Seriously afraid now

 After reading posts today, I am seriously afraid now.  Not of the surgery and recovery and all of that, but of what may happen to my marriage.  I love my husband. He loves me. We have weathered a lot of storms together and have come out stronger, but that's not what I'm seeing here.  Please, tell me how you managed to get healthy and lose the extra weight, but still stay married.

I am very afraid at this point.

Janet

 My husband is my biggest cheerleader. I think it just depends on the kind of marriage you have before surgery. My marriage is great- hubby and I have been together for 15 years and were best friends before that. We communicate well and are working on getting healthy together. 

Hope this helps. 

 My hubby is also my biggest fan.  He is making changes right along with me.  I couldn't ask for better support!.  I hope it works out for you as well!

I haven't had my surgery yet and I wonder the same thing.  My husband started making some changes so he can help me out.  Trust me, he doesn't have to, he is not even overweight.  He asked me if I was gonna leave him after my surgery.  Jokingly, I said "I want a divorce as soon as I'm out of the hospital".  We were totally kidding, but it makes me wonder if he wanted me to stay fat so he can keep me? I hope everything is fine for everyone and I hope it works out for the both of us too!

We both did our research and he found that one of the biggest side effects of weight loss surgery was divorce.  More research showed that it was often a result of the overweight person settling either a) to marry someone they didn't really want to be with because they didn't think they could do any better or b) staying with someone that treated them like crap because they had no confidence in themselves, didn't think they deserved better or were afraid no one else would want them but after losing weight, realized they deserved better. 
We talked openly and honestly about it presurgery and both believed that we were not in either of those situations and that we would make some changes just to keep our marriage on the right track.  We have an almost two year old and we found ourselves being mom and dad more then husband and wife so we've adjusted, made sure to take time for ourselves  A marriage is ever evolving and like a car, can always use a tune up every once in a while. 
I personally feel like my increased confidence has been better for our relationship and I can tell you that he is my greatest supporter, taking care of things at home so I can work out, helping me stay on track and always telling me how proud he is.
A relationship is going to be what you make of it, never be afraid to ask for help, I'm not ashamed to say that during our time together, we've been to a marriage counselor and it was one of the best things we did for us.
Be strong, approach everything as a team and don't be afraid to actually say what you mean and what you need. 

My marriage was always strong but the since the surgery, it is even better.  Alan supported me  through everything and as always, was my best friend and cheerleader.  I don't even know if I could have done this without his love and support.  You could find that your marriage only grows from this experience.  If he is insecure or jealous or there are other issues, than there probably will be problems, but if he is a great guy and you don't feel like you settled, than you just might find that things are better than ever.

To put it bluntly, if your marriage is a good one it'll get even better. If you have a bad/weak/enabling/abusive/miserable marriage it's going to get worse - BUT you'll be a stronger, healthier person who will either do whatever is needed to improve your marriage or get your butt out the door to a better life.

Don't be afraid, Grasshopper. You're going to be fine.

*Reference to a show you've probably never even heard of, but that's ok.

    This is a little excerpt from a blog post I did this morning. My wife and I have been married for 18 years and together for 3 or 4 before that too. We have seen it all together - expect miracles, because that's what spouses deliver.

I can only speak for myself, but I'm pretty sure that my wife would start a spousal support group as well. I haven't had a cross word or mean thought in my head since I came out of the operating room (except when I wanted to kill my surgeon... earlier blog post) She has been so excited for me and so involved in every day. She started weighing her food and getting up early to go on the elliptical - not because she was a fatty - but instead, because she wants to look good for me! I'm literally welling up as I type that. My wife is stunning. Gorgeous. She could be a model. For the past 20 years, I have ruined our pictures. I have rained on our parade. I have been the blemish on her otherwise perfect face. Now, she wants to look good for me? I'm beside myself.



if you care to read the rest of the post, the link to it is here:

http://www.obesityhelp.com/member/sleevicidal_maniac/blog/2012/10/06/vsg---6-weeks/


Don't worry, you'll do awesome and it will inspire you both to better at being in love!

 My marriage has been on the rocks for quite some time.  I'm just hoping that my weight loss will make me even stronger to get through the inevitible.

I went out this weekend because I had two commitments that I NEEDED to attend and people were complimenting me like crazy.  I didn't feel ANY of it.  All I feel is a broken heart.  

I stepped on the scale this morning and I'm down another 2 lbs.  Don't feel that either.  

I know for a fact that when this is all said and done, he will blame the breakdown of our marriage on my wieght loss and not all of the other issues that have been there for the last few years.  

Good luck to you.  I wish you the best.

Great post!
I am a guy and I am going through a similar situation with my wife.  I've lost over 80 lbs since surgery (July 20th) and every once in a while my wife will ask me if I'm going to leave her.  Of course I say, "Hell no!" because I love her and if I didn't want to be with her I would have already left.  I try to convince her that I'm not going anywhere but she's afraid that I might because I am constantly being complimented in her presence about my weight loss and how great I look. I'm also hit on alot (mostly at work) more than I ever had.  While I enjoy the compliments (who wouldn't!****ep telling her that am hers and nothing will change that.

Thanks for your post! -Larry