My Secret Identity Was Almost Exposed At Wal-Mart Last Night

 ... as Methane Man, of course ..

 I was standing in the checkout line when that packet of Famous Anus Chocolate Chip Cookies I ate out of the vending machine earlier in the day, right after my protein bar, (yes, I admit I sinned for the Holiday weekend) began to make tiself urgently felt.  I tried as best I could to squelch the uprising, but it eventually escaped.  I don't think anybody heard it (including the gal behind me in line), but at 10 ft. per second it made its presence rapidly known to everyone in the line behind me, in front of me, and next to me ....  (ut oh - Code "Green"!)  &:-x)

  I first learned my "passage" was having a deleterious effect on innocent bystanders when the cashier from the register in the line next to mine came over to our cashier to get some change.   I heard her remark to her co-worker in a low voice, "wow ..  I think someone made some gas" ..   Her co-worker responded, "yeah ..  there's some gas alright", or some words to that effect   ... They both then chuckled ..   I ignored them and began fumbling with my cellphone  and pretended to be making a call on it, to avoid suspicion ..  Glancing around the two lines surreptitiously though I could see some gals were sniffing and looking about with a disgusted look on their faces, while some of the ladies had more of a painful expression on theirs, as though they had unexpectedly ran face-first into a glass wall or something.  A few of the scant guys in the lines were looking daggers at everyone around them, as though trying to figure out who that SOB was that was responsible for the odious assault on their senses .. 

    Perhaps to defuse the situation I should have yelled my trademark slogan out to the crowd: "Free gas for everyone!" ...  But then, they would have known that, alas, I was none other than Methane Man ..   

    I opted to pay for my purchases in silence instead and quickly left the scene ..  My job there was done ..

Ah, poor slobs.

you seem to be a very gassy man... have you ever heard of probiotics or perhaps a round of flagyl, maybe even a maintenance dose would be appropriate.  Not trying to give you medical advice, I just hate to see you and everyone around you suffer needlessly.

Bingo Vicki... He continually whines, moans and complains about his putrid smells, yet REFUSES to either adjust his carb intake or use any type of supplement/medicine that would SOLVE his nasty issues.  Sad indeed.

well...I guess being stinky has its advantages, funny stories and uh......alone time?

ROFLMAO!!!! I think the only thing I would have done differently is to put the disgusted look on my face as well -- Don't cha wish you could sometimes AIM the stuff?  Like from your CAR, when the car behind you is flashing their lights and you are already going over the speed limit?  Or, well, you get the picture.

Paul, have you met Ample Beauty?  Ample Beauty, Paul.....

:::: bowing and genuflecting :::

 Oh boy .. do I .. There are times I wish I had a floor fan going between me and the person that pizzed me off .. to turbocharge it!    &:-D)   I once told someone who was standing next to me, back in my pre-op days, when they cheezed me off big time, "you actually make me GLAD I forgot to bathe this a.m.!"    &:-D)

ROFLMAO.... OMG. thank you for that laugh.  I so needed that.