Reality Check Number One

I've had such a hard time writing this and putting these thoughts into words. I was an English major in college and like to turn a nice phrase every now and again, but I just can't seem to put this right. So quite uncerimoniously, here is what I've been thinking:

The context I've been thinking about my future success with WLS has been thinking of the interesting foods I'll make, the ways I can change little things for family functions and holidays, and how preparation will be key. But, after traveling in the Airport yesterday and not finding ANYTHING I can eat now (at 3 weeks out) and not much more that I can eat in the future, I am in a period of mourning, and I'm mad!

I've never been to Europe, but I'd love to go. Certainly part of the draw is the amazing food. I realize that only by merit of having WLS I've not banished myself to rice cakes, tofu and turkey for life. I know even if something is rich or sweet, i can have a small taste, and I imagine that will satisfy me.

But I'm mad at myself for wasting so many precious moments eating crap like McD and doughnuts that i got to the point where something this drastic was needed. And, in doing that, I have in ways limited myself to what I can enjoy in the future.

So, when I (hopefully)  finally get the chance to go to France, Italy or Spain, I'm mourning the idea that I'll not eat creme brulee, have a plate of the best chicken alfredo in the world, or enjoy tapas and sangria in madrid. I'm sure the vets will tell me that I can have a bite of this, and have whole wheat pasta and that non-fried calamari is pretty good. And I get it. And I'm not upset that I can only have a bite and not gorge myself. I've done plenty of that and I'm over it.

But life is meant to be about those rare moments when you can indulge shamelessly, not daily shamefully. So, I will enjoy my bite or two and REVEL in the fact that I can climb the stairs at the Eiffel Tower, that I can hike the hills of Tuscany and dance the flamenco in Barcelona.

I know I've gained FAR more than I've lost by making this decision. But yesterday was my first slap in the face that it's not easy out there.

I am also 3 weeks out and have had the same feelings. I regret eating so badly in the past that I know have to restrict what I eat. I have had the regrets of never eating just a healty salad again...but on the flip side of this WLS coin, I may now be able to eat at my grandchildrens weddings in 20 years because I made the decision to have WLS. I know it looks gloomy now and we think that we will NEVER eat anything good again, but we will be able to eat most of the "normal" foods again,just in smaller amounts. We will also be able to enjoy the blessings in our life because of this decision. Bless you and look ahead to a healthier life.

I'm not gonna tell you not to mourn those things, and I hope no else here does, either.

Yes, your life will be forever changed by this surgery.  I think, for myself, most of the changes are good changes.  But even good changes can be hard.  And some of the changes I don't like.  I just live with them and believe that the good far outweighs the bad.

At three weeks out, it is a lot harder to find stuff you can eat when you're out and about than it will be at three months out or three years out.  You'll have a great trip to Europe and you will get to taste a lot of the things you've been dreaming about, but no, it won't be the same as it would be if you hadn't had surgery.

You'll still have a great time, but it's OK to be sad about what you won't have.

Very nice answer Kelley!   

Hi Heather,

Good for you for identifying your feelings and voicing them! There are definitely a lot of ups and downs along this journey, and the first few weeks and months are often the biggest emotional rollercoaster. You already know what some of us a bit further along will say ("you can still have a bite..."), but mourning is definitely part of the process. I think that for most people, as they move further along in the process and are able to tolerate/enjoy a wider range of foods, this becomes less of an issue, but still....

Personally, I'm visiting New York City this weekend, and I noticed that one of my first thoughts in anticipating the trip was about all the different types of food I wanted to eat (good NY deli and Chinese, yum). But my next realization was "I don't want to eat anything that makes me feel sick and sideline myself and be unable to enjoy the trip, so I need to make sure I don't eat in a way that won't agree with my pouch." For me, it's a totally different way of looking at travel, social plans, etc. post-surgery. At some level, I do experience it as a loss -- but honestly, I'm feeling so great overall that for me right now it's totally worth the sacrifice.

Stay strong, keep processing your thoughts and feelings, and start practicing the flamenco, because you're well on your way!

Best,

Laura

My husband use to tell me that I associated every event with food. Yes you will get to eat the food you like, just a less amount but you can feel full like you have indulged. Re-route your thinking to all the sights, the history, the walking and the shopping in Europe. Oh, think of the great clothes you can buy. You can still indulge yourself with things other than food.

Your post was so interesting to me - I feel like I could have written the same thing! I too wish to travel to Europe (it's one of my dreams). I made the decision to have WLS because I wanted to be able to walk around and enjoy the sights and history. The food is important to me as well, but I figured I could have a taste here and there. I know that most places I want to go, walking is the way to get there in Europe, so hence the decision.
Also, something else (and I don't know if this applies to you, but this helped me decide) I know that if I don't get the weight down I will develop diabetes, and then I REALLY won't be able to overindulge and on top of that I'll have to worry about insulin injections (had to do that for all 3 pregnancies).
BTW - I was an English major also -
Kristina