I did not go to food after my mom told me i was going to ruin my life
yes tonight i spent 3 hours crying and my mom telling me i am going to ruin my life if i have a ryn done she has no clue what is really is i have tried to give her info and asked her to come to things and that was a no go and now she is like ohip would never pay for you to have this done why would you make your husband work so hard to pay for this oh and yes she said so my more things most are so not true about the surgery man in 6 days i am to have it done i know i want this and hubby is 100% with me just so hard to deal with this has anyone had family tell you they were never going to talk to you again if you do it oh man what do i do 
JJ_
on 10/8/12 12:41 pm
on 10/8/12 12:41 pm
Sorry to hear that your Mom is not being supportive.
I guess the big question is....do you feel like an adult, making adult decisions? You have support from hubby, you have made your mind up.
Are you crying because your Mom hurt your feelings, or that your relationship may be over because she said she wasn`t going to talk to you anymore if you went ahead or maybe both? Please remember that your Mom is trying to control you. She is using emotional blackmail.
Do you have children? Does she realize that if she no longer talks to you, that means no longer seeing anyone in your immediate family too?
Are you ready to put your big girl panties on and move forward?
Good luck in your decision.
Judy
I agree follow your heart. They will come around if not its their lost . You are an amazing person you need to take care of yourself and health. No one really understand unless they have had it find and had similar experiences . Your family in time will come around . Stop crying because you know why you are doing this and temmber this is your journey . Not anyone else's
Orientation: July 23 2012 Dr Sullivan : August 16, 2012 Dietician, SW, RN, Sept 26, 2012 Dr Sullivan Oct 17, 2012 and pick up Optifast PATTS: October 24, 2012 Surgery: November 6, 2012. Starting weight 277 surgery weight 268
(deactivated member)
on 10/8/12 12:46 pm - barrie, Canada
on 10/8/12 12:46 pm - barrie, Canada
I am so sorry you had to hear such things most of all from your mom, someone who you think will always be your biggest cheerleader in life and though I have been very supported from friends and family throughout my journey, I do know how heart broken I would be if I were in your shoes but you have to do what is best for you and your health and hope your mom comes around once she see's the amazing changes that happen and how much better you feel and how much healthier you will be. I wish you the best
Niki...
You are strong.
- You've chosen this path to have better health, and a better way of living... So you can REALLY LIVE.
You are supported.
- Your husband supports your decision for what it is... Yours. He is 100% with you. He lives by your side and I am sure wants to do so in the best way the two of you can for as long as possible. There is a reason he is supporting you in this.
- You've taken the time to be a part of a support sytem which is so very important when it comes to sucess.
You are educated.
- You read, you post, you experience things and you learn. You are not making this decision blindly... You have your eyes wide open. This is something you educated yourself on and know is what you feel is best for you.
People will say anything at times to attempt to blackmail or coerce the intended response from another. I have read of many others going through this very thing... I've cut family off for doing similar things TO ME in the past as I feel that "it is my choice to make, and their decision to support".
I am not going to tell you what to do about having surgery... I know you want to have your surgery.
I am going to tell you that you need to think about all the positive things that will come of this and maybe for your own mental health you need to set some contact boundaries. Either there is no discusion about the surgery, or there is no contact. As an example.
Please... Tell me this:
Would you have gone through the process of getting to this point if it was not a crucial part of making your life better? How can something that enhances your life ruin it? It is not a possiblity.
*big hugs*
Shell
You are strong.
- You've chosen this path to have better health, and a better way of living... So you can REALLY LIVE.
You are supported.
- Your husband supports your decision for what it is... Yours. He is 100% with you. He lives by your side and I am sure wants to do so in the best way the two of you can for as long as possible. There is a reason he is supporting you in this.
- You've taken the time to be a part of a support sytem which is so very important when it comes to sucess.
You are educated.
- You read, you post, you experience things and you learn. You are not making this decision blindly... You have your eyes wide open. This is something you educated yourself on and know is what you feel is best for you.
People will say anything at times to attempt to blackmail or coerce the intended response from another. I have read of many others going through this very thing... I've cut family off for doing similar things TO ME in the past as I feel that "it is my choice to make, and their decision to support".
