Disappointment and a strange NSV?
Today was a super hard day. I only got 2 hours of sleep before I had to get up and take my car to the shop, I then finished the homework I left undone from the night before and made my way to class. I'll just explain I HATE THIS CLASS. It makes me super cranky just thinking about having to go to it, let alone being there. But I soldiered through, came home to change and then went to work.
Work was alright toward the beginning, and then turned into a mess toward the end of the night. Then my supervior pulls me aside and says he'd like to have a chat with me about the promotion I applied for. So we go to the office to talk and he explains that he doesn't feel like I'm ready for it and that I didn't get the promotion. It was a slap in the face. It hurt like hell to hear that after busting my ass for the last year and that they feel like I deserve it, they don't think I'm ready. But I held it together and finished out my shift.
I cried most of the 30 minute drive home. And when I got home I still hadn't eaten dinner so I needed something to eat. And what do I find when I open my fridge? A big container of left over mashed potatoes from the dinner my family made while I was at work. Potatoes are a HUGE weakness of mine. Especially mashed potatoes. They are without a doubt, my favorite food in the entire world. Since surgery I have chosen not to eat them (or bread, pasta and rice). And I will admit I stood in front of the open door of my refrigerator for a good minute or two debating whether I should just say **** it and eat them.
I am proud to say that I got out an egg and the milk and made myself a scrambled egg instead. I wanted to eat those potatoes sooo badly. I wanted to eat the pain and disappointment I felt today. But I didn't. I chose what was better for me instead of what I thought might make me feel better.
So needless to say, I'm proud. I'm proud of the weightloss I've had so far. I'm proud of the changes I'm making, physically, mentally and emotionally. And most of all I'm proud that I had a surgery that could give me the help to overcome those issues. I'm not out of the woods, I know there will be other times where I want to eat things I shouldn't. But now I know I'm strong enough not to.
Work was alright toward the beginning, and then turned into a mess toward the end of the night. Then my supervior pulls me aside and says he'd like to have a chat with me about the promotion I applied for. So we go to the office to talk and he explains that he doesn't feel like I'm ready for it and that I didn't get the promotion. It was a slap in the face. It hurt like hell to hear that after busting my ass for the last year and that they feel like I deserve it, they don't think I'm ready. But I held it together and finished out my shift.
I cried most of the 30 minute drive home. And when I got home I still hadn't eaten dinner so I needed something to eat. And what do I find when I open my fridge? A big container of left over mashed potatoes from the dinner my family made while I was at work. Potatoes are a HUGE weakness of mine. Especially mashed potatoes. They are without a doubt, my favorite food in the entire world. Since surgery I have chosen not to eat them (or bread, pasta and rice). And I will admit I stood in front of the open door of my refrigerator for a good minute or two debating whether I should just say **** it and eat them.
I am proud to say that I got out an egg and the milk and made myself a scrambled egg instead. I wanted to eat those potatoes sooo badly. I wanted to eat the pain and disappointment I felt today. But I didn't. I chose what was better for me instead of what I thought might make me feel better.
So needless to say, I'm proud. I'm proud of the weightloss I've had so far. I'm proud of the changes I'm making, physically, mentally and emotionally. And most of all I'm proud that I had a surgery that could give me the help to overcome those issues. I'm not out of the woods, I know there will be other times where I want to eat things I shouldn't. But now I know I'm strong enough not to.
Leah
I don't know that I could have been SO STRONG! You have come such a LONG way. 
Here is a round of applause for you. Congrats on the ability to face the challenge today and make the right choice. 
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