My weight...

My weight defines me. I mean it dictates everything about my life. It governs where I shop, where I sit in a restaurant, what kind of car I drive, and how I take vacations. I pastor a Church; and my weight dictates that I sit on a stool when I prefer to roam about freely while I preach. It affects where I can take a bath, shower, or use the bathroom. It makes sex somewhat routine and predictable. It governs the type of furniture I can fit in and be comfortable in. It also forces me to buy chairs for my living room far to often because I break them. It makes going to a concert impossible because I cannot fit into the stadium chairs. It nullifies my ability to enjoy an amusement park and means that I use an electric shopping cart when in the grocery store. Because of my weight; I have to take blood pressure medicine that makes it unsafe for me to be in the sunshine for too long. When in a pool; it is difficult for me to sink because my fat makes me buoyant. I wear slip on shoes whenever possible because it is easier to put them on my feet because of my belly. I have to sit down to go fishing because I am too heavy to stand on the bank for too long. It makes people dismiss me when they look at me even though I am highly qualified for what I do. My weight defines who I am and basically controls every aspect of my daily life and I am tired of it. 

I am schedule to have surgery three weeks from today. I don't want to have it but I want to regain control of my life! I want to regain the abilities that I have lost because of it. I want to recapture the ability to make different choices that the ones my weight forces me to make. My weight has defined me for too long and I am tired of it. I see the upcoming surgery and my way of drawing a line in the sand, putting my foot down and saying "no more" to my weight. The last 7 months I have been preparing for this event and I am finally ready to get it behind me. I am not looking forward to the liquid diet, blood tests, catheter, my belly being shaved, and being put to sleep. But, my weight has defined me for too long and I have had enough of it and am taking this step to regain control of my life.

I'm sorry for rambling a bit; but I have to write things down from time to time to get my mind wrapped around certain things. This is one of them. My weight has defined me for far too long and I have had enough of it.

Good for you Jeff!

Thanks for reading my post.

I can completely relate to how you are feeling. Congratulations to you for deciding to take this very important step. Good luck to you on your journey.

Thanks and the same to you as well.

I totally understand where you are coming from. Before up my surgery, I made notes about how my weight affected different areas of my life. It helps to go back to those lists and remember why I did my sleeve. I think you are doing a great thing! It's def. not for sissies, I have def. had to change everything I know and love about fodd. Good Luck to you!!! Keep us posted on your progress!

I think that is why I like to write notes from time to time. It helps me articulate mentally what is going on.

Thank u Jeff for your writings. It really helps me put things in perspective re my life.
I'm fearful of the surgery itself...band to sleeve revision...April 8.

Please keep writing.

T.

You'll do fine. I am glad my thoughts connected with yours.

Jeff, just one tiny glimmer for you: at 2 1/2 weeks post op, I am down a total of 45 pounds (34 before surgery and 11 since. Sex is MUCH less predictable now than it was three or four months ago and much easier on the old body. I feel like quite the young thing again!
Seriously, I appreciate your posts, they are eloquently written and speak to me. You must be an amazing pastor.
Hang in there,
Connie