I'VE TURNED INTO A MONSTER ON THE PRE-OP DIET
Hey all,
It's me... again! :-)
I am currently on day 6 of 20 of my pre-op Optifast diet. This is one of the hardest things that I have ever done, but I am managing, for the most part. I found day 2 and 4 REALLY hard, and the rest have been somewhat tolerable. I am also finding that being at work is easier than being at home. That being said, when I get off work at 4:30 p.m., is when I seem to turn into a monster. I cry on my way home, I am craving certain foods like crazy (pizza, pasta and of all things, a Big Mac).... I have cheated (and I'M NOT PROUD OF IT).... Last night's cheat was 3 dill pickles, the night before was about 8 bites off of a head of broccoli. The reason I cheated with these things is because I have seen that most people are allowed those 2 things (amongst a few others) while on their pre-op Optifast diet. I feel like I become desperate.
This morning was the worse though!! My dog peed on the floor, not once, twice or 3 times, but FOUR times before I went to work. He does this occasionally, but not often!! He has been checked by the vet previously and everything is A-OK! His problem, he gorges himself on water, and then creates a lake when he feels like it. I TURNED INTO A MONSTER. Damaged the house, was screaming, crying, and was the only one home. Once that was resolved I drove to work, and was late of course, but had lots of time to think on my way there.
I am feeling very alone. I go to work, come home and straight to bed... that's not at all who I am. I like to go out shopping, go for a drive, visit friends, etc. I feel so jealous that my friends are all out enjoying this time of year, and I literally have to park my ass in bed so that I can avoid foods, sadness, etc. I feel depressed, I feel sad, and I am so frustrated. My parents call me every night to check in on me, my husband is doing everything he can to make this more tolerable, but I have only received texts from one friend.. ONE! I figured more people would care to see how I am doing.
The way I feel is indescribable. I am just so jealous of everyone else who isn't fat, and who doesn't have to go through this mess.
I know that I have a long way to go, and I hope that this eventually gets easier on my mind, body and soul. I feel like I am at "the straw that broke the camel's back."
Sorry to vent about this same subject again, but I feel so alone, and I need to vent and talk to someone!!!
THANK YOU!!!
I don't know if it helps, but I remember these feelings. I had my surgery last December, and my pre-op diet fell exactly at Christmas time -- and truthfully -- that just sucks, doesn't it. My husband and his whole stinking family is naturally thin. I mean, there is not ONE fatty in the bunch -- NOT ONE TOKEN CHUBBY one -- and it isn't as though they are morally superior, either. They eat like pigs and I remember thinking about how unfair it all is...
But, life isn't fair, is it? You know that.
So here's my advice: realize that this is a great time to really reflect on your life, your relationship with food and about what you really want from your life. If you are anything like me, I was pretty much addicted to food. It was a source of entertainment, comfort, celebration, depression relief, party centerpiece, etc. But really? Food is really just a source of nutrition. You can still enjoy going out with your friends, this time of year, and not go to bed -- and if you can't, that is the relationship to food you need to examine.
I am not going to lie to you: this pre-op diet is one of the most difficult parts. But, there is something very good about it, too. This is an amazing ride. Don't forget to look out the window and enjoy the view on the way.
You got this friend!
"What you eat in private, you wear in public." --- Kat
Anything helps, thank you so much!
Congratulations on your surgery. Yes, having it at this time of year does SUCK, however, I keep trying to tell myself that there really will never be a good time. Doesn't that seem so unfair, that everyone around you can eat anything they want and stay thin thin thin? I just got married in Jamaica last week, and we had 40 people with us, and it was torture for every girl there to look so amazing, and me to feel like a damn beached whale. As much as my friends think they understand, they NEVER will.
I have seen a quote on here multiple times and I feel like it describes me perfectly: I lived to eat not ate to live. I LOVE food, LOVE LOVE LOVE. I think that I need to just wrap my head around the fact that this is only temporary, and that you're right, I can still go out and enjoy my evenings. I seem to get in such a bad mood by the time I am heading home though that all I want is my bed. My friend has since asked me to come over to watch movies tonight, and my mom and I are going out tomorrow to get grain for the cattle, and to pick up a list of things I need/want, hopefully seeing food everywhere isn't too much tortore to handle. My relationship with food is horrible, and I recognize that... it's trying to change it that is the struggle.
I agree, this is one of the most difficult things I have EVER done, but I will get through it.
Thanks for your support! It is sooooo appreciated!
Robyn
Hey Countrybella ,
First off let me just say that you are not alone in this !! I am currently on day 9 of 20 ,and I certainly feel like I am overly emotional also . I feel like I go up and down several time throughout the day between " I can do this I feel great " ...to" Jeezo let me EAT please !!!" ....... I find that the routine is helpful to me , I plan out what I'm gonna have in the morning ( tea , shake , water ) ....and same for the rest of the day . I have an OXO drink twice a day and I look forward to that cos it feels more satisfying . I too have had a couple of nibbles here and there ; tuna while making my son's sandwich ( like a teaspoon , yesterday I made a small pork roast for them and had a little piece of pork, and I stole a carrot stick also when packing his lunch last week . I refuse to beat myself up about that , as I think ANYONE would do it ! My hubby was there when I stole the small piece of pork and he gave me crap , I stopped him in his tracks and asked him if he could go without putting any type of food in his mouth for 7 days ( I was on day 7) and he actually thought about it and said noway ! And he has zero weight issues .
