Marriage after WLS???

I hear so many bad Stats about failed marriages after WLS? I see that my husband is already acting a little different and I still have 2 wks till my surg date. He has not really said too much or joined in ANY conversation about it. When I do directly talk to him , its almost like he is not there. Any suggestions on how to get through without a failed marriage? ( I was NOT big when I met him) so its not like he does not know what to expect 

My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years and things are a little different since I have had surgery. When I told him about the surgery he said that it was not something that he would do not meaning that he did not agree with it but that was all he ever really said. I had made my decision that I was going to have the surgery whether he supported me or not but he really has been great. The one thing that bothers him is that one thing we use to do as a family is go out to eat and I really do not enjoy that much now. I might go but I do not eat and that bothers him. Although there are many options out there for me to have i am not ready to really take that step very often. 

Due to prior obligations and having to keep our son he was unable to go to the hospital with me but my mom went and he called to make sure everything went ok and that I was fine. Since I have been home from having surgery 7/25/12 he always makes sure that what I am eating is something that I can have and he also wants to make sure that I take my vitamins. I think that they all have to find their way to deal with us making the decision that is for us and not them. It is a very big decision and he was worried about my health afterwards and I had to explain that my health prior to surgery was something that needed to get better and to me that was more detrimental to my life. I am very open and honest with him about how I am feeling and I think that him checking on with me is his way of helping. 

Hope this helps and good luck,

Danielle

I have a successful marriage post surgery, but I had a successful marriage before surgery.

I don't have the magic ingredients to a successful marriage. All I can tell you is why I think mine works.

My hubby and I don't compete with each other. I want him to do his best at work and he wants me to do my best at work. If he gets a promotion, we whoop it up. I work for myself, so my successes are measured a little differently, but we still whoop it up. I am never negative to him. He is never negative to me. Never has he EVER said I looked anything but beautiful, no matter what weight I've been at. I do the same thing for him. My husband is the smartest man in the world. Period. I tell him this daily. My hubby happens to also hold the gold medal in best dads. We make sure to laugh. We make sure to talk. We make sure to tell each other special things. I ask his opinion on something instead of just doing it my way. I give him a kiss or no reason. We run away from our children and just hang out.

There are things we both know. The grass isn't any greener on the other side of the fence. It's just different grass. (He said that to me once). I don't have a plan B. That means this marriage won't fail. I don't sit around and think about what I will do if he leaves me. I don't think he sits around and wonders about me leaving him.

Each day, we all go out into the world and it beats us down, smashes our noses in the pavements, and we drag ourselves, home a corpse of the person we really are. IMO, home is the place that should build us all back up - we should be able to refill our happiness to prepare for the next day.

So, to answer your question. If you have a damaged marriage now, surgery probably won't make it better. From my experience, surgery tends to shine a spotlight on other things in our lives that we might have been ignoring.

Good luck and best wishes.

Oh yeah, I've been married 17 1/2 years.

Hey, you are living my marriage, except for the fact that MY husband is the world's smartest man and the best dad in the collective universes.  I loved reading your response, and I am so happy for you and your husband.  There is nothing in the word better than a great marriage, and it's clear that you have it.  I do too.  I still get crazy butterflies when Alan walks in the room.  I still catch my breath when he gives me "that" look.  He is my very best friend, my rock, and my world.  I think I would be lost without him and I know he adores me right back.  We have been married 13 years and it only gets better.

To the OP, you really have to discuss this with him.  Ask him if he is worried or scared?   Tell him what you want from him and how you would like this to play out.  Really listen to his concerns and hold his hand through this.  Let him know that you love him, need him and want him to be there for you through this journey.  My marriage is even better than it was before surgery, and it was pretty amazing even than.  Marriages do not have to fall apart after the VSG, good marriages get even better but problem areas become more noticeable.  Good luck to you.

Must be something in the name.

The great thing about the best husband pedestal, it has room for lots of husbands. Same with the best dad pedestal.

To another 50 years of amazing marriage for both of us.

I think the three of us might have a tie going on for best husbands that are the best fathers.  lol.  Cuz that is MY husband! 

Loved your posts. 

Plenty of room for your hubby too.

Me too me too!!! 19 years this December and not without ups and downs but still here!

Add some room for mine. His post to the OP is further down. He's a great husband and father. He is also a super grandpa.

When I had my lap band I really struggled with trying to get my husbands support. It took quite awhile for him to understand my reasons for having it. I think he took it personally in the beginning assuming that either A.my having surgery looked like I had a husband who expected his wife to be thin or B. I must have been wanting attention. Over the course of time as I lost weight and helped him to see that having the surgery was about me and how I felt being heavy he got a lot more supportive. He also saw just how difficult it was as well as my commitment and how much happier I was when I lost weight. Then of course I started having complications with my Lapband and nearly didn't just regain my weight and have to start the entire surgery approval process over, I also darned near started over with keeping his support on the matter. However in the end all he has been more supportive this time round then the first. 

Like the previous poster said, I had a pretty good marriage before as we'll as after. I think like most things that hit our relationships communication is key. Also learning to roll with major changes. Not to sound biased but men do not like change much when they are comfortable and WLS can really shake things up a bit.