Day Before Surgery- Nerves, Grief

Hey guys, 

 

So im finally here. A year in the process and I'm finally getting surgery tomorrow.   

But, 

 

Im terrified.   Im sooo nervous and thinking to myself "is this the right decision."  I know this is normal, and I know in my heart that I wont be able to loose the weight without this tool.  I guess im worried because im 25 and completely healthy (as of now). Im worried this will give me additional problems that I've never had (reflux being one of them).  

 

What i'm most worried about is eating.  I never really thought i was addicted to food until I began on this journey. Food is comfort and thinking about my surgery and how it will affect me has me thinking "omg im never going to have in n out burger again.... or indian food."  I've made a LOT of changes lately and eating much healthier, feeling much happier with more energy. Every now and then I splurge and eat some pasta or a burger from in n out.  

 

Im grieiving food like someone I knew died.  Did anyone else have these feelings? How did you cope? Did they go away?  

More importantly, will I ever be able to splurge sporadically with food like an in n out burger or some deserts at XMAS time? 

 

Thanks guys, 

I wouldnt know where id be without the support you have al shown me in the past yeat.

 

-Marissa

Yep, right there with you.  I've had more food funerals than one should be able to count.  You're here because you are like me.  You know you have an issue, you know you need help, and rather than letting it go there and grabbing a burger to ignore it you're doing something about it.  Change is hard.  Not changing is harder. You can get through this, and you will.  Just keep moving, keep breathing, and keep thinking about your goal.  You believed in yourself enough to get you this far, you made good choices.  None of us get here accidentally, and none of us get here without earning it. 

You and I are in exactly the same place.  My surgery is 10am tomorrow too.  

Today is the last page of a very long chapter in which you story's conflict was established. Tomorrow is the beginning of the chapter in which you triumph over that conflict.  Keep reading!

What you are experiencing is very, very normal.  It is really hard to wrap your brain around the difference the surgery makes.  It seems almost incomprehensible that you could be satisfied with a few bites, crave healthy food, and look at a platter of cheeseburger and fries with relative disgust.  But it is just like that.  Thing is, the first few weeks you are recovering, swollen, and you will very naturally just focus on taking care of yourself while healing.  The first 6 weeks you cycle through phases, and during that time is when your body just completely resets.  Your system has had a chance to detox from all of the carbs and crap food, and they become a lot less of a draw.  Eventually most will imbibe in desserts or other food that is not so great for you, but is far smaller quantities  I remember being worried I would not be able to deal with a small portion size and in general mourn portion size. I don't miss it at all.  My sleeve tolerates everything and I never feel deprived. 

You will be so glad you did this- Looking forward to seeing you on the bench with us!. 

This may sound very melodramatic, but for me, it felt more like breaking up with a lover... and then continuing to live with them. With a death, time passes and other things step in to fill the absence. With my food breakup, I still saw food every day. I wasn't able to avoid it, like you could do with photos of a deceased loved one. I finally had to find a respectable parting if the ways. Sort of like "we had a good run, but this relationship is toxic and I have to do what's best for me." Does that even make sense? To anyone who hasn't battled obesity, in sure I sound like a lunatic... Mourning food is something that MANY people go through. You're not alone.

As for the reflux... if it comes, it comes. We talked about it before and mine is finally pretty controlled with meds. I'll take a pill a day over crunchy knees, itchy new stretch marks, and old lady clothes. That daily pill comes with skinny jeans, knee boots, collar bones, and a CONFIDENCE that I haven't felt at all in my twenties until now. In still 40 something pounds from goal, but if I never lost another pound, I'd still be so thankful for this surgery. 

And just for FYI purposes, I do allow myself a goodie occasionally, but only once I learned how to properly carb detox and not allow the monster to slow my progress.  I am in the less popular, less militant, "live in moderation" camp. As for now, it works for me. When it doesn't any more, I'll change my strategy. 

 

Best of luck in the morning. I'll keep your spot on the Losers' Bench warm!

 

This is a really great analogy. 

Thanks a bunch. It works for me. 

You get used to it...... takes about 6 months for new normals to settle in......

For me 4 years out...... my new normals are just that and old normals are kind of a bad memory.......

crap food--------> Fat me

good food--------> Skinny me

Skinny me rules !

frisco

I know it is easier said than done but don't think about what you are going to lose, think about what you are going to gain!  The little things add up.  I can ride on rides that I was too heavy for.  I can easily bend over and tie my shoes without running out of air.  I am one year out and the things that I use to like or thought I would miss, just aren't as good as I thought.  A piece of cheese cake might look good but it sure doesn't taste that good anymore.  There is not anything that you will not be able to eat after surgery but the more important question will be is it worth it to eat it?  When I want to eat something that is not necessarily on plan, I stop and ask myself is it worth it.  If it is then I will eat it, if it isn't then I don't but I do not feel deprived.  There is nothing that says you can't have pasta or and in n out burger but you might be more successful if wait until you have gotten to goal and then plan for those special meals.  Everyone's journey is different and you have to find a balance that will work for you.

Good Luck tomorrow!

Hi Marissa,

Dont forget all of the reasons why you came to the decision to have the surgery. You must have decided that you need more help then what you can give yourself. You will still be able to eat anything you want with the sleeve, just smaller amounts. The larger amounts are what get us so overweight in the first place! I am an emotional eater.  I dont smoke, drink or take drugs. I use food to smooth and comfort myself. So, I worried what will I do without the volumes of food (other than lose weight and get healthier). My Therapist had me write a letter to food. I didnt say goodbye, but I did talk about my dysfunctioal relationship with food and how once I have this surgery, it is going to change. I am still going to enjoy food, but in appropriate portions.

My surgery is in 3 weeks and I have been second guessing myself and having panic attacks. The thought of removing most of an otherwise healthy organ almost sounds insane. But, I have tried it all, I just cant do it myself any more. I have heard the surgery isnt too bad. You are put out, its like 1.5 hours from when they take you in until recovery. There is medicine for pain. It is a new life, I am terrified but If i can just get past the procedure I know a better life is ahead. Good luck!
 

Cheryl

There is some good stuff here in this thread. I'll add my 2 cents.

I did a lot of grieving for food in the weeks after surgery. I still grieve for food. I think it's completely normal for people in out situation.

That said, I am thrilled that I've gone from a tight size 26 to a solid 16. My cholesterol and BP are completely normal. I can cross my legs. My collar bones are getting closer to the surface. I can kick some ass at the gym. I can fit in restaurant booths and seats at auditoriums. I haven't been on an airplane yet, but I know I'd fit in the seat. I weigh less than 200 pounds and less than my boyfriend. I've almost lost 100 pounds. I KNOW I have the ability to reach my goal weight and stay there - in other words, I have HOPE for the first time ever.

That is how I cope. The good outweighs the bad. Extreme weight loss is challenging, but totally worth it. And I WISH I would have done this at 25. But I'm 31, so hopefully I have plenty of time to enjoy my new sleeved life.

Best wishes for your surgery!