Aug.17,/12 One YEAR Anniversary- Long sorry

I started my journey over two and half years ago. Saw where my life was headed health wise and was not too impressed. I was tired of being tired. I was tired of my life sucking me out every night. I was tired of coming home from a long day of work and just crashing on the couch and not doing anything. Then feeling depressed because I just ate a whole bag of chips or some kind of junk food. I was tired of looking at these skinny women and wishing that was me. I did not have high blood pressure, but suffer from low blood pressure. I did not have diabetes, but was on the verge of having it. I was also on the verge of having sleep apnea. I was diagnosed with the early stages of COPD, by the way, I never smoked a day in my life, and was told that if I did not change my life style and lose weight I was headed for a double lung transplant by the time I would be 50.   My family history of health issues is longer than my arm. My dad passed away at a young 60 years of age from a heart attach. He had chronic asthma, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and diabetes. My mother has high blood pressure, diabetes, asthma due to her heavy smoking. A lot of other health issues that make her look like she is 95 years old when she is only 66 years old. My mother should be enjoying life, enjoying her grand kids, traveling, but instead she is house bound because she cannot walk due to severe osteoporosis. I do not want to have this happen to me.   My best friend was going through a journey herself. She decided to have the RNY which is Weight loss surgery. In the process she suffered a minor heart attack. Not because of the RNY, she was in the process of waiting for the surgery. When she finally had the surgery, a whole new confident person emerged. My mentor.   I knew getting the surgery done was not the answer or the quick fix everybody thinks it is. I had already made the decision about five years ago to have the surgery, I even had my date. Then I got scared. I was not ready at that time. But this time, I was. I started investigated all the different kinds of surgery there is. I also came to the conclusion that one of the many criteria’s for having the surgery was NOT therapy. Sure you meet a shrink, but it is just to see if you are able to have the surgery. I decided to have therapy as an on going thing. Because putting food to mouth was not the only reason why I put the weight on. I did not want to have this surgery and then fail at it. Oh boy no way.   In the year and half that it took me from referral to the actual surgery, I was in intense therapy. No sugar coating my feelings, no coning the therapist. Open wound lets go. And after almost a year after the surgery I am still in therapy. Because being obese is not a lazy disease it’s a food addiction to hide what is hurting us the most. And because what made you obese does not go away once you become thin. All those demons have to be dealt with. Your “fat" friend won’t be there to protect you anymore. So you need to deal with all the demons that caused you to “food protect" yourself.   I have become an inspiration to others. This is most exciting thing that can happen to you once you have had the surgery. Scary but inspirational.    Don’t get me wrong, it has not been all bells and whistles. I struggle with food everyday. When you have the surgery, you HAVE TO change your life style. I had started doing that before the surgery. I started working out, started changing my eating habits. But after surgery, you really have too, or the new tool won’t work. You cannot, cannot eat KFC seven weeks after surgery. You will GAIN WEIGHT BACK. You must change your life style. And you must go to therapy for as long as you have a food addiction. Like AA, it’s for life. I also became lactose intolerant since the surgery.  I also have the blessing of my daughters and my new husband. Yes we got married.  My husband was with me during this whole ordeal. So were my daughters. It does change your life. My life as a wife became better. I am more confident in myself, so I am not hiding from him when he wants to touch me. My daughters have their own struggles. They have always known me as the “Puffy" mommy, now I’m the “skinny" mommy. It got to the point I could not tell my youngest daughter how much I weighed, for she was very envious of my weight loss. My oldest daughter was getting to the point she was afraid of hugging me, because she thought I would break. We are working through those things. Also, if there was something wrong with your relationship with your spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, before the surgery. Being thin won’t change that. You might need marriage counseling.    But the wonderful and amazing part of this surgery is I have my life back! I don’t shop in the plus sizes anymore. I can cross my legs. I have gone zip lining, gone to some amusement parks, gone to some water parks, worn short skirts; high heels are my daily foot wear. I could go on, but it would sound like I’m bragging. LOL. Health wise, I have normal blood pressure, I don’t have any closeness to being diabetic, no cholesterol, no sleep apnea, and as for my breathing, I will always have asthma, and my COPD is as good as it will get. I exercise at least four times a week, I will be running a 5km in August, I still watch what I eat but not as anal as I was in the first six months. No I do not eat junk food. I cannot stomach it or even high sugar foods. But I do make all my own meals, bake my own desserts. I love sea food again, not battered not fried and not soaking in butter. I am learning everyday about my new pouch. Some days I can eat certain foods and other days I cannot even put it in my mouth. And taking all those vitamins, calcium, b12, etc...Has become a daily thing now, that it does not even bother me.   I eat now to live, not live to eat. In the past when I would get upset about something I would eat whatever I could get my hands on. Now I go for a walk, exercise or do something to change my mind. But mostly I talk about what is frustrating me at the time, and you know what it works.   I’m trying to make it mandatory to have therapy for those who want the weight loss surgery. During the referral to surgery time and afterwards. I am also trying to make my own weight loss friendly recipe book. That might take awhile.   I read about patients who’ve had the surgery three, four, five, six years ago and are gaining some or most of the weight they loss. And it scares the snot out of me!! That is why I believe in therapy. I am pretty sure these patients did not go into this surgery thinking “I’m going to gain all my weight back". Because like alcohol, food is an addiction. But not like alcohol, we need food to survive. And finding the balance is very hard.   I love my RNY. I love the confidence I have in myself. I love my body, saggy skin and all. I refuse to replace my hatred for my obese body for my saggy skin. I work out everyday with weights, so that I can have toning in my body and also to prevent osteoporosis. One of my things that I choose to do, because of therapy, is look in the mirror, naked, and find one or several things about myself that I love. I have had to do that since before the surgery. It started with my eyes, my mouth now it’s my body. I love my new found body. Okay so this is not for everybody. But it works for me.  And that is the key. Find what works for you!   I can still see the old me in there. But that does come with time for your mind to catch up with your body.  Find people who have had the surgery, they can be angels when your struggling. I have. She is my best friend. If it wasn’t for her straight forward advise, I probably would not have had this surgery and be very miserable. So I am very grateful for her.     I am so very grateful for my RNY. I love my new second chance. There is nothing that makes me regret it. I love life!!!   Linda

I loved this post.. awesome

I myself, have told the therapist that I know I will want and need therapy post surgery as I shed my comfort zone (fat) and I would be stupid not to think that I wouldnt. She liked that about me. She approved me and told me she didnt need to see me again pre surery. I know that learning to become comfortable in my new skin will take time. I have been single for 21 years. I know that I will need therpay if I ever meet someone. I have never been NOT over weight (other than pre grade 6) and at that time you dont think about weight. Until you get called names in school.

Thanks for the post. I enjoyed reading about your journey. I wish you continued success.

Congrats, and thank you for sharing. My nine year old is envious of my weight loss. I'm worried about her. She's 100 pounds, and loves food. We're working on it.

You are my inspiration, thanks to you and your advice regarding this website and the surgery... you have helped me start a journey that will save my life.. so I thank you Linda :)

Great post Linda!!!
I have you to credit for me seeking therapy...It is truly helping!!!

Thank you, thank you thank you!!!!!

Missed you Monday night.

Take care and see you soon!!
Tam

Beautiful post Linda.  Congrats on your continuing success. 

I like your attitude!  I'm trying to catch it . . .

Linda!!    congrats to you....  great post!!  Patti K.

Beautiful!