Just wondering....

Ok. Im ready for all the "blasts" that Im going to get from this post....However Im curious as to why whenever someone goes "off plan" why we feel we have to make a confession? Why we feel like we have committed a crime? Why we are told to forgive ourselves? This is very frustrating to me. We are living LIFE.  Eating a carb is LIFE, having a cookie is LIFE, why do we feel like we need to be told it's OK? I HAVE had all these feelings myself and I am more angry at myself for needing justification than I am for having a bite of pizza. By the way, I have done extremely well with my sleeve. I have lost 96 pounds. I eat healthy and I exercise 5 days a week, my blood work is amazing, I feel wonderful, and guess what???  I EAT CARBS!!! Yes, about 70 - 90 a day....and I have from the beginning! I know myself and I knew that I couldnt live my life with such a carb restriction. I do get my carbs from healthy foods such as fruits, veggies and whole grains. I did discuss this with my surgeon and nutritionist BEFORE surgery to make sure that surgery was the right choice for me and both have been supportive in my decision. I am lucky enough to have a Registered Dietition right at my job so that I can talk to her every day. YES, she is familiar with bariatric patients because her own mother had WL surgery.  I knew that if I cut these things out in such extreme that I would fail so the answer FOR ME was to not. I thought that this would slow my weight loss, however I have lost nearly 100 pounds in 6 months. Yes, I do see a counselor and she is the one that brought this to my attention. When I wanted an "emergency" appointment to tell her how awful I was for having a bite of birthday cake, she just about flew out of the chair. She wanted to know what I did that was so wrong? She said to me "Are you listening to yourself?" ...."YOU DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG" Then she asked me what I would say to someone that came to me to "confess" that she ate some birthday cake. My response was " I would ask her why she was wasting my time with such a silly confession". I think we need to concentrate more on our triggers, or stressers that make us overeat, or binge. NOT just normal situations where we have a little treat. We need a healthy relationship with food and to me, that means being able to eat a SMALL treat from time-to-time without beating myself up is why I had this surgery.

It sounds like YOU are following YOUR plan, which is to incorporate carbs into your life with the blessing of your NUT and others on your care team.  That's great - follow it and be happy, you clearly have no need to feel bad. Congratulations on your success, your plan, and your following of that plan, that is simply great!

Many of us are on different plans.  My Doc and Nut want me below 40g/day in carbs.  I find that easy to do, and if I do slip, i won't feel that bad about it... however there are people who are very afraid that one slip will lead to another, and they'll revert to bad habits.

I think we all need to keep in mind that we're all on different plans here... one persons confession may seem strange to another, but we should be supportive - if someone does feel bad, we can ask why, rather than tell people to not waste our time with confessions.

We are all living life the best we can.  I personally disagree that carbs will be as big a part of my life as yours - because I've run that experiment on myself for 55 years.  I think I've collected enough data on myself to know.  Having a cookie is not part of my life.  

Well, I think a lot of people like to have a group of people or "friends" to hold them accountable. I don't think they always feel like they committed a crime, but more or less got a bit off track and by talking about it they hold themselves accountable and get back on track. It also shows others that we are all in this struggle together and there to support each other. I think that's the point of a support forum. Eating a cookie is life, but for many of us it's that part of life that allowed us to get so out of control that we needed surgery to "fix" things. Every person is different in what they can eat and not eat after surgery, as well as number of carbs. Some can eat one cookie and be fine, some can't. I am one of those that can't eat just one. What works for you is great, if you don't feel the need to tell others when you are struggling then also great, but for many people they are helped tremendously by feeling that they have a large group in the same boat as them who are there to hold them accountable and support. Kind of like why weigh****chers is so popular, you weigh in weekly and have someone hold you accountable.

I understand your message of how "all or nothing" thinking is not helpful for us.  But on the other hand, people should feel free to post when they need to.  I think people post because they need to work out their own feelings about eating junk that they know is not going to help them. 

