Anyone else out there think of suicide/

It has been about 4 and a half months since my surgery and I just have not been the same mentally. Trust me I have talked to doctors and gone to a counselor. The medication doesn't seem to help, I have tried three already. Each day seems to get worse. It's not because I don't feel I'm loosing weight fast enough. Actually I only have 20 more pounds to go. My vitamin and mineral levels are all right where they should be. I have a couple of plans and have gone as far as writing a letter to my husband. He supports me but I still feel like everyone would be better off without me. I pretty much live in the middle of nowhere, so support groups are out and have few to no real friends. I'm usually an outgoing and upbeat kind of person so this is very scary to me. I'm just wondering if this is something somewhat normal or if I'm just a freak.

 I'm glad your seeking out professional help..the advice that I have is that when one day at a time even seems overwhelming..try just one minute at a time. Continue to seek out the professional help that you need..your doctors will be able to adjust your medication and get you the help you need it takes some time. I've dealt with depression and anxiety but there is too much for me to live for to think about sucide.   
1-800-273-8255 is the national sucide hotline if you really need someone to talk to. 

you should come on here everyday and just talk maybe go to church ,read bible i,m sure your husband doesn,t feel he,d be better off with out you and it sounds like we go through alot of hormonal changes hang in there you can beat this !

You can also chat online if you need someone to talk to.  Reading your post scares me and I hope you are able to find the help or the answers that you need.  Just hang in there and like the previous poster said, take one minute at a time.  http://www.veteranscrisisline.net/ChatTermsOfService.aspx

keep posting, keep reaching out to counselors, the numbers / websites listed above, your surgeon absolutely should be contacted, etc.

Another thing is hang in there..... the first few months our brains get haywire with all the changes, requirements and estrogen (even guys) being dumped from fat cells. It is like a big cluster PMS that lasts 6mths.

Please contact someone in person who can help you through this time.

Please keep reaching out...

Whatever your problems are, on this side, there are solutions to be found...not so on the other side and you have no idea what kind of new problems will present themselves there...

I have been in a similar place...there are better places here to which you can go...maybe just need some help getting there...I'll do what I can if you let me know...

My vitamin and mineral levels are all right where they should be.

How do you know that?  Did you look at them yourself? or the doc told you they are OK?
Why am i asking that? because I was there... My labs were normal... yet I felt like I was dying... Then one day I post her eon OH and one girl asked me to forward the lab results to her...
She then told me and showed me - and made me research myself that my labs were in normal range - but they were not near close to be optimum for me.  My labs were "normal" not critical enough for me to die - but not good enough for me to live.
Examples:
My B12 even with daily very high dosages of subligual B12 - were in 500-600 range... and I start feeling bad when they drop below 800 (so now I am on weekly B12 injections)
My iron was "normal" but way too low.  my ferritin dropped from 100 before surgery to 11... And study shows that when ferritin drops below 50... some people show signs of low iron - depression, lack of energy, etc. 
My thyroid was normal... TSH... but when they run the full thyroid panel - it show that my T3 was low, way too low... (the T3 is the active thyroid hormone)
My protein was normal... but low normal... I had to increase my proteins from 8o to 120-150 gr to get the number to be close 7+

and so on...VIt D (low) cholesterol (low) hormones (low) 

All numbers were "normal" but some borderline normal - others just midget below normal. Each one of those - low - probably would not create an issue by itself - but all of those combined - and I was a train wreck.  
Dehydration, lack of energy meant lack of exercise, post op Low blood pressure  - none of those things were normal. 

I took charge.  I did not wanted to do it... but I Have people who love me and depend on me and my well being... I dug myself out. 

I increased proteins, water, salt and minerals and vitamins. 
I got iron infusions. 
I got hormone replacement therapy (including male hormones  even though I am a female - I need them), I added more salt and minerals to my diet, even gained some weight... so I could be stronger... (gasps) 
I am now ion weekly B12 injections, Hormones replacement therapy and I eat real food - including butter, eggs, cheese to make sure that my cholesterol stays in mid range... 

PLEASE ask for the lab results... make sure they checked everything... and I can look at them and I can ask others to look at them... 
It may be one thing you are missing - it may be a lot of things that you are just barely "Normal" Normal may not be enough for you... It was not for me ...
 

very good advise

You have allot to live for we all do, you would not have gone through with this surgery unless you wanted to get healthier feel better have a better quality of life. Our bodies and mind go through so much after WLS, stay positive talk to your husband do what you did today post, We are here and we care as I am sure your husband does too.keep talking to your doctors and  when you get bad thoughts pray as i will pay for you. God will watch over you. God bless you. 

I've dealt with suicidal feelings plenty.  I've dealt with major depression for a long, long time.  And I've attempted suicide a few times.  And no, it's not "normal."  It's an indication that something is very, very wrong.  Especially when you've gotten to the point of writing a letter to your husband.

It can take a long time to find a medication that works.  I've tried about 30.  Seriously.  A lot more than three.  So you gotta hang in there a while and keep trying.  While my depression is certainly not gone, I'm not suicidal right now.

I think you should consider getting to a hospital right now.  Hospitals, at least most of them, don't do a great job of treating depression these days but they do keep you safe while they try to get your medication straightened out.  It's boring in there most of the time, but if you're that depressed, *****ally cares if you're bored, right?  I was really scared the first time I was admitted to the hospital for depression but found it wasn't really a scary place at all.

Can your husband take you to the nearest ER?