Almost 4 Years Post Op...Regrets, I Have A Few

I wouldn't agree that "most people" here are "loyal to their surgery no matter what"

I do think that there is a tendency to want to "dance with the one that brung you" ... or in other words, once you've made a choice and been under the knife, there's a desire to justify your choice as "the best" .... and it should BE the best choice.... for YOU. But I've seen a lot of the flush of success in the early years fade to a realization that this isn't a sprint, or even a marathon, this is a lifetime change. There's no getting off this merry-go-round, and we're signed up for a lifetime of following rules. For myself, though, it's not a diet, and perhaps if I had embraced exercise, I wouldn't be regaining.

I don't see many people here who are trying to convince others that they should choose RNY and never look into all of the options. It hasn't been that way to me since even before I had surgery, though the "surgery wars" were more frequent the year I had my surgery than they've become now. (I am, I admit, far more selective in which threads I open, so perhaps i miss a lot of these things)

I'm currently fighting some regain and frustrated by following teh rules and gaining. Not changing what I am eating, and yet gaining. dropping my calories... and gaining. It's frustrating. This surgery is certainly not a long-term magic wand. I still think it's the BEST surgery (for ME, and MY needs).

It would be neat if we had a WLS crystal ball that shows our future in each situation.... having NO WLS, LapBand, VSG, DS, and RNY. If we could see how our long-term results would be with each, and how we would have to live our lives to maintain that loss long term (or even if we could maintain the loss).... we would be able to make a truly educated choice in order to have the future that we consider the best.... we might choose one that landed us at a size 14 over one that might land us at a size 8 if the life and future at size 14 was one we could realistically accept over the future that would get us the size 8.... I'm not sure I make sense here, but I just wanted to say that I certainly am not one to suggest the RNY to just anyone who asks. It's a tough choice, and it should be based on teh maximum information. 

I always caution those who have a couple of options they are trying to decide between NOT to ask people in EITHER surgery type for their opinion, but rather, to read through the forums, read the PROBLEMS people have, try to determine what sounds more likely to be something they could live with. People naturally want to sell the surgery to others that they have been successful with, but the difficulties are the real test of which surgery is best for an individual. I don't presume to know what will work the best with others' lives. Only they can know.  

 I'm so sorry for your lost, and congrats on the toddler!. I bet he is keeping you very busy!

Im no help with your complications, I asked about a reversal today only 9 weeks out.

 Sorry to hear of your loss and frustrations with your surgery. It sounds like you could use some therapy, not only for the bulimia but also for your loss. I know you've gone through your grieving process with family and friends, but not many people have lost a child. You need to be on your A-game for your son, not just physically, but mentally as well. 

I know you're working your butt off between compliance and exercise, but maybe you need to jump-start things with a new workout? Add some more cardio? 

Believe me, it is frustrating to have to work hard at losing or maintaining your weight, when others have an easier time with it. I know I couldn't be a grazer--I'd balloon up in no time! LOL 

Are there any other factors you're not considering, like other health issues, the start of menopause, etc. ? Just throwing that out there because my mother was thin her whole life--until she started menopause. She easily gained about 50-60lbs. in just a few years, and she's been struggling to get rid of it for a very long time. She's now diabetic so that makes her weight loss difficult, too. 

I hope you are getting the mental help you need to deal with your bulimia. It is a serious issue. Also counseling can help you deal with your regret and to help you find peace within yourself. You can always look into revising to the DS. I know of several people who have done that.

How many calories a day are you eating? Most people here seem to eat 1200-1600 in maintenance. I think it's important for all of to share our stories. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

I wish you well.

I agree Laura... it's hard to come here and share struggles. Recently I shared my struggles and it took me more courage than it SHOULD take to share that. But if you have trouble, it's hard to share, because you know that some -- in the early stages and the wonderful flush of success -- don't see how hard it will eventually be, and might feel that fault or blame must exist in that person's struggles. It's difficult to realize that one can be successful at losing it all and yet unsuccessful at keeping it off, even when nothing at all changes but the weight!

I think that more people like the OP who post the long-term story the better. Newbies who are still deciding need all the information they can get, and not only on the wonderful early victories, but also the long-term difficulties as well as triumphs.

This life-time of living the reality isn't nearly as easy as it seems

Oh, and I was HUNGRY today

First time in almost 4 1/2 years. But then again I was on my feet yesterday from 6 am until 4 pm, and today I was on my feet from 7 am until 3:30 pm. Perhaps it's down to the fact that my 1100 calorie diet is just not up to the task of fueling that much energy expenditure.

I agree. Sadly most here "quit" this forum when they're a few years out. Many are still successful and many are not.

I especially appreciate those of you struggling who share your stories. We all have a lot to learn here. More people need to stick around.

PS I'm always hungry. Since day one. And not just "head" hunger, real hunger.

 Your post has been extremely insightful. I don't feel quite so alone. Just achingly frustrated.

I'm sorry about your struggles. It doesn't seem fair, does it? We reroute our guts and still have to worry about our weight.  If I were in your place I might be posting the same thing.

I was repeatedly told it was a tool and that there was a weight loss window and I better get it all off in that time. Well, I didn't. My body found its own comfort zone about 30lbs more than I would have preferred. I'm sure that's not uncommon. And I didn't even get pregnant. I imagine I'd have baby weight too. Have you considered a revision to the DS? 

 I actually have considered. I think about it often but I'm not sure about the insurance factor at this point. Also, I know I'd have to find a new surgeon; mine would never agree to it. How sad to have come this far just to get another surgery, but it's certainly on the table for negotiation.

Revisions aren't that uncommon. I wouldn't want to have another surgery either, but if I was still unhappy with my weight and needed it, I'd do it if insurance would cover it.

I wouldn't have the same surgeon anyway -- for my own reasons. Don't get me wrong, mine is absolutely gifted with a scalpel and I've had zero complications for 5 years, but I know now what I want out of not just a surgeon but his entire bariatric team.