My second post today--seems I have a lot on my mind.

Anyway, this question is for people who are now Post-op. I want to know, do any of you have resentment issues with people after having surgery?

I hear that when you start losing weight, everyone starts treating you differently. Suddenly you are being asked on dates, you may get a raise at work, and that people start treating you much better in general.

I know how I am, and I am scared that I will have resentment after surgery towards people who start giving me the time of day. This has happened to me in the past when I have managed to lose 60+lbs on my own...I always noticed that people were nicer to me, I got so many more compliments...and it honestly just made me so angry. I was still the SAME person, I just looked different. It just made me realize how superficial the world was...

Thoughts?

Perhaps resentment is a cover for fear- fear of being more vulnerable, fear of being outside one's comfort zone, fear of whatever. Focusing on how others treat us may be a way of keeping ourselves protected.

Yes- we are the same person before and after, but other people's perception of us isn't. I think we have to learn to live with that, because how we handle fear may be a part of what causes regain.

So, no, I don't have issues with resentment. I'm learning to appreciate the attention and acknowledgement of my hard work!

People treating you differently after you lose weight is completely normal and is to be expected.  We all do it -- treat people differently based on their looks.  Building resentment toward people is just going to make you miserable (and have fewer friends).

People treating you differently after surgery is one of the benefits.  Another way to look at is is that once you lose weight, people can more easily see the person you really are without weight-biases getting in the way.

 i have to say...i like your way of thinking.  

 Honestly, I have never noticed people treating me poorly because of my weight.. and I haven't noticed anyone treating me differently yet having lost 100 lbs.. except the skinny blonde downstairs keeps asking me what size I want to get to as if she's afraid one day I will be smaller than her! lol but even she seems genuine with her contratulations on my success.  I guess what I'd have to say about resentment is.. the only one it's going to affect is you, it just makes you negative and unhappy!  You should enjoy being thin and everything that comes along with it.. and if people want to treat you better for whatever reason.. let them.  Just my .02 cents.

I had several very painful (and memorable!) experiences where someone who did not know me treated me poorly based on my size alone.  In two of the three cases that come immediately to mind, they assumed that because I was fat, I was also stupid (and, initially at least, treated me accordingly).  (I have my share of neagtive traits... I am stubborn and impatient... but am far from stupid.  I have three Master's degrees, am just a dissertation away from completing a PhD, and am a Mensa member.)  Even before I lost the weight, I guess you could say I held a certain amount of "resentment" towards at least one of those people.

I have only had one instance where someone (just barely an acquaintance) who would not give me the time of day when I was heavy has come up to me (NOT having any idea who I was!) and start talking to me (bordering on hitting on me).  I did not resent him, but since I already knew how rude he could be to someone who did not meet his appearance standards, I did make it a point to not-so-tactfully tell him who I was (in order to maximize his embarrassment)...

I definitely have more men hold doors for me, but I have not found that people who know me treat me any differently than they did before I lost the weight.

Lora

i would not hold resentment for people who never acknowledged me before,,but it would give me a clear line of who to make a wide birth around,,if they didn't like me before i don't want them liking me now,,,i don't want anyone in my life who see me differently because i "lost weight"?? what kind of nonsense is that,it's not something i have to accept or tolerate at all,,.

I could not agree more. If you could not give me the time of day when I was fat, then I certainly am not going to embrace your friendship now that I meet your standards. Not the type of person I want in my life, thanks. 

To whom it may concern .....
who didn't like you the most.....? 
could it have been you?

I know I will like me a lot more
when I finally get on the losers bench
........ with you all!!!
Just thinkin' ..... Sam

I never noticed people who wouldn't give me the time of day. I WILL say that I am much more apt to strike up a conversation with a stranger now, then I was before I lost some weight. I know I am much more approachable in that I can look people in the eye and smile. Before I would have looked down and prayed that they didn't notice me.

I have had a few people in my life who seem to be getting uncomfortable with my weight loss. It starts right about the time they notice you are smaller then they are. I don't feel resentment nor do I think they resent me, I just think it changes the terms of the relationship and until new terms are worked out, it is a bit uncomfortable.