I am very aware of why this diet needs to be done though , so that really helps keep me in check when it comes to those little.nibbles . For the most part ,I know I am successfully shrinking the fat around my liver and there ( fingers croscrossed ) should be no problems when it comes to my surgery .
The other thing that keeps me going is seeing the weight come off and feeling much better already . According to my scale as of this morning , I have lost 18 lbs since last Tuesday morning . I know a lot of that would be water weight , but still ..it's a loss . So when I feel like cheating , I think about that scale and whether or not I want to see it go down more or not .
I find at night that I'm so busy with my boy and house stuff that it keeps me going until dinner is out of the way and I feel ' safe ' to sit down , that's when I have my second OXO and I've been allowing myself a small can of diet Pepsi , and a water ....In front of my shows .
I feel for you dear , and I know exactly how you are feeling , but you can do this ! Time is flying by and the surgery will be here before you know it . Things will be hopefully be easier too once it's done . But you just need to know that you are not alone , we are in this together and there is so much support on here for you when you need it . If you want to add me as a friend you can message me any time .
P.S have you tried Sf Popsicles or jello to curb the munching craving ? That may help too .
Hang in there , 6 days down already , you can do it ! 
Jax x
Jax,
Thank you so much for your reply!! I hate to say it, but I am so relieved to hear that I am not the only one on the 20 day pre-op. Seems like everyone who writes, replies, comments, or that I read about only has to do a maximum of 2 weeks, often only a week or 24-48 hours. I realize that it is to make sure that the surgery goes well, that our liver's are shrunken, etc. but all of these pre-op diets are SO different - seems so weird.
Overly emotional is definitely exactly how I feel - at times I am the same, I think I've totally got this, and other times I wonder if I should just call it all off. That would be a really stupid thing to do since I waited SO long for this and know that it is going to significantly improve my life and looks.
I think that's part of the hard part, there is no variation. I mean, I can slip in some flavoured extracts, or different flavours of Jello, but I find it all so BLAH! I find the broth disgusting...until I get a few sips in and then its tolerable, and somewhat nice to have something hot.
I am so glad to hear that it is normal to sneak the odd thing here and there. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you having to make meals for the kids and hubby! I am very fortunate that my husband makes his own lunch and is opting for soup in the evenings to help me - with kids, you don't have much of an option! WOW, good for you for having so much will power! That's HUGE!
I agree, I am also very aware of why this needs to be done, and yes, that does help me not cheat (most of the time).
The batteries in my scale are broken, so I can't even see that I am losing at all, which sucks, because that might make things a bit easier, and give me more of a push! We only discovered it was dead the evening we left for Jamaica, and I started this the morning I got back. I am going out with my mom tomorrow and I plan to pick up a new scale! I am a bit disappointed that I wasn't able to see my starting weight though.
I really should be busy in the evening with house stuff, but I feel like I would rather just go to bed. The house REALLY needs to be cleaned, but we need to do groceries first to get some floor cleaner and stuff. That will be my hubby's job for now because going into a grocery store is awful. Maybe I could grab some of it tomorrow while running errands and then clean Saturday morning.
Are you allowed a diet pepsi on your plan? I'm not, but again, not allowed the pickles either - but they made such a difference.
Thank you so much! As much as I hate that you are going through this too, it is so nice to know that you are feeling much the same and that we each have each other to talk to and for support during this crazy hard time.
I have tried "no sugar added" fudgesicles (don't think I am supposed to have them)... but I have literally been to Giant Tiger, Shoppers, several grocery stores and convenience stores and called walmart as I was sick of driving around and NO ONE HAS THEM! :( at least with the fudgesicles they give me the sensation of eating, and they're delicious. I have read in some of these blogs that some people eat them before and after so might not really be a big deal, but I want to follow the process as closely as possible.
What date is your surgery? And where? I noticed you're from Canada... Me too!!
THANKS FOR ALL YOUR KIND WORDS, HELP & INSPIRATION!!!
Robyn xx
Hey no problem !
And yeah , I'm in Ontario , did you know there is an Ontario board on this forum ? It's very busy and worth a look , I ' hang out' there mostly but I surf the other boards too for a read !
My surgery is Dec 16th at 8 am , in Toronto Western . I'm not sure of the surgeon yet , I had been going through Humber River with Dr Klien but he was extremely backlogged , so in order to get us in a little quicker some of us were transferred to TWH . I'm so glad cos it was looking bleak for a while there. My referral was sent in August 2013 , my final surgeon appointment was beginning of Sept 2014. And I was possibly looking at surgery next June 2015 !!!!!! That would have been almost 2 years ! So yeah ....very thankful :)
Fudgsicles sound yummy , I haven't really tried anything else , not even jello ! Apart from those little nibbles I've had , I've pretty much stuck to liquid . So yeah , boredom is setting in ! I may try the jello thing this weekend but I'm not a fan so it's not really calling to me . And yeah , we are allowed diet pop on our plan , but my NUT advised against it if I could . I had a major diet Pepsi addiction before , so to be honest I'm very pleased with myself that I've managed to kick it for the most part . Just that one at night , I'm not quite willing to let go of it yet , but I know I will afterwards ! I have to ....no room for bubbles !!!!
Anyway , good talking with you :) If you've not already , check out the Ontario forum , loads of lovely peeps on there !
Hang in chicky , we can do it !
Jax xx
