Sad, scared.

I have recently accepted that I need support.  I am a 52 year old woman and I am, as my subject line states, sad and scared.  I am 256 lbs.  Had my first meeting with my doctor to discuss WLS, went to my first support group...didn't speak at all because there were so many people there...and am already modifying what I eat, again, to start this journey, this time, again, with a mind set to succeed.  The difference is that this time I am going to follow the WLS plan.  I will pursue surgery but I want to be as healthy as possible when I get it.  Anyway, I don't talk to any one about my feelings anymore...so I am hoping that, on here, I can find the support I need.  I work full time at a great job, have great "acquaintances", have a great husband...but my strongest support is my faith in Jesus.  I need people, but I am just too tired of failure to work on friendships.  Maybe this group can help...so...thanks for reading...hope to hear from someone.

Wow. That's a powerful message. I'm sorry that you're sad and scared. I have been there (actually, I am there). Personally, I go through cycles of feeling on top of things, like I've got everything under control and then the opposite, where I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing or how I got myself into "this".

I also attend a support group from my hospital. I have barely spoken up... I am the only new person so I feel like an outsider. No one makes me feel that way, it's just how I myself perceive the situation. I figure if I keep going, learn personalities, I will eventually feel comfortable enough to chime in. So, maybe the first couple of meetings weren't really what I needed to hear. Just like when you go to church... some days you feel like the pastor is speaking directly to you and other days he just has "a nice message". 

Finding support is crucial. I really don't think you can do this alone. I've gone through all of the evaluation stages, made healthy lifestyle changes, had myself tested by family emergencies, etc. If I couldn't lean on my husband and my friends I've met through OH, I'd probably have my face buried in a cherry cheesecake right about now.

I hope someday soon you will make it out to one of my coffee nights. You would fit in beautifully there and I think you might even feel comfortable speaking. No pressure, just laughs and friendship and true support. We'd love to have you join us. :)

Thanks Karen, coffee sounds wonderful! It's a little far for me as I'm in the Eastern time zone, but it really does sound nice to just have a small group of people to talk to.

Sorry, my response was directed to tatirod who is in my area. But you are welcome to attend too if you're ever in Toronto. lol

I didn't realize how anxious I was to hear from someone until I actually did. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and for sharing your struggle also. I find myself typing, deleting, typing, deleting,. This is really hard for me. It's also very late where I am so I'm going to go to sleep now. I am looking forward to tomorrow and making some connections through the site. Have a blessed night.

I highly recommend this book. It was recommended to me when I began this journey and it's been an invaluable reference. I listened and understood during each evaluation/assessment that I had. But this book packages everything you will learn into one nice bundle. It's easy to understand and has recipes. The very first thing that popped into my head is, "what would I eat if I did this?" Luckily, by seeing examples of recipes in this book for each stage after surgery (from liquid, puree, soft, and solid) I realized that it is possible and darn it, it looks pretty tasty. 

After getting past that hurdle, it was just getting myself ready mentally. A friend recommended a therapist who has helped her. I'm going to see if we click, if not, my search will continue. But something made me this size. I didn't get to 300 pounds by exercising and eating well-balanced, normal-sized, meals. 

Everyone is different. But I personally waited until I finished my assessments and knew I was having the surgery before telling my family (my husband knew throughout the process). But, I couldn't stand the thought of telling the world I was having weight loss surgery only to turn around and tell them I'm so broken that they [the medical community] can't put me back together again. Needless to say there was some shock and even some protest initially. With a little education (Q&A session), I was able to put everyone at ease. The biggest misconceptions were: "you'll never be able to eat more than a tablespoon of food", "you'll be malnourished and die", "you'll never be able to eat another Christmas cookie". I just went in with the attitude that this is my body, and this is what I need to do to fix it. Statistics aren't on my side if I decide to lose weight the "natural" way. 

Weight loss surgery is no easy way out. It requires diet, exercise, and discipline. I honestly don't know if I will be able to do it for this next 30 years. All I can do is focus on one day at a time. Every day I'll have to ask myself if that cookie, piece of cake, or ice cream is worth it. 

Sorry for rambling, apparently I needed to get some stuff off my chest. :) I will send you a friend request. We can keep in touch and chat through IM if you like. There is no need to go this alone.

Thanks for the recommendation!  I will def check it out.  I know that if I don't get a handle on this...300 lbs is a reality in my future.  I have put on 120 lbs in the past 15 years.  I didn't grow up with a weight problem, in fact, I was quite skinny.  I never really struggled until college, and even then it was 20 lbs or so.  I actually needed the weight, so it wasn't that big of a deal.  15 years ago...everything changed and I started to put weight on.  And somewhere along the way I stopped caring.  My life was full, working full time, raising 4 children.  I became a master of putting the smile on my face and the food in my hand!  I became good at surrounding myself with people that needed me, people that could care less about me, but liked how I was available for them.  I didn't have to share my life, just walk with them through theirs.  And I ate some more.  I am even scared to hit send, even though i have typed and retyped this because I don't like how uncomfortable this is to put my thoughts out there.  But here goes...everything needs to change, and this is part of it.  I need support.  And that really, at this point in the journey, still makes me mad at myself for not being strong enough.  

Having this surgery requires a new mental approach to your life.  I had a false start 3-4 years ago and finally bottomed out and went to the dr in February of 2014.  Surgery in September of 2014 and hit my goal last month.  I get most of my support and encouragement from this site.  If you are ready to make a change, everything you need you can find here.  Learn why you overeat and be aware of it, thats 75% of the battle.  Good Luck!

Dan, thank you for sharing. I really have no where else that I want to turn. I'm very ready to get my life back. . Thanks for responding. For the first time in a while I feel like I may be at the right place at the right time :-)