Family and Friends don't want me to have RNY??

My sister and mother were against it too. However, I took them to an informatioanl seminar on gastric bypass surgery. These are offered by all the hospital in the Chicagoland area that  offer weight loss surgery.

Once they went to the seminar and asked all the questions to their hearts content, their stance turned around.

I have found the main reason families object to this is misinformation.

Because of comments made from family/friends in the past in regards to others having the surgery, I too have chosen to be selective of who knows prior to my surgery.  A lot of the people we associate with are through my kids' Mixed Martial Arts gym and another parent just had the surgery a month ago and though they are new to the gym, I have seen the blank looks on some of the other gym members' faces when they talk to him, like they can't understand why he can't just join the gym and lose it.  Keep in mind they are all mostly college kids and this man is in his mid to late 40's with health problems that this surgery can greatly help or cure.  However, WE have been at that gym 2 1/2 yrs and so it makes me really want to not say anything until it is done. 

For ex:  the other day my cousin sent me a picture of "turtle burgers".  It is basically a hamburger patty with hot dogs cut in pieces and stuffed into the patty to look like turtle arms, legs, head and tail.  Then you wrap the patty in bacon slices and grill it.  Once grilled it looks like a turtle. Mostly, I just thought this was a cute idea.  Though I love hot dogs and a good bacon burger, this did look a little over the top, but I decided to fwd this to my friends and family with the caption "YUM" on there and most everyone replied "cute idea" or "oh that looks good" but the wife of one of the gym instructors replies something to the effect of, "OH GROSS!   You must have written YUM being sarcastic.  That is so disgusting!  I can't imagine anyone that could eat food like that."  Now if she was a health nut all the time, I would let it roll off my back, but she has been on a health kick and is taking "vitamins" and has lost A LOT of weight.  I don't buy that it is just vitamins by any means,  but she is opinionated on things and seems to be moreso since her weight loss ....maybe to convince herself??  Either way....

I am not naive and think I can even come close to eating like that after my surgery, just trying to point out what so many of us on here have had to deal with regarding others' opinions of us and our choices.  It is FOR OURSELVES and if they want to jump in and support us that is great, but if not, GET OUT OF THE WAY!  LOL

Each person probably has a different reason for being non-supportive.  Unique to themselves.  I agree with those who suggest to ask for support, not for their opinion.  It could be very worthwhile to figure out whose support is most important to you - and set aside some time to ask them sincerely - you may learn some really great  things about these people who are special to you.

It worked for me to ask for support, and to be specific about exactly how.  For my away family, it was communication.  Please call - ask me how I'm doing.  Send me an email.  I'd love to hear from you!  For my husband -  asking him to take time off work for a few days.  Two local friends - I didn't have to ask - they spent weeks making and freezing beautiful clear broths and delcious purees!    People may NOT change their opinions, or lose their fear just because you ask - but most are more than willing (and relieved) to DO things.  You are embarking upon a powerful journey, and the people around you need time to process it  in their own ways. 

GOOD LUCK!  You surely do deserve support - so I hope there is someone there for you 100%!

Thank-you so much for info,just ask them to supportive even though they may not agree with the surgery right??

They're just scared for you. They need to support the decisions you make with your doctor. If they say you don't weigh enough, you can say, "Well, my doctor and insurance company do, but thank you for the compliment." Then just calmly go on your way and do what you've planned. They'll come around.

gracie5 you have to remember when WLS started decades ago there was a high mortality rate.

When one person out of every hundred died from complications it caught peoples attention.

However, surgeries are so improved as to not even be comparable.

I am a 30 year cc nurse.  I remember some of the early patients.  I no longer work in the hospital but my husband works the SICU.  He sees the patients now and it is not nearly the numbers from long ago. 

Educate your family.  Share the information that Dr. Wade gives you with them.  Education will help to prevent complications.

I have known people to get out of the hospital and two days later go to Taco Bell for tacos.  Now the internal sutures are not healed and she ended up in the hospital with life threatening complications.

Rules are rules for very good reasons.  If you don't understand ask for clarification.  Share with your family.

Everybody has that moment of will I really wake up after surgery.  But that is a perfectly natural reaction.

Faith in your doctor.  Education for yourself and support group.  Follow the rules.

Good Luck Dr. Barker is excellent.

M

I don't pretend to know anyone's mind but my own.  However, in my experience many people simply do not understand obesity. 

They don't "get" that folks are fat for a wide variety of reasons, even multiple reasons.  They don't "get" that just eating differrently is not a possibility for most obese and even overweight people.  This is often true even of other fat people.  This is true even among those that know the NIH stats on the overwhelming failure of dieting in the long term. 

In addition to those who do not think surgery is necessary you have the fear factor and the petty jelousy factor.  With or without the support of others, stay strong and do what is right for you.  Even if your loved ones come around, build yourself a support system with other wl patients.  This way you have a sounding board in people wh are or have ben where you are.  Best wishes to you. 

Thanks so much,everyone is great in this OH family,I don't feel so alone anymore,all comments really help!!