Rebirth is a powerful thing

There are a lot of emotions knocking on my heart's door this morning--I'm feeling anxious, and a bit overwhelmed.  I've been busy the last few weeks-getting in that last summer fun before school starting, and then school starting this week.  Today I wake up with all this weird energy (told you, MuttLover, I knew what you're feeling!)- no school today and nothing to keep me distracted and busy-thinking I'm going to have a laid back enjoyable day--- got on the scales and had lost two pounds and, at first, smiles and, "oh, I'm so close, only 3 pounds to go, bla bla..." AND THEN, the feelings--naked, raw, exposed...these are not warm, fuzzy emotions, and they are not going away.  It's two hours later and, WOW!  I intellectually know this has everything to do with reaching that so called magic goal number on the scale--what I've been working hard towards without and within WLS for two years now, and I've slowly been seeing the changes in the mirror, but, I swear, this morning, it was like someone took an egg (me)and cracked it open and spilled the contents (MY ESSENCE)  out onto the floor for consideration- and REBIRTH.  This is hard, guys.  I really thought I had been doing my homework all along- working on some of that inside stuff, and I was and I have, but evidently, there is much more to do.  Today I know what I will not do...Stuff the feelings down with food or with will power or anything else.  Guess I'll do something different---guess I'll love myself enough to feel the feelings....I'll try, anyway.

Maybe the empty feeling is a feeling of finally having the worry of weight somewhat gone? I know that was always a tripping stone for me when I would lose wight with diet/exercise. I would get to a certain weight, feel good and then panic set in. What was I going to do with myself without having the weight to worry about?  

I work with a fantastic therapist now who specializes in eating disorders and particularly binge eating. I don't know if you're working with someone but it can be a tremendous help, even if it is just for a visit or two.  

I'm so happy for you that you've gotten to your goal weight! It gives me hope for my upcoming surgery and recovery!

Whew, I'm not that close but I am close and I'm already feeling the panic start to set in about maintenance and who am I when I'm not the "fat girl losing weight" anymore.  Your post definitely goes along with Nik's article on OH main page today!

Just read the article - freaky similar!

I think it is so appropriate to compare this to "rebirth".  I've found that whenever I finish a project or meet a major goal, I feel a post-partum sadness. It was true with my kids, with work projects, and personal projects.  This goal of weight-loss has dominated my life for the past 6 months, and will dominate for at least another year.  I know there will be a feeling of loss when I reach goal.

For me, just knowing its normal helps me cope.  Often all we can do is sit with the feelings and "ride the roller coaster of lif."  It will pass, and you will be on to the next journey, the next project or goal. 

Congratulations on reaching goal.  I toast your health, your newfound energy, your strength to carry through and reach your goal.

Congratulations.

Carol

Congratulations on your wonderful success!   Perhaps it's time to find a new challenge, a new PASSION that will keep you moving forward instead of looking back. 

Great idea Tracy!  

I think it is interesting that my post is being interpreted as describing "an empty feeling", "loss", or, as in looking back.  Perhaps I am unaware or unable to interpret ( or adequately communicate) what I am feeling, but it seems more to me as if something is trying to break through, or burst forward....Don't know.  Thanks for the feedback- some good stuff to think about.