NEED HELP! To get pg or not!

Ok..kinda long so sorry in advance and way TMI

My husband and I have a 3 about to be 4 year old daughter and lately he's been subtlety and ha ha not so subtlety hinting that he wants to get pregnant. OK..thats the issue. We just got to our new duty station in San Diego on the USS Hampton also..just to fill ya'll in

I hit 300 lbs pregnant with my daughter back in 2008...and I finally made the decision to have my VSG done last January. From 312 Im down to 230 and my initial gut reaction to getting pregnant is HELL NO! I've worked so hard to get to this point not to blow back up with pregnancy. Granted..I dont think Im gonna gain 80+ lbs with a single pregnancy but its the "gaining" issue in general that ****** me off!

Its another guaranteed c section...Ive had 12 surgeries in the last 10 years including my VSG and after having one with my daughter..at least I know what its like.

My IUD was taken out due to complications that arose when it shifted..so my husband now thinks its free for all time and is Punishing me by without affection untill I give in. OH YES..I said it. Wont let me touch, hug, backscratch, kiss or any of the above untill he can have sex with me again. He's 30 and Im 29 fyi...and to me thats SO childish!

I know it was hard for us to get pregnant the first time..but that will not be the case after losing this much wait. I see sex as a guarantee pregnancy now and say no! He's so frustrated that he's become a total a** and a giant pain in mine!

Yes I want another child...but I thought I would let my weight settle..then I'd have plastic surgery to get rid of the skin thats gonna need it...and getting pregnant again well AFTER that was my plan. I just dont know what to do. Yes I want another child but jesus..I just had the VSG done last year! Its not fair to ask me to blow back up again!

What do ya'll think..I just need advice and voices of reason...Im not looking for an answer from ya'll..bc I know its a decision my husband and I would make..but he hasn't had WLS and he doesn't truly know what Im going through!

It sounds like you two have some issues to work out!   I agree it seems childish how he's acting regarding affection.  There are controlling undertones going on here.  If things aren't rock solid, maybe counseling is in order until you can get more on the same page.  There are lots of other birth control options out there... can you transition to something else until you are ready to be pregnant?

Definitely a decision you two have to reach regarding pregnancy, but I think the plastics are probably best after you are done having kids.  I imagine if you had plastics first and then had more babies, it's going to undo some of great results you got.

Anyhow, I'm considering pregnancy as well post-VSG.  I want to get to goal, maintain for awhile and then decide about getting prego.

Good luck on your decision!

I agree...you'll probably want to wait to do plastics until you're done having kids.

I started the process to get VSG a few years ago and then I got pregnant. I worked extra hard not to gain a lot of weight...I was at the gym every morning for most of the pregnancy and I didn't really increase my calories at all. I did well gaining only about 10lbs. It's possible...it takes work.

If you know you want to have kids, it might be okay to do it sooner rather than later. But it's totally a choice you have to make and something you all have to work out.

One thing I have heard is to ask yourself if you told him you would have a certain number of children when you got married? Did you talk about that? For me it was a yes I had said that. I didn't want to break my promise to him...I wanted to honor what I had said. I'm glad I did. And now we're both comfortable with no more babies coming out of this body. (we plan to adopt in a few years)

It's not the answer for everyone, but it was for us. Good luck!

For the women I have seen get pregnant before goal and to "soon" ultimately regret it...BUT...sounds like you're issues are running a little deeper and need to be dealt with before ANY new children are brought into the mix.

Before you lost weight what was both of your plan for having more children?  Do you think your husband is getting jealous?

Oh and another note definitely finish having children before the plastics...at least I would.

Ms Shell

I only wanted 1 to be honest..and I got my girl lol..but now I'm thinking that one more might not be so bad...

yes..there are issues..I think we need to go talk to a third party. I hope he's not acting this way because of jealousy...thats stupid! I think he's just "punishing" me by witholding physical contact because I wont have sex with him...childish to be sure..hoping he works that one out soon.

Sorry I see I didn't finish the thought, being jealous and therefore wanting to knock you up.

First I would decide if YOU want more and when you think it's FEASIBLE given everything and then just talk to your husband about why NOW as opposed to say a year from now.  And if you really aren't ready some birth control is definitely in order.  You are going to be super fertile now with the weight loss.

Best of everything and kudos on the weight loss.

Ms Shell

I want to say this in the most respectful and nicest way possible... you are both withholding something from the other, right or wrong, and it seems to be a mutual issue, not just his to work out.  A third party to talk to and/or an alternative form of birth control seem to be good avenues.  Hopefully you can work this out and both feel good about everything again soon!  Marriage ain't easy!

 Wow, what a predicament....

