OT=oldest turning 16...having Mom moments...I think I'm kinda sad...

Hello friends.

Been in a funk this week...but after some soul searching...kinda surprised to discover why.

I have 2 wonderful sons, youngest turned 13 this year...and oldest turning 16 Sunday.

They both got all A's and one B this past school year, and they play sports every season. Busy buggers ( Keeps me busy...thankfully now I can keep up with them thanks to VSG!)

Had a melancholy time with my baby turning 13 in April...but really freaking over eldest turning 16. He's been in drivers ed...and getting his permit next week. He's looking and evaluating colleges. Even has a really nice girlfriend ( I think they are too young...but she is so sweet...I think).

How do I trust that he'll make good decisions...now that I have to slowly release him? I went nuts when he went to the beach with friends Tuesday...I ate Xanax to get thru the day. The heat knocked out his phone...I couldn't contact him. I was a mess.

This is such a harsh world...now I have to trust him...trust what We've taught him...and begin to let go??? Why does this have to be so tough. Why the heck am I crying!!!! Yikes. Maybe time to see my head guy.

We're having a party for him Sunday...He asked me to rent a bouncy house...we'll have a good time.I want to celebrate him and be proud. I'm trying not to be sad. I have truly been blessed...healthy happy kids. I need to pick my chin up and be happy. I will find a way...It's all good.

 

Thanks for listening...just needed to get it out.

Peace All!

~Deb

I totally feel you my baby is turning 18 in 3 weeks I want to just hold him and tell him you cannot grow up but he is a good kid and I must trust that I raised him right. I went trough this 4 your years ago with my daughter now 22. even though our relationship has changed she is still my little girl I cherish her and know I raised her right .

so cherish every moment you have with your two beautiful children and as your relationship changes trust that you did everything right .hang in there crying is part of the course or at least I cried. I cried until I realize nothing has changed they're still my children and I know I raise them right

I hope this helps I wish you all the best

Thank you so much for that reminder to cherish.

I did realize today that 16 is tough...but they will keep growing...and 18 will come and go to!

Thank you!

My middle daughter turned 16 this week (got her license...yikes!) and the youngest turned 14 and got her permit.  I once read a great statement:

Having a baby is like having your heart beating outside of your body...and having a teenager is like having your heart beating outside of your body and not knowing where it is!

My only comfort is I also have a 25 year old daughter.  When she was a teenager she did all kinds of dumb ass things (including breaking her femur IN HALF).  Now, she is a graduate of a great school, a successful photographer, and an amazing mother herself. 

It is really about what we did, how we taught, and the examples we set.  Once they are in the teens we "get" to start letting go. Knowing this doesn't make it easier. I guess all I am trying to say is, the melancholy is normal...it sucks...but it is normal.

Anne

Thanks for you support!

When you said  that having a teen was like having your heart outside your body but not knowing where it is...I sucked in a breath! That's the feeling EXACTLY!!Thank You!!!

I have an almost-19-year old son (home for summer after 1 year away at college) and a daughter that just turned 16. It is hard because every one of their milestones is a step closer to independence.

I think it is tough because we do lose "control" over our kids. They don't always make good decisions and that's how they learn. They are also making life choices on the basis of 16 years on the planet instead of 40 or 50!

I don't think there is any magic answer except feel our feelings and keep putting one foot in front of the other. They drive, leave for college, get full-time jobs, find a partner, have grandchidren. The transition never ends.

The good part is that we now have "us" time where we can exercise, enjoy a hobby, go back to school. I think it's important to be excited about our own lives so we can put everything in perspective and not just focus on our kids.

Good luck.

I'm right here with you!  My oldest turned 16 in February.  He's a good kid, and as trustworthy as a teen can be I guess.  He still gives me hugs and a kiss before bed.    Does your son have an iphone?  I use find my iphone with all my kids, so I can see where they are.  It just gives me a little extra comfort.  They know I check on them, and I have them text or call me when they get to their destinations.  If they forget, I can log in and check.  I have also shown up a couple times at a friends house when they forget to text me.  two times showing up and saying you forgot to text so I figured I better check was all it took and now they "remember"...lol    I sure miss the cuddly baby days, but I am just trying to soak up as much of this age as I can.  It's never a dull moment!

Really???!! I can do that???!!!

We do I have iphones! Will he know if I do this? I'd like that for my own piece of mind...but I don't want him to know how crazy I am about it. I think I'll look into this.

Thanks!

It is so hard.  My daughter got married after giving me TWO DAYS notice.  (She wasn't pregnant.)    And my baby moved out in January.  He transferred to a four year college in town and will be moving back home in a few weeks though.   It is SOOOO hard to let go of them.   They bleed and we hurt.  Heck, even my DD's kindergarten was difficult for me!!!!   Hugs to you.   You will get through it.

Deb, I am sorry this is hurting your heart.  I love my kids and they are my world, so I can totally relate even thought they are small still.  Every milestone gets a bit harder.  I bet you have two amazing boys and that is such a gift to the world.  I read and reread this passage quite often.  I think it helps me understand how universal these feeling are and how hard they are for all of us.

On Children
 Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.