Need some advice, sorta OT

 Heyla all!

I need some advice from you all, feel free to metaphorically kick me in the ass if you think it's needed, just try to be constructive about it, k?

Complete strangers keep flirting with me! And I seriously am loving it and hating it in equal portions right now. And I'm not quite certain how to handle it.  I'm trying polite and gracious and no one has been pushy (thankfully) but I still feel like I'm doing something "wrong".  I don't think my attitude has changed much, and if it has I'm sure I'm actually *more* cranky now lately than I was pre surgery.

A little background here.  I stopped dating at 17.  I made some bad choices and scared myself silly. It took nearly a decade of therapy to get past the 'I hate men', 'All men are pigs' and the 'oh my gosh, please don't look at me I want to be invisible' phases.  I'm well now, have been for years. Yes I still have some screaming nightmare days, but I'm counting them by days a. Year now rather than days a week or month. 

But irregardless, it's been 17 years since I actively participated in the mutual checking out aspect of social interaction, and I didn't have a whole ton of experience when I stopped.  I'm not certain how to handle these situations now that there is a definite under current of attraction to the flirting and not just the normal verbal jousting/ flirting that people do for fun. 

I know I can't be the first person to run up against this, so I'd appreciate some perspective from some more experienced peeps. 

Thanks!

I have been married for most of my life so, sadly, cannot help you with this.  However, I did not want you to feel ignored.  I did read your post, just don't know how to respond other than I am wishing you receive some guidance on this.  Maybe this is one of those things that you could possibly discuss with a therapist.

I do know when I am faced with tough cir****tances in my life, I feel better negotiating those waters with a therapist.

Good luck!!!

I think Deb gave some good advice..... I have never been ashamed to go to my therapist.... he has helped me put some perspective on so many things..... I have been happily married for 15 yrs and have been heavy since 3rd grade. I wonder what it will be like to get more attention from the opposite sex and how I will handle it...in the past when I have lost weight, it always happens.  So I may be exploring that topic with my therapist too.....   Let us know how that goes for you... GOOD LUCK !!

Sorry, I don't have real personal experience to add but did want to say that it is pretty impressive how far you have already come (given what you describe).  It sounds like you have terrific insight into yourself and I suspect that ultimately you will work through this in a very positive way.  If you had good success with a therapist in the past, I would say that sounds like an excellent place to start.  I am sure you are not the only one to go through this (I have seen others post about similar situations regarding suddenly becoming "noticeable" to the other sex and finding it difficult not to have their weight to hide behind).

Good luck with this new part of your journey.  I hope all goes well.

Andrea.

Hello. I think sometimes we use our weight as a barrier to intimacy. I tend to not let others get too close because I so do not like myself right now. LOL. I am sure that as I lose weight I will start losing the barrier too. You may be feeling vulnerable now. I don't know...I am not an expert. Like the other posters suggested, talk it over with a counselor or a trusted advisor. I am learning that this whole weight loss journey is not just a physical change. Good luck. Be blessed!!