How do you begin to believe you could reach goal?

I have been struggling since the beginning of my journey to actually believe i could get to a weight that would be normal, at least in my own eyes. I lost over 100 lbs but that was mainly the surgery. i've had periods of clean eating with minimal sugar intake and lower carb but i always go off my diet. I've been lucky in that i haven't gained any weight back but I am not where I want to be. I have a major mental block in place and i'm not sure how to work through it.

any suggestions?

I guess I started to believe I could actually  make it after I'd lost a significant amount and was getting at least kinda close to goal.

There are a couple things I notice in your post.  First, you say you always go off your diet.  Well, we're not supposed to be on a diet.  We are supposed to eating a healthy but normal diet.  This is supposed to be a lifestyle, not a diet.  Maybe viewing it as a diet, or trying to stay on a diet, is part of the problem.

I'm wondering if believing that you won't be able to get to goal is part of why you always go off your diet.  Like, if you believe you won't get to goal anyway, why not eat a cookie?  Why bother to work really hard if you think you still won't get there?

I know not everyone gets as low as they want to, but I think for most of us, if we have a reasonable goal, we can make it.  I don't see any reason most people should not be able to make it.  Again, the goal has to be reasonable.  And what's reasonable for one person might not be reasonable for another, for whatever reason.  But why wouldn't you be able to get to goal?

I've had to really work on my "thoughts" about food.  In my morbidly obese days I had many "triggers" for eating (sight, smell, touch, memories, hearing about specific food, etc.)  I also ate food purposely "without thinking about what I was doing."  By "ignoring" what or how much I was eating - I felt it would help with guilt.

My "thinking" about eating was really screwed up.

The RNY was a "new beginning" for me.  I drew a line in the sand.  In the beginning, I had to exist on full liquids & then puree food.  For 2 months I made it without my old "comfort foods."  I began keeping a food log and "knowing" what I was eating because it was in "black and white" on my journal.  I discovered the correct "portion" of food for every stage of my journey.  I measured and when it was gone - I stopped.

Changing my thinking to be accountable for every bite.  Changing my thinking to eat for health and energy and not for "enjoyment, entertainment or therapy" has been huge.

I credit my changing thought process to prayer, coming on OH daily for more than 2 years, keeping a daily food log (I total calories, gms protein, gms carbs and oz fluid) for more than 2 years, I have a lengthly list of books I've read, I attend monthly support groups.  Food is no longer my crutch or my entertainment. 

Each day is a challenge.  I find the longer I eat "clean" (organic, raw, less processed, chemicals, hormones, etc.) I feel so much better.  The cravings - at least for me- are under control.  It only takes a day of eating white flour (my downfall) to make me crave more.  I don't bring 'trigger" foods into the house.  I pack my lunch with what I can have in the correct portion size.

I have made nutrition very important.  It is a matter of life and death for me.

I can send you my reading list if you PM me.  Best wishes.

I do know EXACTLY what you mean.  I too have felt the same way.  I have decided recently, literally out of no where, the I CAN DO THIS!!!  Why not? Other people do it all the time.  Why can't I?  And thats exactly what I am doing.  I thing is early on it was so easy.  And then when you hear the docs say that you all may not lose all the weight you want... I was like "Thats me... I'm the person that wont" so I didn't.  But, I CAN!!!  I just have to be the person to do it!!! 

I have gotten back on OH, been accountable every day as far as my weight and calories and protein.  I track everything I eat on an app on my phone so I can literally add it in immediately so I dont forget.  I am taking my vitamins and I have started exercising ever so slightly. And do you know what???  I feel way better than I did 9 days ago!!!  I actually didn't think about it until last night when I got home from work and still had energy to cook and clean and do laundry without even thinking about it.  I just felt like doing it!!!  That was huge for me cause its been so hot at work and at home!!! 

So, lets do this!!!  Let meet our goal once and for all!!!!!!  WHY????  CAUSE WE CAN!!!!!

HIJACK....

Amanda, I just had to tell you that I LOVE your hairstyle!  I am going to take the plunge in a couple of weeks and cut my long hair short, and I.... AM...... SCARED!  My hair is a mess since RNY and is very thin and damaged, so I know cutting it will help tremendouly.  And I know I need a change!  Thank you for inspiring me! 

Thank you thank you thank you!!!!  I had hair past my bra strap almost to my waist and I cut it off to a bob and donated it.  I kept it like that for just a couple months and I hated it... there was nothing striking about it... so I cut mine all off and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it!!! 

Kelly already covered my initial two thoughts, so I will just add the one thought I had that she did not cover. 

Although it sounds like the primary issue is the "I always go off my diet" statement, I would just encourage you to make sure that the weight that you WANT to be is a REALISTIC weight for you (not just based on what other people your height have as their goal weights or what some chart says).  We all have VERY different builds, so not only do you need to take into consideration your bone structure (and even people who are the same height with a "medium" bone structure may be built vastly differently and therefore have vastly different realistic goal weights), but also your age, your inherited physical traits, how heavy you were to start with and for how long, any medical (e.g., metaboilic) considerations, etc.... because all of these impact what is a realistic weight for YOU.  If you have a goal that is simply not realistic for YOU, you could drive yourself crazy trying to force your body down to that weight. 

For someone my height, for example, "normal" BMI is anywhere from 115 to 145 pounds.  I am almost 49 years old (surgery at 45), had been overweight/obese/SMO (starting BMI of 57!) of my entire adult life (SMO for over 10 years prior to surgery), have medium to small bones in the upper portion of my body but have much heavier bones in my torso and legs, have always had big boobs (still a 36DDD) and very muscular thighs, and had done a LOT of yo-yo dieting ovebr the years.  There is no way I could EVER be below 130 pounds without cutting off body parts.  With just my build taken into account (not even considering age, metabolism, and weight history), even 140 is "pushing it" (so 145... just barely a normal BMI... was what my PCP felt was realistic.  I got down to 142.5 VERY briefly and then, almost immediately, popped back up almost 5 pounds.  I really wanted to be 135 pounds... or at least something below 140... so I tried to be very strict about what I ate, tried exercising like a fiend (as much as my knees would permit, and then even beyond), and I gained 6 pounds (muscle, because my body fat % dropped by 3%)... and did additional damage to my bad knee.  My body just does not want to be less than 145 pounds (and I can maintain that without starving myself or having to track every morsel I eat). 

You did not post stats, but perhaps your body is just where it is comfortable being even if it is not where you WANT it to be comfortable.  If you still really have some signficant excess weight to lose and a realistic goal weight, then we are back to the falling off the "diet" issue again.  I ahve just seen some people torture themselves trying to get to a weight that, even if they get there, they will not be able to maintain without starving themselves and being unhealthy nutritionally.

Lora

I agree with everything the other posters said.  You have to find out a realistic weight for yourself that you can maintain.  I wanted SO much to be 135 (or even lower) and got to that weight, but bounced up to 146, and down to 139, and up and down.... and now I'm 144/145.  I like the way I feel and it's not too hard for me to maintain.  Also, throughout the weight loss and now maintenance, I really kept my carb intake down.  My main source of carbs is fruits, veggies, dairy, and very occasionally a whole wheat cracker or some protein bread.  I found that keeping the carbs down worked for me, especially because carbs intake is a trigger for me.  To this day, I still keep a food journal, and whatever goes into my mouth goes in that journal.  It really helps to keep me honest.   See if any of the the suggestions from all of us apply to you.  Hope it helps!  You can do this!