On The Fence

Hi everyone! I am new here and wanted some advice from all you lovely people. I'm 29 yrs old and considering bariatric surgery, RNY. I've been approved for surgery and in the pre-op weight loss phase. Over the past few weeks I have been seriously questioning going through with this surgery. I think mostly out of fear - fear of surgery, complications, and definitely dying. I know this surgery has come a long way and is much safer but I still hear stories that have really freaked me out. I've attended the semiars and talked with people who have had the surgery but I'm still not sure what to do. I'm just scared and need someone to tell me what to do lol. I know you can't make the decision for me but wanted to hear thoughts to maybe help me process what I'm feeling.

Love,
Lost & Confused

I think it's a decision you need to make on your own. Your making a life changing decision, and it sounds like you've been taking the right steps by going to the seminars and getting informed. I guess the question would be if it would improve the quality of your life and if it's worth the risks.

 Hi, Lost & Confused!

I am in a similar place (though i have yet to be approved) and vacilate back and forth almost daily.  I have been told that this is absolutely normal!  You need to work through a whole bunch of changes and that can be emotional, confusing and just plain scary.  

My big piece of advice?  Bum bum bum.  A book.  "An Expert's Guide to Weight-Loss Surgery" by Garth Davis.  Apparently, he's some kind of famous surgeon, but this book is required reading for my doc's patients and it is so comforting.  I gain something new each time and it helps the nervousness for sure.

Also, keeping a journal during this process has really helped me.  At first, I was concerned because I much more of a "doer" than a "writer", but my feelings about the surgery come much more quickly now and looking back on previous entries helps me with progress.  I get to revisit those days that I especially concerned and see my current feelings on the situation.  i have come to find that many of my fears are really a coded fear of failure and being so disappointed.  

Only YOU will know if and when you're ready.  Don't let all my jealousy persuade you.  :)  Just slow down and give yourself a moment. 

Let me know how you're doing!

Thanks for respondering to her question. It's helped me alot too! I'm going to find that book and read it. I never thought about writing down what I'm thinking all this back and forth and up and down stuff. I went to the dr and started the steps. Alot of paperwork and bloodwork is done. I just dont know yet if its acceptable. Now I sit and wait and I still feel undecided at times!!!! UGH

Well good luck with your decisions. I wish you the best and know you're not alone and what you're feeling is normal.

PS> I just found the book on Amazon.com for $6.40 new.

 I'm so glad that it helped!  I actually borrowed the book from a friend (who is doing fabulously 8 months post-op, btw), but still think it is the best $0 that I have ever spent!  

I very much approached the surgery with that mind-set until I realized that with daily stresses, life, family, a job search that - above all else - I need to be my priority.  Much like an alcoholic in a program, I need to be sure that I am ok or everything else will go down with my health.  But like all things, it takes practice.  I'm not great at it, but I'm working on it so that won't always be the case.  

Thanks for the bit of encouragement.  I now know that I needed it.  The anxiety over not possibly not getting approved is driving me nuts!!  

Thank you for your thoughts. I hope you get approved for surgery soon too! After reading so much and going back and forth with my decision, maybe I do need a moment to step back and really decide if this is what I want. I just keep waiting for a light bulb to go off screaming HEY YOU, get the surgery, everything will be fine. I'm not sure that will happen :) I will check out that book, I haven't read any yet so this might be a good idea.

I'm so glad I'm not the only who is feeling this way. I just had my yearly with my OBGYN and she told me you know life is short you gotta live it balls to the wall. I laughed but really think she is right. It's over before we know it. Might as well take the plunge and do it- but then the other side of my brain is so so scared (I'm scared of everything). I'm ready to pull my hair out lol.

 Oh my, HiveFive Girl.  

I am so aware of that feeling!  My fear now is about the insurance company not approving, but I do know that feeling so well.  I would just say to reflect.  

That aside, I am with your OBGYN, but again that's my stage in this process.  My fear is having children one day and not being able to play with them or ever buy clothes in a regular store or spend quality time outdoors like I used to.  My life is literally determined by how heavy I am.  Knew I had to at least try for it.  That is where reflection took me.  Maybe it'll do it for you.

I try to always be objective.  After all that you have read and researched, would you recommend the surgery to a perfect stranger?  Don't let fear stop you from doing something that is right for you, but be realistic and objective.  Think it through and think critically (not just about the risks, but about the facts).  And take things piece by piece until it isn't just so over-whelming.  

In the end, you may be dedicated to surgery or you may decide it's not for you, but the decision is the enlightening part.  

Phew.  I don't mean to sound like I think I have all the answers but these are daily reminders to myself and what's been impactful for me.  Thanks for letting me let it all out, y'all!

One of my biggest fears is actually being able to have children. I've been married for 4 years now and we still haven't gotten pregnant. That's a huge motivator for me and this surgery. I also found out I have simple hyperplasia which scared the living daylights out of me. So my clock is ticking big time if you know what I mean. And the thought of growing old with my husband makes me want to do this too. He is a pretty healthy guy - works out daily. I want to have the same amount of energy, you know? The other side to all this are the thoughts of complications. And not complications right away from surgery but later on down the road. FEAR of the unknown is kililng my journey here.

 Oh my.  I'm sorry to hear about your problems with pregnancy and your simple hyperplasia.  That is a very real fear of mine, as well.  And the long-term complications are my biggest surgery-related fear so I totally understand that, too.  That, unfortunately, is not something with an easy answer.  It sounds like we both have looked for one.  

You will come to a decision.  You must, but give it time.  At the end of the day, if you can say you did the best you could, there is little else you can expect from yourself.  Feel free to drop me a line if you need a sounding board or anything.  

Good luck and happiness to you!