Daughters still not supportive.

Hi,

My surgery is just over two weeks away and my youngest daughter, who is a nurse as I am, keeps texting me about a patient she heard of that threw a clot on day 1 post op and died. And why would I have surgery to lose 50#, and don't I want to see my daughters and grandsons grow old? I told her not to keep telling me every bad thing she has heard, as I have thought of this things. It was hard enough to admit that I should have surgery, and to commit to it, I just want positive feelings going into it.

Thanks for letting me vent. I know they don't want anything to happen, neither do I, but I cannot stand being this big anymore. It seems like this is my best chance for getting my weight off and keeping it off.

Lynn

I should say I would like to lose 80-85#, my daughter thinks 50 would be fine.

You got it right, Lynn. Hang tough!

--gina

My husband was not supportive of my decision for surgery either.  I finally made an appointment with my surgeon for DH to go with me to lay all his concerns to the doctor on the table.  The doctor was very good to address all my husband's concerns, and that got him somewhat over his anxiety through the surgery, but he was still very reserved in his support.

It has just been recently that he has "gotten with the program."  He now sees how much healthier I am, and he sees that I have no serious repercussions.  Over time, she will probably come around.

I'm sorry you are going through that. I have distanced myself from my inlaws because of horrible comments and spreading my business around. I can't even talk to them or I will just start yelling at them. Others think we came to this decision rashly. They dont realize how much research, and emotional turmoil we come to for the decision for surgery. I hope your daughter comes around, I'm sure after surgery she will change her tune, hopefully soon.

I'm sorry that you are going through this, but hang tough and stick to your guns. No one else lives in your body and knows how you feel. Obviously, your surgeon thinks that you qualify, so that should be enough. Sometimes nurses can be the worst ones. I know, because I am a nurse and have had other nurses think that I was nuts for having the surgery. But, look at the results; 100 lbs down in the past year, sleep apnea gone, no joint issues, and I am no longer pre-diabetic. Also, as a nurse, we tend to see the worse case scenarios, especially, the nurses that work in a hospital setting.

Gail

Lynn, sorry to hear your daughter isnt on board with your decision.   This is a HUGE decision we make when going thru WLS, and having non supportive people around make it rough.   Would she be willing to meet with the surgeon?  Maybe he can make her feel a little more at ease?  or do you a local support group meeting she could attend with you?  We all go into this surgery (and any surgery) knowing it has risks.  But we are the ones who lived the miserable life as an obese person and want a change.  You made up your mind to have WLS to get healtier.  Its a decision you must make for yourself, and noone else.  Hopefully she will come around to accept your decision.  Good luck!   Cindy

My DH and my oldest DD were not supportive at all but it was out of fear.  I remember when my Mom got really sick and even though I was a grown adult with a family of my own the fear of losing her made me feel like a young child again. 

If something happened to me I didn't want any of them to feel quilty so I sat them all down (other 2 DD's were included) and told them that even though I respected their opinions and I knew they didn't support me this was my life, my body, and my decision. 

It seemed to get better after that until the day of surgery and my DH was a wreck and my oldest DD gave the surgeon the third degree about how old are you (he was only 32) , how many of these have you ever done, etc.

I am 2.5 years out and my DH still asks me what I ate every day and worries about me.  On the other hand DD is very jealous of my weight loss and she has put on about 25 pounds (guessing).

Just love them and try not to take their comments to heart because they are just worried about you.

 This is why I  didnt tell anybody but the one person I needed to help drive me  after the surgery and nurse me afterwards .   NOBODYS BUSINESS  BUT MY OWN !!  ( and no I didn't tell my mother or anyone from my family ... as If  they would  have understood ... ) 

Why  do people feel the need to seek others approval for their  own personal decisions and then  be surprised when they negative feedback out of ignorance ?  Or for whatever reason ?  

I mean .. I dont ask everyone around me before I get a wisdom tooth pulled .. 

My advice ...  tell em to go stuff  it lol !  U changed their darn poopy stinky diapers  .. U can DO  that  

 Deciding to have surgery is a difficult process. I like what one surgeon says in his pre-op seminar, when he discusses all the risks. When someone asks, why would anyone take those risks? His answer: when the risks of staying obese are greater. Diabetes, heart disease, joint issues, sleep apnea, high cholesterol, mobility limitations, difficulty with personal hygiene. That awful list goes on and on. 

Entering surgery with a positive attitude gives you a head start on the process. I don't think anyone would do surgery if they could do it with "diet and exercise". The 95% failure rate of those two words is depressing. The fact that only about 30% of WLS patients regain a significant amount of weight is wonderful. I'll take 70% chance of success over 5% any day.

Stay focused and you'll do fine. Somehow mothers and daughters seem to have issues at any age. This is something you are doing for your health.