I have so much more to do and so much more to live. After extensive research and consultation with people who I respect and trust, I have made the decision to find a permanent and significant solution to this problem. This last summer before ordination presented the best and perhaps last opportunity for a block of time that can be dedicated solely to my future health. Marie, my wife, best friend and most trusted person in this world, has been and continues to be my support through it all.

On Friday, June 19th, I checked in to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles to undergo bariatric surgery in the form of a “virtual sleeve gastrectomy.” This is performed by actually removing approximately 75 percent of the stomach itself, leaving just a tubular pouch about the shape and size of a banana. Unlike some other bariatric procedures, the VSG does not alter the path or function of the digestive system apart from physically limiting the space in the stomach. This is not a magic bullet and must be followed up with significant lifestyle changes, but in general, because people who undergo this procedure are simply unable to eat more than small amounts of food at one time, they have an extremely high rate of success taking the weight off and keeping it off.

In the months leading up to my surgery, I began acquiring the new habits that I will need to be successful. In order to even undergo the surgery, patients are required to lose a significant amount of weight to make room for the surgeon to work, and to shrink the liver which must be retracted to gain access to the stomach. In addition to a preoperative weight loss of over 20 pounds, I attended numerous classes and support groups aimed at teaching the skills needed to carry on post-surgery with the greatest chance of success.

Psalm 24 teaches: לה' הָאָרֶץ וּמְלוֹאָהּ תֵּבֵל וְישְׁבֵי בָהּ “The earth is the Lord’s and all that it holds, the world and all who dwell within.” It is a general principle in Jewish ethical and philosophical thought that everything, including the very bodies we inhabit, belongs to God. Therefore it is not optional to take at the very least, reasonable care of one’s body. My teacher Rabbi Elliot Dorff writes, “Just as we would be obliged to take reasonable care of an apartment on loan to us, so too we have the duty to take care of our own bodies. Rules of good hygiene, sleep, exercise, and diet are not just words to the wise designed for our comfort and longevity but rather commanded acts that we owe God.” Over the years I have learned that, similar to those with alcoholism, or people who suffer from drug or gambling addictions, to a certain degree, I am powerless over food. I have honesty tried and failed enough times to know that I need help. The science is available, and while there are risks associated with any surgery, carefully weighing all of my options led me to conclude that the risks of remaining obese far outweigh the risks of the procedure. This is not about vanity, and while looking better will certainly be a welcome side-effect, my decision is predominantly based upon improving my health and a desire to live longer and feel better.

At 7:30 in the morning last Friday I found myself in the operating room overwhelmed with a range of emotions and surrounded by a virtual army of medical professionals. I offered a prayer to the Merciful One, thanking God for leading me to such a fine facility, and such an excellent medical team including my surgeon, Dr. Scott Cunneen. I asked the Holy One to help guide their hands and their hearts to perform their art with skill and compassion, and pledged to do everything in my power to honor the gift of this second chance at health and life.

The surgery was performed laparoscopically, went flawlessly, and I was up and on my feet within just a few short hours. Marie has been by my side every step of the way. Over the next couple of days, I continued to regain my strength, was able to take long walks in the form of laps around the hospital floor, and began my liquid diet. It started with small sips of water, and has now progressed to liquids and protein shakes. Over the next several weeks I will gradually be adding foods back into my diet, beginning with the softest foods, and finally building up to more solid food choices. Eventually I will be able to eat pretty much like any normal healthy adult, though in much smaller portions.

I was released on Sunday and returned home feeling relief and excitement as I look towards the future. I will continue to work with the Cedars-Sinai Center for Weight Loss and Bariatric Surgery for medical follow-ups, and take advantage of their programs for continuing education, and nutritional and emotional support groups.

Up until this point, I have told very few people about my decision. This was not out of any sort of shame or embarrassment, but rather to help me stay focused on what I needed to do to be successful and not wanting to have to explain or justify myself to everyone individually. Now that these first steps are behind me, I want everyone to know because in fact, I am proud of the choice that I have made and will rely on the support of those who love and respect me as I move forward on this journey. Obesity is often viewed with prejudice in our society, when for the most part it is a disease. No one wants to be fat, and no one wants the health risks that come with being overweight. If we can look at it, not as a sign of weakness or gluttony in those who suffer from it, but as a medical condition, we can begin to destigmatize it and treat it openly and frankly as a disease, and with all means available.

I thank you all for your continued support, I thank my wife for always standing by my side, and I thank the Holy One for my life and everything in it.

It is a little odd that you waited to speak out about your surgery (which is certainly your right and a very personal decision) but you wish that people you know had spoken about theirs.  We all have our own level of comfort about divulging personal, medical information to the public.

You had a "VERTICAL sleeve gastrectomy" -- not a VIRTUAL one.

Best of luck on your weight loss journey. 

I did speak out about it.  3 days after my surgery, as soon as I got home from the hospital, I literally announced it to the world.  I think you misunderstood me Kath.

Yeah -- you waited until YOU were comfortable to speak out about it ---- but you seem to judge the people you know (when you found out through your post that they had had surgery) --- you said that you wished that they had been more public --

Surgery can be a very private, personal medical decision that people don't want to speak about (especially on social media forums).

Congratulations on your surgery and your decision to speak publicly about it --- but don't judge those who keep their privacy.

Kath, again, you misunderstand me.  When I say that I wished that people were more forthcoming it was with absolutely no judgement.  It was only that I wished I HAD BEEN AWARE of it sooner.  My choice to come out to the world was just that...my own choice.  I did it in no small part to help educate others that this is a real option.

 

I sense some animosity on your part.  There is no need for it.  Your choices are your choices...come out or not...but the tobe of your responses suggest that you still have some issues with yourself or your choice to have the surgery.  I am not judging you, but it seems you might still be judging yourself.

I was open about mine from the beginning.  Glad I was.  I had so much support from everyone.  So many cheerleaders.  Yes people asked questions but I did too in the before surgery.  I'm happy with my decision to tell people and be open.  There was a woman at my old job that was gone to get an unknown surgery and when she came back she started to lose weight at an accelerated pace.  Everyone was whispering that she got WLS.  I had my suspicions too.  My point is even if you don't tell...people know.

Yes it's definitely an individual decision about when/if to share the news.  Because it's so personal, I shared it with my family and friends but didnt post it on FB.  I really do love the support of those close to me.  I have a few that keep asking me how much weight I've lost and I don't always want to talk about that part of the journey.  Glad to hear you are doing great and have so much support.  God will keep blessing you on both or your new journeys! 

Congratulations for coming out about your surgery.  I did not tell too many people about my surgery before it happened, mostly because I was afraid that I wouldn't get insurance approval and this would be yet another weight loss option that I tried and did not work.  I have tried many different things to lose weight and I usually am very vocal about it, but they never panned out, so this time I held my cards closer to my vest.  

After I had the surgery (which was six days ago!!) I am feeling very comfortable telling people what I did and I have received only positive comments.  I am a teacher, so I know my shrinking will come up, so I will have to address this at a later date.  I find that my sleeve surgery has made me so happy that I want to share my decision with many!!!  

Good luck in your weight loss and congratulations to you!  Dee

I never had a coming out, because I never hid it. It never even occurred to me not to tell people.