Dealing with deployed husband's jealousy in a loving way?

I have lost 175 pounds so far. I still have a LONG way to go, but I do look alot better than I used to at 340 pounds. My husband is deployed and is super jealous. He is always asking me who I talked to, what was said, why I tipped the pizza guy $5, just silly questions like that. I know he is just stressed about being deployed and not being able to take care of me and the kids, but his constant worrying about my faithfulness is really getting on my nerves. How do I reassure him that I am 100% faithful in a loving way when I already text him, e-mail him, and oovoo him every day for several hours a day? I think that just because he is more attracted to me, he thinks everyone is, and that's not true at all! Thank God we only have a few weeks left before he comes home!!!  

You have done an amazing job and he knows it and he no doubt hates being away from you. You are a very hot woman and he is so far away and worried about all the "what If's" and feeling insecure.  Just remind him of your feelings and ask him to trust you.
 
I'm sorry he is acting this way and good thing he's coming home soon so he can relax and enjoy your life together!!!

Continue what your doing and consider it flattery.  Your changing and he isn't with you.  It's much like having a baby and the deployed parent missing out on everything the child is doing.

Also, the infidelity and divorce rate is high in the military due to long separations.  So  I can see why he would be worried but soon he'll see that you only have eyes for him.  I am the spouse of a retired career military man and mother of 3 children.  One served in the military and the other two married military men.  Both divorced because of their men being unfaithful while deployed.  Many of our friends divorced for the same reason but is wasn't just the military member being unfaithful.  One of ours  is happily remarried into the military.   We also have numerous friends like us that enjoyed a long military career and celebrate  wedding anniversaries year after year.  We've been going strong 37 years!

I don't think jealousy is flattery, not at all.  Extreme jealously can become emotionally abusive, but even if it's not to the point of being abusive or controlling, it's about the jealous person being insecure and flattery isn't about insecurity.  Jealous often expresses a lack of trust, too, and I am not flattered when someone doesn't trust me.

I too am glad you only have a few weeks before he comes home. BUT, if this behavior continues, you guys need to get counseling immediately. If you're not hinting in some way that you're getting attention from other men (i.e., playing mind games--which I hate), then he has no reason to be hounding you like that. Yes, I can give him a bit of a pass because he's deployed, but past that, what he's doing is emotionally abusive. JMO.

 He's gotta do some head-work to rein in his insecurity. You CAN'T do all the work on reassurance - most of that is what he's gotta do inside.

I know you used the term jealous in your post but until he returns and you see his actions in person you could be confusing jealousy for separation anxiety, loneliness, missing you, or just being curious about your daily activities.  Keeping up with what your doing may help him if he is in a war zone.  I'm not saying it isn't possible to be jealous but you need to wait till he comes home to know.  I don't think a little jealousy is bad as long it doesn't become abusive.  Often being protective of our relationships is seen as jealousy. 

I don't feel questions about  who you talked to and what you talked about equal jealousy.  If you correspond frequently and for long periods (you state several hours a day)  it is not unusual to talk about anything and everything.  Switch places with him and ask yourself if you'd be curious as to his daily activities including who he was communicating with.  I would be. This may be his way of being interested in what you are doing or keeping the conversation going.

When my husband was TDY for long periods we talked about such things and it wasn't out of jealousy.  However, we didn't have the forms of communication available to us that you have today so our conversations were usually 15 minutes when he was deployed overseas.  The military member was allowed a 15 miinute phone call stateside when they could get away to place a call.  We didn't have cell phones, Skype or email so if I wasn't home when he called it was sad for both of us. 

Aw, sweets. First of all, some people will say that jealousy is a sign of love. I call shenanigans. Jealousy is an ugly emotion and signals control and mistrust, neither of which has any place in a healthy marriage.

My husband's been deployed the last 18 months, and we have 6 left to go. We've got two kids that he misses badly, so I know firsthand how tough it can be on our men and women when they're away. But that's still no excuse for putting you through the third degree over every little thing. There's a big difference between interested conversation and an accusatory interrogation. Obviously, you know the tone better than we ever will, so it's up to you to decide which it is.

Truth is, there's really nothing you can do to alleviate his worries. He's either going to trust you, or he's not. Nothing you do or say is going to change the situation if he doesn't. If phone time is limited, your best bet might be to take a minute and compose a heartfelt email, laying it all on the line. Tell him how his questioning makes you feel, and be honest and firm, but loving.

Then when he gets home, I strongly suggest marital counseling. I'm not insinuating there's a major rift in your marriage or anything--just that a deployment can cause a lot of communication breakdowns, especially when a major change like WLS has been going on while you're apart. When my husband came home from a year in Korea, we signed up for 12 weeks of counseling to try and heal some of the holes in our communication, and it worked beautifully. We're closer than ever now, even after a second deployment and 18 months apart.

Good luck!

The statistics on military deployment infidelity is shocking. He is probably just worried. He has reason to be, not anything you are doing, just what he hears from others around him who ARE dealing with a cheating spouse. Try not to be too hard on him.