For some people, one bite of a food is too much.  For me, its cookies and crackers.  There is no such thing as one.  I've never felt the need to post here when I went off plan, but I do understand how it can induce feelings of extreme anxiety.   What if this is the beginning of a downward slide, like in the past before surgery, when I lost 50 lbs only to have a bad week and start to gain it all back?  What if nothing has changed?  What if I can't turn it around?  Those can be hard feelings to work through, and I can totally see how it provokes someone to start a thread here.

As for carbs...some people can eat them and be fine.  Many people cannot.  I'm one of them. Telling me one bite of that crap is no big deal is like telling an alcoholic that one sip of a drink is no big deal.

I've posted lots of times before that I have a much harder time sticking to plan if I eat more than 40-60 carbs/day, OR if any of my carbs are from crap like cake or cookies or crackers.  I get head hunger, real hunger, and cravings.  A "little treat" quickly turns into a trigger.  On the other hand, if I don't eat them at all, I don't think about them, and don't want them.  Rather than feeling restrictive, it is very freeing, believe it or not. 

Anymore, my "treats" are feelings, experiences, sometimes things.  I don't feel deprived, I feel healthy, happy, content. 

I think its hard to leave the 'dieting' mentality behind.  When we dieted, were 'allowed' certain things, and when we ate something that wasn't 'allowed', we felt like we cheated.  This is so different, but I find myself doing the same thing sometimes.  This is a lifestyle.  A choice we have made.  I go 'off plan' sometimes, and I am slowly learning that its okay as long as it doesn't become too frequent and out of control.  I am still in the losing phase with about 15 lbs. left to go so I want to be very mindful of my choices as I will have to be even in maintenance.

I think that you are doing great.  You are mindful of your choices, and when you choose to have a little piece of birthday cake, that's okay as long as it isn't someone's birthday every day, or you start celebrating every day that ends in 'y'. :-)

I would be interested in what a typical day of meals looks like for you.  I am a vegetarian so I have not been able to keep carbs under 40 g. as my plan called for, but this is normal for vegetarians as far as I know.  I have lost 55 lbs. since January, and that's okay with me.

Jane

 Reading the original post made me realize something - probably obvious to others... I've been reading this forum every day for over 3 months now, and it just dawned on me... There are two main groups here, with crossover, of course.  In other words people are here for two broad reasons: Support and information.  For me, information was key.  I may not be posting about NSVs or even SVs.  I like giving and receiving info, sharing data, helping people make decisions (and myself) with all the facts.

Other people are here for the support. Posting life's victories or failures is how that is engaged.

Duh, I guess, and probably totally obvious to everyone else.

This right here is my morning sermon! No need to go to church! Best post ever! AMEN!

In NO WAY did I intend to diminish the feelings of others. I am not the best speaker (writer in this casee) I myself have had these feelings soooo many times. I have lost sleep (literally) over some things I have eaten in the past. I guess that is my frustration. I dont think I should feel shame over something that I ate....especially if I have not been on a binge per say....just over a choice. I dont know if this particular post was trying to convince myself that i'm just a simple human being trying to get through a day the best way i can. I appreciate this forum and the opinions...and feelings of EVERY SINGLE PERSON. It has gotten me through many-a-day....believe me.  I just am trying to not feel SHAME when choose to eat something that is not the healtiest choice. I don't believe that is healthy. A healthy mind is just as important, if not more so, than a healthy body. I am trying to have both.

 I think that came through.  I think you're doing great!  You have a plan! You're following it.  You slip sometimes like humans do.

You shouldn't feel shame!  

Sometimes people find the confession process a good way to get rid of those feelings (I don't, but I understand the process).

Sometimes people use confession for accountability (that I may need someday!)

Some people need the emotional support in general. 

Thanks for your post. It made me think.

Some ppl just want attention .... I think we are just accountable to ourselves...