Another month away...OT...relationships

I was so excited about finally meeting a nice guy.  He is attentive, intelligent, and good looking.

I met him 2 weeks before my surgery.  He is a great kisser. 

The problem is he works, alot.  He has been gone for a month working on an oil rig.  He texted to this morning.  Now he is going to California for 28 days or more.  I won't even get to see him before he leaves.

My mom and sister go straight to "he is lying or he is married".   My.mom says I should be glad because I will have lost more weight by time he FINALLY comes home.

I am depressed and deflated.  I was so excited about having a new relationship. Now I am back to just having time and more time on my hands.

Okay, it's the cynic in me, but I'm with your mom and sis on "he's lying or he's married" and it's probably married.  The internet is a wonderful thing - gather up what information you have on him and do a little research.

In the meantime, you're not committed to him.  Go out and keep circulating.

 Maybe I'm just more on the positive side.. but are there any red flags to even indicate he's lying/married? Take a good long look at your relationship (no matter how short). If it's adding up in your head - I wouldn't be discouraged and assume that he's lying. Some people are gone for work for long periods of time. Granted, I don't know anything about the oil rig business. If he becomes hard to get ahold of or his story changes a lot - then you should be concerned.

I'm with your mom's positive note - you're gonna look even more fabulous when he gets back!

Oh my goodness... I can so totally understand!  I met a good guy a month before surgery... he was really sweet at all, but worked a lot too (not as muc as yours!).  I will say, I really wanted a relationship and I let it start to build up to more in my head than it was.  Luckily I caught myself in time and took a step back... it turns out that we are just really good friends (who fool around...).

I have since met another guys... it's in the early stage, but it feels like a better fit so far.

I really fought that blah let down that comes when a new relationship has a bump... but it is so much easier than done!

(((hugs)))

So if we take him on his word... is this a long-term career for him, working on oil rigs? Would you be able to be in a long-distance relationship, even married with his kids? I know it's exciting because it's new, but think about the long term too...

Sorry your new guy has to work so much, but as a former Marine wife I can tell you to try and look at the positive.  He may be gone for a longer time then most men but you and him will have so much fun catching up with each other every time he returns.  If you work at not feeling bad about the separation it can be awesome the homecomings.  The first few days or weeks it's understandable to be sad but now start planning for his return and all the kissing and fun things you will get to do again.  If he is worth it, then just work with what you got and try not to stay down too long... The phone is a great things you can learn so much about each other talking and then when you are together again it's that much better.  I did this for 13 years and 3 deployments and separations for 6 months to a year apart and we have been married now for 22 yrs and are stronger than ever.  Good luck for you and your guy :) Best wishes.

Touching on what someone else said, who the heck wants to be by themselves and parent by themselves. I would want my partner/husband/spouse to be there for me emotionally and physically every day. And if I wanted to raise kids myself I would have them myself, alone.

Listen, your world is just opening up. There will be many more good kissers in the future. Focus on you, your journey, doing the best you can with everything and your life and relationships will fall into place. They will be beating down the door soon.

I know MANY of us have SETTLED for what we can get, been in the wrong relationships because of it. You dont have to settle for a part time boyfriend.

I work in the oil & gas industry offshore so I can tell you first hand that the 28 day schedule is right.
It is a very demanding job and you are gone alot. But I look at it on the positive side, people tell me alot how can you be gone for a month at a time, I tell them I am gone a month but I am home a month as well, so instead of looking at it as he works alot you can say he only works six months out of the year! I don't know many people who work six months out of the year and more often than not make more money than people who work on land all year long. I also agree with Marcia on that when you are apart for a while you get to really miss your partner and it makes it just that more special when you are together! Most of the time you have phone and e-mail to communicate and you can talk on the phone or chat as long as you want. I say if you like this guy and you think there is a connection and a possibility it could work out I would give it a chance, as long as you keep a positive outlook on the situation and TAKE YOUR TIME with building a strong foundation for your relationship ( I unfortunately know this from first hand experience as well) everything will be just fine. In summary, this relationship just like any other regular relationship will be as good as you and your partner want it to be. I think if you both put in the effort it could work out to be GREAT! I'm sorry for such a long post but this subject kind of hits a nerve with me. I wish you the best of luck!    John

"Now I am back to just having time and more time on my hands."

Please develop hobbies or get involved in other interests that take up that time. You will be bringing that much more to the relationship by having YOUR OWN life and interests that you can then share with your boyfriend.

Thanks for all the posts. 

I have been thinking about him all afternoon.  He is worth waiting for. 
It is not about having him here to help raise a child...I have a 4 year old and I been doing that by myself since she was 10 weeks old.    I trust him..he has not given me any reason not to.  He calls and texts me everyday.  I grew up with a Dad working in the oil field so "being on my own" is not a problem. 

I will do some more investigating....