Confessions and Reconciliation

I am 2.5 years post op and never quite reached my weight loss goal. Due to a major traumatic event that interrupted my weight loss journey at about six months in, I did not use the opportunity during the "honeymoon" phase to the fullest advantage. Now, I struggle with weight regaining and loss of control. I feel that its as if I never had the surgery and eat the same amounts as pre-op, with the exception that I am always hungry again shortly after a meal. I try to follow the rules, no drinking, getting water at prescribed times ect, but feeling quite out of control. I have even resorted to giving in to cravings for cakes, candy anything sweet....unfortunately, had no problems tolerating those evil doers. I need to regain the control before I blow everything and I am right back at where I started. Here is my full list of confessions and what I am going to do to deal with it. Any additional suggestions from you guys would be fantastic and appreciated......don't need to beat me up though, I know I've messed this up for myself.

1. I was diagnosed with a rare cardiomyopathy and used that as an excuse not to exercise. Although I know there are some restrictions on what I can and cannot do, there is no excuse to sit on my butt every night waiting for the weight to pile on. I must get away from the TV because it feeds my eating disorder. I will limit my TV time to no more than 1.5 hours and get out walking every night. 

2. I will get a functional scale because when I don't monitor my weight gain and loss, it ONLY creeps upward. When I see the weight adding and adding every week, that is inventive to stay on top of it. Historically, I put the scale away and that has allowed me to ignore weight gain. 

3. Meal Planning. I lead an exhaustive life with heavy duty responsibilities and I often resort to grocery store runs for things I shouldn't eat and/or resort to snacking because I am too lazy or unprepared for preparing a meal. Since my surgery, I have been preparing two meals every night, one for my children, and another for me. This has to stop and the boys can choose to eat what I am preparing (or a version of with additions as they are underweight) or they can go without. 

4. To go with meal planning, no more sugar or treats or chips or any of the above noted crap in the house. If the boys want the occasional treat, they can go out for it. Even if I give them money to treat themselves once in a while, it will still save me considerable money in weekly grocery bills and there will be no temptation in the house. 

You say you "feel" as if you never had surgery and can eat the same amount as pre op.  The amount you can eat isn't a feeling, though.  Either you can eat the same amount as pre op or you can't.  If you are really able to eat the same amount as you could before surgery, you need to see your surgery right away.  Something is very wrong if that's the case.

Otherwise, I think your plan outlined here is a good one.  I tend to be lazy and if I don't have healthy foods readily available, I will eat junk.  Especially if the junk is easily available.   Mostly I control what I eat by controlling what I have in the house and ready to grab the instant I get hungry.

Do you attend a WLS support group?  If not, that might help.

Like Kelly said if I have junk in my house it is much harder to resist. I don't keep anything but the necessities at home. Your family might benefit from such a change too. Nobody needs to eat junk food no matter how much they weigh. 

 

You may want to see a mental health professional too, and see if you can find a healthier coping mechanism than food. 

In the end you have to decide that you love yourself more than food. I know it's easier said than done though. 

Good luck to you.  I admire your picking up the ball and going for the goal

Well, you are acknowledging that you have drifted from plan, and vowing to get it back together. First step, see your surgeon to assure your WLS tool is still intact and there to help you. I would also recommend weighing and measuring all of your food, and tracking your intake with something like myfitnesspal app. Weight yourself daily - or if you are back in control, maybe weekly. I weigh daily now that I am trying to stay in maintenance mode, but weighed weekly during weight loss journey. Put your exercise or walking clothes and shoes at the foot of your bed, and get in the habit of putting them on - that's the first step to getting out the door. You know what you need to do - now you just have to do it, and you can. This forum is great for support and information so keep coming back and leaning on those that have experienced what you are going thru now.

Hi Monique, don't beat yourself up. It sounds like you are taking the right steps. I think the first part of this is paying attention. It's so easy to just forget about all that we went through to get here. Support is very important. If you can't get to a group, keep us in the loop on how you are feeling. Keeping the junk out of the house is important. My issues with food didn't go away because I lost weight...I think they magnified. I did go see a counselor, and that helped me. We have your back!

betty

Meal plan and track your foods. Seriously, write down every single thing that goes into your mouth. Everything.

I have found that I have to make hard and fast rules about when and where I can eat. No eating and reading/internetting/TV. Only eat at the dining room or kitchen table while seated. Plus portion control.

Make specific plans for exercising. Like, "I will walk for xx minutes after dinner every other night" vs. nonspecific goals of just walking. And track your progress in this area. 

Also, if you haven't already, make an appt with your surgeon to see if he has a program or some ideas to help you get back on track. He wants you to succeed because your success makes him look good. Use your resources. and a support group is a also a great idea.

Good luck!

Monique,

I think you've taken the first of probably very many steps yo'll end up taking to change your mindset, and kudos to you for doing so.  You've set some S.M.A.R.T. goals (those are goals that are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely).  I think Kelly's suggestion about finding a support group is a very good idea to.  I'd also suggest associating some timeframes with the goals you've stated. 

With an outline of what you want to achieve, and putting the focus back into affirmative behaviors, you can be successful.  I find that once you are in the "groove" it's easy to stay in the groove.  And it takes about 60 days to fully implement a new habit (not the 21 that everyone usually quotes), so keep up the strong work.  Make sure to give up the "all or nothing" thinking and keep plugging away at developing and sticking with those goals.  Success is ready to be had -- go for it!