Only 4.5 months Out and Falling of the Wagon - Venting.

Ahh this is my first and hopefully last vent session. I’m exactly 4.5 months post op and things have been progressing smoothly. I have lost 43 lbs since my surgery (start weight 216) and 77 lbs overall total. I’m 38 lbs away from reaching my goal of 135 lbs, but have been falling off the wagon these past two weeks. I’ve been snacking on things I shouldn’t such as caramel popcorn, mango with chamoy, pancake on Sunday, and didn’t exercise at all these past couple of weeks. I’ve fallen back into my old habits of not pre-planning my meals and either missing breakfast or grabbing something quick during lunch time. I’m afraid I’m going to go down that slippery slope and ruin my progress. I know I have so many things to be grateful for and I have been much happier since I’ve lost weight, but I think it was a comment I received recently that really threw me off.

My dad made a comment that I look good and he’s proud of my progress, but my arms are sagging and need to work them out more. I know he means well and he’s right, I do need to work harder on my arms to reduce the appearance of sagging but have to admit the comment stung. My dad has always been a health fanatic and at 64 yrs old still works out every day, has muscles, and watches what he eats. My mom is the same way and is only 115 lbs. I grew up with the pressure of being athletic and staying in shape (my dad was a coach) so when I got married and had my boys I relaxed a bit and gained so much weight that it was difficult to jump back to the figure I had before. My dad has always been very straight forward and honest with me….I appreciate that because he doesn’t sugar coat things and tells it like it is, but somehow this thing about my arms really got under my skin because it’s something that I feel is beyond my control. I’ve been working my arms out as much as I can, but since I’m losing weight quickly they are still sagging a bit. L I didn’t really think my arms looked that bad, but now his comment has made me self-conscious about it. Uugghh I hate that a simple comment can affect me like that.

I have a 5k I’ll be running on August 24^th in San Diego so I need to get back on track. Just need some motivation….

First of all, I can relate to what you are feeling. I am in maintenance, but I have had some days where I am struggling with snacking also. All I can say is to not give up. You can make the choice to turn things around at any time. We have come too far to go down a slippery slope. I know exactly what you mean. Second, there is not much you can do short of plastic surgery for loose skin. Yes, you can improve muscle tone under that skin and you should, but it is not going to make the loose skin disappear. Not many of us are fortunate enough to lose large amounts of weight and have no loose sagging skin. When your skin stretches to accomodate extra weight, a lot of extra weight, and has stretched for long enough, you will have loose and sagging skin. That is not a commentary on you, your effort or lack thereof. Shake off the comment and get with your program. Get back to basics of planning meals, don't skip meals, do all the things that have contributed to success thus far. I am talking to myself here too. We can do this. We are here for each other. Let's do this. I am making the commitment to do this.

I agree..today is Monday and have decided to bru**** off and get out of my funk. For the most part I've been doing good with my meal selections, but really need to stop the snacking that I started two weeks ago. I've eaten good so far today and will do my exercise first thing when I get home. Back to basics. :)

I had a successful day yesterday Breaza. Hope you did too.

I sure did and feel so much better thanks. :)

That is good to hear. You are inspiring me! Let's keep it going.

Sometimes its amazing how a little comment like that can throw us.  My arms are sagging now, but I look around at other people my age, and they all have sagging arms, too.  So I suspect your arms are not-far-from-normal, even if they are less firm than you'd like. 

But the important thing is that this is not the time to worry about your arms.  This is the time to lose weight.  Eventually, your skin will tighten up naturally, or you'll make a plan on how to proceed to get where you want to be. 

I hope you can take joy in your wonderful effort to lose 77 pounds.  I bet you feel so much healthier and more energetic.

Don't let this throw you.  You deserve to be the healthiest you can.

best wishes,

Carol

Yes, I do feel and look great. I love all the things I can do now as opposed to how I was before...always tired and never in the mood to leave the couch or my house. I never thought I'd be the weight that I am now so it's quite an accomplishment and know it will continue to get better just as long as I don't stray from my goal. Sometimes venting will do the trick. Just needed to get it out of my system and get some support.

Boy, do I understand how those parental zingers can hurt - ouch!  Besides getting back on track with your food and exercise, you need to work on figuring out a new way to handle your dad and those type of comments.   You might need a therapist to help you out with it or you can try a couple suggestions from someone who has been-there-done-that:

1.  Do NOT get defensive.  This is him coming from a loving place (in his mind at least) so really try to come back at him from a loving place too. 

2.  Educate him about the loose skin issues:  "You know what?  You're right, Dad!  My doctor says because I was heavy for so long and have stretch marks, that the skin there is damaged and won't snap back.  But I still want good muscle tone - what exercises would you suggest for that?'

3.  Remember that men want to be problem-solvers even when we just want them to listen and empathize. 

4.  Tell him that he and your mom take such great care of themselves and stay in such great shape that they are a true inspiration to you...and you want to be just like them (he will eat this up!).  Then ask his opinion about your workout.  You don't have to TAKE his advice, but asking will make him feel good.

I promise if you do these things it will start changing the tone of your relationship...and you will "hear" things in a different way when he talks to you.  It's not necessarily what he's saying...it's how you are interpreting it that is causing you pain.  Choose to put a different spin on it.  

Posted by a woman with long-standing daddy issues ;-)

It's funny because I'm not a sensitive person, but for whatever reason that day I was. I simply listened to him as he gave me advice and didn't say anything except smile and nod my head in agreement. :) I know he means well and I will only bru**** off and get back on track...ever since I had the surgery I've had different feelings come out that aren't the norm for me so this is all new to me. Not sure why it is, but it's something I have to take one day at a time along with this whole new life of losing weight. Some have said it's the hormones that were stored in fat, etc. Who knows, but I do know that I like my body much more now than I did before and haven't had any regrets getting the surgery. Thanks for your suggestions! I'll keep them in mind the next time I visit my parents. :)