I am not going to tell you what to do about having surgery... I know you want to have your surgery.
I am going to tell you that you need to think about all the positive things that will come of this and maybe for your own mental health you need to set some contact boundaries. Either there is no discusion about the surgery, or there is no contact. As an example.
Please... Tell me this:
Would you have gone through the process of getting to this point if it was not a crucial part of making your life better? How can something that enhances your life ruin it? It is not a possiblity.
*big hugs*
Shell
Dr Sullivan VSG Jan. 8th, 2013!
Lost 100 lbs in a year post op with a VSG.
First.....Take a deep breathe!
Then think about why you made the decision to have this surgery? What kind of a difference it will make in your life? Who you are doing this for? Could your Mom be somewhat jealous that your doing something to improve your life and be the person you want to be? Is your Mom making you second guess yourself?
For this very reason I have chosen to tell very few people about my surgery because I know it's the right thing for me, and I am very aware of the risks and complications, however without the surgery I am going to be limited with so many things, so my list of goals keeps getting longer every day! Everyone has way too much advice sometimes.
Be confident and firm with her, It's your husband you live with and you said he is 100% with you on this- and he is the one you live with NOT your mother who sounds like a very controlling woman! SO thats another thing you should be thankful for!
I'm sure once she realizes that your serious about doing this, with or without her approval, she will come around, esp when there is grandchildren involved. It will be interesting to see what her response is next year at Thanksgiving when your to your goal weight :-)
Hang in there, and good luck with your decision!
Then think about why you made the decision to have this surgery? What kind of a difference it will make in your life? Who you are doing this for? Could your Mom be somewhat jealous that your doing something to improve your life and be the person you want to be? Is your Mom making you second guess yourself?
For this very reason I have chosen to tell very few people about my surgery because I know it's the right thing for me, and I am very aware of the risks and complications, however without the surgery I am going to be limited with so many things, so my list of goals keeps getting longer every day! Everyone has way too much advice sometimes.
Be confident and firm with her, It's your husband you live with and you said he is 100% with you on this- and he is the one you live with NOT your mother who sounds like a very controlling woman! SO thats another thing you should be thankful for!
I'm sure once she realizes that your serious about doing this, with or without her approval, she will come around, esp when there is grandchildren involved. It will be interesting to see what her response is next year at Thanksgiving when your to your goal weight :-)
Hang in there, and good luck with your decision!
I am upset as i feel its no ones right to judge this i have friends as well that just dont get it they see me as this happy person who has a great husband and kids they dont see the side i share with you all that i am so unhappy with not being able to do what i want if life and that i am so afraid of my health getting bad all they see is wow what a easy way to get skinny but really that is not at all why i am doing this i want to do more with my kids and hubby and for myself i just never thought it would be so hard to be alone doing this. I really dont know what i would do with out hubby and my kids and you guys i have only met a few of you but i feel like you guys are always so helpful and care so much ty
On October 8, 2012 at 8:00 PM Pacific Time, Niki L. wrote:
I am upset as i feel its no ones right to judge this i have friends as well that just dont get it they see me as this happy person who has a great husband and kids they dont see the side i share with you all that i am so unhappy with not being able to do what i want if life and that i am so afraid of my health getting bad all they see is wow what a easy way to get skinny but really that is not at all why i am doing this i want to do more with my kids and hubby and for myself i just never thought it would be so hard to be alone doing this. I really dont know what i would do with out hubby and my kids and you guys i have only met a few of you but i feel like you guys are always so helpful and care so much ty Niki it takes balls to do this surgery ...yes.. I said it.. balls. There ain't nothing easy about this in any way, shape or form. Your life is transformed and you have to immediately adhere to a whole new game plan. This is not an easy or "flaky" choice to make
It's for your health and it is your call. You're the adult.
At some point, sometimes in our lives, the adults in our lives need to respect our decisions even if they don't agree with them.
I do want to share with you that if you let people know how deeply this is affecting you, meaning how sad it makes you etc, then they might understand more and be supportive. Does that make sense?
((( hugs ))))
YOu're doing what is right for you... and more power to you
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
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