First off, I've read that it is best to wait 2 years after WLS before getting pregnant, at only one year, you may not give the baby the best shot at deriving the best nutrition from you as your body is still adjusting and recovering from major surgery and reduced capacity. This is why we have to have labs run, and why we have to take vitamins...I personally would never plan one so soon out from VSG, now if it was an accident, that's one thing, and I'm sure that there are others here that have done fine soon out from surgery, I've even read some of their threads on here.

I think the other issue, is that you really reduce your chances of getting to goal...you waste the optimum time frame for weight loss and the momentum that you have right now. Pregnancy is so hard and the hormones go all out of whack and it is hard to be diligent with eating right and exercising when you are so drained both physically and emotionally.

And like others have already said, anytime one partner is forcing the other into something they don't want or are not ready for, that is a big old red flag....and bigger issues are brewing....and withholding affection is never appropriate to get what you want out of the other person.

Good luck, if it was me, I sure wouldn't get pregnant until further out, and I'd also get hubby into some couples counseling.

Any plastic surgeon would tell you not to have plastics before your pregnancy. You would fare better to have a baby prior to plastics because you want you body to look your best forever and not stretch out your stomach after
a tummy tuck, boobs, etc.

From personal experience, let me just say that getting knocked up even after WLS doesn't mean you won't gain 80lbs. I gained a whopping 35lbs, lost 23-25lbs within 4 -5 weeks of delivery and BAM I'm knocked up again just 4 months after the delivery of my daughter, NO it wasn't planned and we were preventing. I have a VSG friend here,  who got pregnant at the same time as I did last year, we delivered two weeks apart. She got down to a size 12, maybe 14 in some clothes, with a total of 130lbs lost, and she gained over 60 pounds in the pregnancy, her daughter is just 2 weeks younger than Tatum, she's breastfeeding and has only lost 25-30lbs. I haven't breastfed since 4 weeks because Tatum is protein and lactose intolerant. Point is, just because you "think" you might not balloon up again, it's extremely possible. The good thing is that with weight to lose still, you shouldn't really gain that much, but it can happen.

Let me just tell you that, pregnancy is rough, especially if the scale starts going up. I shared on here A LOT about the physical changes, and mental issues with seeing my body grow to HUGE and the scale creep up. Also, my hunger came back with a vengeance, I was starving no matter what I ate, and there's NO low carbing to curb cravings while pregnant because ketosis can cause fetal brain damage. I flat out refused to get pregnant while obese/overweight. Simply refused. The complications and strains on your body and the baby are unneeded. Yes, I realize obese, morbidly obese, overweight women get pregnant every day, and have healthy babies, but what issues might you have during a pregnancy that are 100% avoidable if you wait to get closer to a healthy, normal weight range?  For me, it's only fair to treat my body and my developing baby the best I can while pregnant.

I'm not sure what all your surgical/medical history entails, but it sounds extensive. I have an extensive medical history as well, and let me just say, all of those appointments are draining, and I'm not looking forward to them again.

I can also tell you the hormones drove me bat**** crazy. You think your husband is being childish NOW, just wait until you are beyond exhausted, worn out, crying one minute, screaming the next. Children do not help strained marriages, and I can guarantee you that he's not going to change his mindset until you make him realize how you feel and he quits negating your feelings on this subject. It's YOUR health, and your body. I say that a lot because I really believe it's something we have to control and not allow anyone else to dictate what we do with our own bodies. I realize having children is a mutal decision. My husband wanted a child from the first year of marriage, least to say, he didn't get one until close to 4 years of marriage and 5.5 years of us being together. Why?? Because I was fat, and wasn't going to do it.

Any decent plastic surgeon will tell you to wait on surgery until you finished having children. No reason to wreck a reconstructed body with growing another human. And, I can tell you without a doubt that my excess skin served me well, I didn't gain one single extra stretch mark and while it's stretched back out, I am really grateful I waited on plastics.

I will say this because I'm not going to comment completely on your marital issues. BUT, this is YOUR Body, YOUR reproductive rights and YOUR responsibility to prevent pregnancy if you truly do not want to endure a pregnancy at this time. 

It's definitely not all daisies and rainbows. I had a great pregnancy, uneventful repeat csection, and beautiful recovery. But, the last trimester and first 2 months of Tatum's little life turned our world upside down. I also have a 13 year old son, and he was effected very negatively by my mood swings, and overall, was stressed because I was stressed. Things have settled down, and life is becoming normal. BUT, now I'm pregnant again, and this little Nugget is due just 13 days before Tatum's 1st birthday. I only stress that you have to decide what is really more important to you. Give up your wants/needs for your weight loss goals, allow your body to recover, or give in, get pregnant, have possible complications and then resent your husband because you 'might' feel as if he forced you into the pregnancy.