I had my RnY in November of 2008, so I am swiftly approaching my four year anniversary.
I did well... for the first six months, because that's the effortless time when you lose no matter what you do. I went from 350, down to about 250. I had energy; my diabetes disappeared. My GERD went away. I was happier than I'd been in a very, very long time.
And then I hit a wall.
At first I stayed steady at the 245ish mark. I couldn't lose, but I wasn't gaining. Then, slowly the weight started creeping back on. I won't lay the blame on anyone else but myself, though living with an enabler didn't help. I mostly blame my depression (I've been very recently diagnosed as bipolar II) and the fact that I have Asperger's Syndrome (which presents its own special problems with making oneself get anything done).
Now, almost four years later, I'm sitting back at 288.
My GERD is back. And apparently, so is my diabetes--and with a vengeance. I had no idea how badly, I just knew that for the first time I was constantly thirsty and constantly going to the bathroom (I never had those symptoms the first time around, oddly). I took it for granted, didn't get the Rx filled that I had been given--until I went in for a tubal ligation a couple days ago. They almost couldn't do the surgery because my 12 hour fasting glucose was 248.
I nearly fell off my chair when they told me that number (I hadn't been checking because those glucose testing strips are way expensive).
I feel like I've made the worst decision of my life, getting this surgery. The things I had wrong with me have come back worse than they ever were when I was 60 pounds heavier. I struggle with my calcium a lot because I don't take my supplements like I should (it's a struggle with the Asperger's because I hate to take pills) and now my teeth are developing issues; I can only imagine my bones aren't happy either.
I feel truly stuck, lost, and like a failure. I feel like I can't get back on track with any of this, because I've obviously already done so much damage by allowing myself to put this weight back on, by allowing myself to stretch out my stomach so I can eat a whole burger and fries, by taking advantage of the fact that I never got sick from consuming sugar like i thought I should.
I feel like I should just give up and sit down and eat myself back up to 350 again, since I've already been slowly going that way anyway. Only now I've damaged my body, modified it surgically, caused nutrient depletion and damage in other ways.
I don't understand why the diabetes is so bad all of a sudden after being "cured". I don't understand any of it at all.
Has anyone else had this happen? Does anyone know how or why it would? It doesn't make sense, I need it to make sense. :(