Weird Relationship change... Let's discuss!

This is really weird for me... A little background... I have never been a "skinny girl" (Well... In my head I was, but the mirror told a different story!) My husband and I met in high school, dated, broke up, got back together 6 years later, got married, have been married 7 years.

We had trouble conceiving another child, probably due to my weight and the huge cyst they found inside my uterus... I had a hysterectomy a few months after my RNY. I am now down 125 from my highest weight.

All the sudden my husband is sooooooo interested in sex. We have never had this much or this amazing of sex. I have been loving it, but all the sudden he is becoming a tad bit jealous... Flattering yes, but it leaves me wondering why all the sudden is he concerned I may cheat???

OUR CONVERSATION -

Oh WOW! I figured it out. Now that I am not "as fat" I may have a chance with someone else!!!! Let me tell you that while I am flattered that you are worried other men may be looking at me, fat girls can get laid as well. If I was going to cheat on you, I could have done it fat... So now the reason you are so interested in sex is because I am no longer as fat as I was... My gosh... I had no idea that my weight was effecting us this way.

HE TRIED TO EXPLAIN -

I thought you were beautiful before you lost weight, and even more beautiful now. I have always been attracted to you as my wife and because I love you, but now the sexual attraction is even more intense. Can we change the subject? I was trying to be honest and tell you how proud I am of you, but it is apparently not working that way. I never meant to make you feel bad.

SO..... Here is where I am at...

The way I feel about myself has improved, I can move easier and differently, I want to dress nice and do my hair and makeup, I want people to notice the changes I have made, but I have always enjoyed being the center of attention. I am glad that our sex life is amazing now, and am flattered that my husband is kinda jealous (even though he has zero reason to worry!) I think it was kinda funny that he was stumbling all over himself and just digging a deeper hole, but what an eye opener for me. He never would have told me before my weightloss that my weight bothered him, but I think the "fat girl" part of my heart is a tiny bit hurt by that realization.

Anyone else have weirdness like this in their relationships? I would like to hear from others about changes in their relationships.

How nice that a guy can tell you his feelings and what he was trying to say. Really - most guys can't do that. You are lucky inthat area. For most post op women, whether we know it or not we're sexy and desirable all the time but I think we put out a different vibe when we lose weight and feel better about ourselves. It starts with smiling more, being happier, being more comfortable
with who we are and being proud of ourselves and our accomplishment. Your husband has always seen you as attractive, but now it's like wow!  My husband said jokingly, when I had lost 100 pounds that it was like being with another woman, he said it was exciting cheating with his wife. LOL. I took it as a compliment. You should to. The jealousy may come because, frankly you're a different person than you were and your both getting used to each other again. Relationships change with or withoug surgery. Working on it together and remembering both of you are going through your weight loss transformation helps a lot. He has to adjust to a "different" looking wife- a more confident, outgoing, gorgeous woman who he hopes will still find him attractive. (Men won't usually say it but that's their biggest fear). Reassure him that you lost weight to make him proud of you, to look good when you go out with him and you have no reason to cheat on such a great guy. He may just need reassurance. Relationships are hard work but you guys are already talking about it and getting any fears or concerns out in the open. Keep a sense of humor and things should work out fine.
Jen 10 yrs post op

I haven't had that much of an issue yet but the other night in a drunken moment that my husband had after hanging with his friends, he came home and was like I don't want you to leave me. I was like why would you think that? He said because now that I would be thinner and started feeling better about myself that I may think he is not good enough (which is ridiculous). It is so funny because he lost 80lbs himself a few years back and I was so insecure with him losing the weight and thought the same thing. We talked about it the next day when he was in a rational mind frame and discussed how this is benefiting both of us and no matter what weight I am at that has nothing to do with why we are together. I am still me and I love him. I am concerned as I lose more weight though if he is going to be more insecure.

I never expected my husband to be as attracted to me when I was morbidly obese. I did expect him to treat me the same and he did. Now that I've lost 100 pounds he doesn't have to TELL me that he's more attracted to me but I know it to be true. I think the problem is that he actually said the words.

If you think about it, we seem to like ourselves better too.  Our confidence increases, our self care (getting dressed up, putting on make up) improves.  If we feel better about ourselves, why shouldn't they.  The insecurity makes sense too...confidence breeds a more outgoing individual...if we are no longer a wallflower (I know this doesnt apply to everyone but certainly to myself) then we have more chance of getting noticed and approached.

I have yet to have my surgery, so can't say exactly how I would react in your shoes, but from the outside looking in, I think it makes sense to me.

Your husband sounds sweet.  I hope that things work out well for both of you.

Andrea.

Simple fact number 1) Guys don't need to be attracted to a woman to have sex. 
Simple fact number 2) Guys like women need to feel secure in loving someone.

As I guy, remember I lost the weight not my wife, it annoys the crap out of me when women have to always dig for some true meaning in a man's actions or need to point out and need an explination in a change of behavior.

Is it so hard to believe that your husband has always been attracted to you and that the difference in your physical appearance and self confidence has increased that attraction?  is wrong that his attraction has increased?

If he wasn't attracted to you why did he marry you? Do you not think that by questioning in this way you may get the situation to a point where he feels nit picked and thinks no matter what he does will be questioned or met this way so he will just stop doing stuff?

Stop questioning the motives and just enjoy the life you have together. 

 LIKE!!

 I met my husband right around the time I started my 2-week liquid diet.  So we started a romantic relationship when I was heavy, but I gave him full disclosure about my impending surgery.  We have always tried to be sure to communicate our feelings and thoughts with forthright honesty.. you know what he said to me way back when? 

"I've never been in a relationship with a bigger girl.  I'm attracted to you now,but I'll probably be more attracted to you when you've lost the weight."

I was not offended and really appreciated his honesty.  I think this level of honesty has helped us build a strong relationship.. and I encourage you to try to not twist his words around to say that you couldn't have gotten laid when you were fat.. that's only going to discourage him from being clear with his feelings later on.

My hubby is/was a tad on the insecure side..thinking he's not worthy of someone he feels has gotten more beautiful with losing 120 pounds..yeah, he figured I could do a whole lot better than him..there are many more guys out there better, he was thinking..


I actually had to FIGHT to stay with him cuz he was so sure I was leaving..It's not that my big size bothered him but that his inadequacies bothered him..