food struggles = personal struggles = overshare

It seems like my old nemesis, my need to eat, it back.  Everything these days sets me to eating - and I can eat A LOT.  I am generally not over 2000 calories, but I know how to pack them in!  I haven't really struggled with food up to this point.  I have been able to keep everything in check, but sugar is a huge issue right now. 

I am heading up a big exchange trip at my school and I am hyper aware of the fact that it had better go well.  I am to be evaluated next Fall and this trip and my performance this year will be factored into that whether I like it or not.  It doesn't help that I feel like I need to "score points" with my principal because he will be evaluating me. 

Also, I started dating again.  It has been a hard row to hoe, let me tell you.  I have met a few men, but nothing I would consider a solid opportunity.  THEN, an old, old friend showed up in my life and I saw potential there.  He made all the moves on me then - boom - nothing.  So far, he is not on the same page as me and I think he has some issues to work out.  I fell hard and am struggling back to normalcy. 

To top it all off, my I was just informed that my ex-husband is having another child.  He had a vasectomy reversed.  Are three children by two former wives (in six years) not enough?  He doesn't support the children he has, how can he possibly think another child is a good idea?  How can SHE possibly think this is a good idea?

 Though I recognize that I am the one putting the food in my mouth, I seem to not have control over it.  My addiction is controling me right now and I can't get it in check.  I am fine until after work.  Then I am ravenous and can't stop the insanity! I am petrified that I am going to ruin my tool.  I am petrified that I will start taking drastic measures to keep my weight in check.  I have already considered laxitives as a way to purge (no, I am not doing this, but the thought is there) and hyper intense exercise (I already run 30 miles a week and swim 4 miles a week).  So more, would be seriously crazy.  I know these things.  I do. Yet, I struggle to see them as bad.  Arggghhh!  I am so terribly frustrated.  And scared. And anxious.  And eating....

 

Wow!  Lots of pain there!

If you absolutely MUST put food into your mouth, make it protein.  Sugar is a demon.  Use beef or turkey jerky, greek yoghurt with sf syrup and fruit, s/f icicles, deli meats rollups with cheese, romaine lettuce and mustard, etc., etc., etc.

I know how difficult this is for you, but the action of putting protein first will help, I promise.  You'll get the "mouth feel" comfort of eating, and still be able to combat the carb cravings.  You can do it.

Best wishes, 

Lot's going on...always a struggle to find balance and focus on our health when we feel bombarded in every direction.  I am sure you will receive a lot of advice about seeing a therapist and joining OA which are valid points but I am thinking about a few other things. 

We had surgery around the same timeframes and the last couple of weeks I have also struggled with evening eating.  Same story a lot going on in life right now...emotional eating, stress eating, almost one year out fear of failure eating, almost at goal self-sabotage eating, comfort eating, renewed hunger eating, bad habits revisited...all of the above and more I am sure.  I can tell by your exercise levels that you went into this process with a certain focus and fitness goals.  You wanted to be healthy not just lose weight.

I feel like we have a similar story.  I am running, swimming and meeting my fitness goals but I am now questioning where my mindset is today.  I met another fitness goal last week by finishing my first 10 K but at the same time I am sabotaging myself by grazing all night.  I feel like it is necessary to be constantly eating something at night.  I have been careful to make the grazing all healthy things that fall within my plan but it is constant.  I justify that some apple and cheese is not a bad evening snack and it is not but then I wait less than 30 minutes and follow with something else and so on.  So, I came on the board tonight to reflect and work it out.  We both confessed.  ;-) Here is how I am moving forward.  I am owning the choices I have been making.  I recognized two major things from reading your post and writing this response -
1) I fear failure and by sabotaging myself I am meeting my own low expectations
2) I let outside forces get me off track...this is supposed to be a time where I am focused on my health (mind, body and soul)

Thank you for reminding me to put my health first again and to care about myself enough to do it!  Let go of the anxiety...remember how you felt before your started the night time eating.  Do not take drastic measures just take one day at a time and recommit yourself to your health.     

Thank you for your thoughtful response.  I, too, ran a 10k race last weekend!  We are running very parallel stories.  I like how you are framing this: I do need to put the focus squarely back on my health.  I am owning my choices.  I would have never mentioned this to anyone a year ago. I would have stewed and justified and "worked it out" by eating and shoving it down.  I will get a grip on this and own it - not let it own me.  I need to re-read the book  "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts" again too. 

 

Yet again another appropriate reminder!  I started out reading and studying everything related to the surgery and my post surgery diet.  I was an avid student and ready to learn and reflect on the path I chose.  I have not been in the learning and reading mode for a good 3 or 4 months now.  I have yet to read "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts" but I meant to after hearing an interview on NPR.  I will make that my first self-reflection book.  I think I need to really be thoughtful about this new life path again.  Hmmm...maybe we should start a WLS book club.

Great book.  I highly recommend it.  Not exactly light reading though.  I found another one that spoke to me called "Women, Food, and God".  It should have been called "People, Food, and Spirituality" - none the less, it spoke to me too.  Happy reading.  Love the idea of a WLS book club. 

 

Yes, Geenen Roth has several books that could fit in with our new book club - "Breaking Free from Emotional Eating", Why Weight -A Guide to Compulsive Eating" and of course "When You Eat at the Refrigerator Pull Up a Chair."

I am adding "Born to Run" by Christopher McDougall to the list for inspiration.  Great idea for me...if I get my head in the game the rest usually follows. :-)

From a practical stand point I wonder too about your calorie and food intake. Are you not eating enough during the day? You are really doing a lot of exercise. Do you think you need more calories?
I'm not addressing the emotional stuff..just the biological/exericse/needing calorie thing.
I wonder if you up the protein earlier in the day it would help?

About the feelings thing. That's the whole damn thing. We have to figure out how to live our lives without turning to food. Its wonderful that you are asking for help, that you are mindful, and that you are open to change.

I think your ex should have his sperm supply cut off..or something cut off.

Deb T

two thoughts...are you sure you are eating enough calories for your level of exercise?  maybe your body NEEDS that many calories for that level of exercise...I know I would. 

Surgery gives us a tool, but doesn't fix our minds.  Have you seen a therapist that understands WLS & eating disorders?

Hope your trip goes well!

WOW, I thought I was the only one going through this!!! My surgery was May 4th and I actually wake up with hunger pangs. It's driving me nuts!!!
I love Dr Malik for giving us this tool, but I think it's really lacking in the nutrition guiding. He gives us a single sheet of what to eat and not to eat and we're suppose to figure it out from there?
I'm looking into the new bariatric center in Richmond, as I've heard they actually do a six week wellness program. I know some people who don't live on the lower mainland are doing it at home.

Your not alone, and I wish you luck *hugs*